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Coping with wanting separate bodies

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Coping with wanting separate bodies

Postby Triptych » Wed Dec 26, 2018 7:30 pm

I'm the host of a system, I have two protectors, Quin and Lindon, a little, Pepper, and another recent one I haven't spoken to much, M. Quin has wished to have her own body and life since she came into existence, and now that we have agreed to start hrt (body is biologically female, all alters besides Quin are male) she wants to even more. She doesn't front because of dysphoria. None of us like seeing her upset and we want her to be able to cope with this. M doesn't wish he was separate, but I'm not sure how I feel about him. Pepper is happy, but advice on caring for him while sharing a body would be helpful too. Recently me and Lindon have talked about it and agreed that we both are bothered by sharing a body, what we'd really like is to have been born as conjoined twins with Quin as our sister. That's what I always picture is as. I wish there was a way to split our mind in two but I know it could never happen. Does anyone else have this problem? How can we come to terms with it?
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Re: Coping with wanting separate bodies

Postby Sarandipity » Thu Dec 27, 2018 10:49 am

That sounds really tough and terrible.

We dealt with this as a child. "we're a girl so..." basically shut up we're a girl. Which led to alot of trying to make us do stereotype girl stuff which is ok because we're a mix. But we ended up in a stereotype male environment but where we work also uniquely has a caring female role to it which is why I stay working for the charity I work for even though it pays alot less than any other role in the industry. It's also possibly why my co-worker, who I suspect has DID stays now I think about it because he could earn alot of money elsewhere.

So I don't know about your situation. I do know theres fantasy of each person having different bodies but we have to accept how we are, that's what we decided. You've decided the reverse, that's ok too. I don't know how you'll make a female feel ok to go through all of what you're going through. In that way it's kind of easy to accept as a unit that this is the body we have so this is the body we stay in. If it came up for discussion, which I doubt, then the arguments about the stress on the body and upsetting outside people in our lives would be enough to end that discussion.

So I don't know. It's alot to go through on its own without one part not wanting it.

Much luck.
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Re: Coping with wanting separate bodies

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Dec 28, 2018 3:22 am

I kind of agree with Sarandipity. You said that you all agreed to go through with starting hrt. Did Quin agree also? She is part of your system and the body that you all share. Was she more comfortable with the body before?

I think major changes need to be agreed to by everyone, not just the majority.

Do you have a good DID therapist?
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Re: Coping with wanting separate bodies

Postby Skaya » Fri Dec 28, 2018 10:12 am

We used to get this a lot when Jacob fronted more. He's starting to front more again and hates it. But: we find ways to help. Masculine clothing helps, binding, things that make the body feel more 'masculine'. Would it be possible to do the opposite for Quin? Just anything that makes her, if only temporarily, feel more at home in the body? Jen.
Em (25, f, host), Jen (19, f) Echo (4) Angel (9), Vivian (36, f), Jacob (13,m). SO Lex (f) may be mentioned.
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Re: Coping with wanting separate bodies

Postby Triptych » Tue Jan 01, 2019 6:00 am

thanks to everyone who's answered!
I'll try getting Quin more girl's clothes since we don't have many and I just recently got her a wig. Quin did agree to start hrt because of all other alters being male. Even though she would prefer not to for herself, she did it so I as a host could be happy and so our little could be happy. We currently are in therapy, but the therapist doesn't specialise in DID so I'm hoping to get some other treatment as well.
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