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Upset about Medication

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Upset about Medication

Postby Mosaic Butterflies » Sat Dec 08, 2018 5:09 am

Well, I finally went and talked to my psychiatrist about my Abilify. I told her that I wanted to deal with my trauma more naturally and that, in order to achieve this, I felt I needed to be placed on a different medication. Instead of doing that, though, she said we would simply decrease my dose and see how much that would change things. I know that's probably more constructive than trying to find a whole other medication for me to try, but at the same time I'm feeling frustrated.

I have a feeling that this isn't going to work. The reason that I say that is because from the beginning, when I first started taking Abilify, I wasn't able to communicate with my system at all. Maybe with decreasing my dosage their voices will come back, but so far nothing has changed. Everything is exactly the same and it's just tiring having to go through this whole drawn-out process.

And what's worse is that whenever I bring up my alters with my psychiatrist, she thinks I'm talking about external voices and sends me to go get blood tests. She doesn't have a specialty in dissociation, and I'm afraid that there is no one affordable in my area who does know how to treat dissociation. So, for the most part, I tell her about my problems from a PTSD point of view, since the two are tied together for me.

I think that she's going to keep me on Abilify in the long run unless I can somehow convince her to change the medication. But I don't know how to do that, so maybe this is the end of my system communication forever, at least until my insurance runs out one day (in the very distant future) and I'm forced to go off of my medication.

Maybe I ought to be grateful that my alters are being muted. I mean, in this way I'm the most stable that I've ever been, and most people who aren't dissociative would probably say that this is better for me... but to me, this just feels so wrong and unnatural. If my alters are going to go quiet, I want them to have done so through normal and natural integration, not through the usage of medication. This just feels too forced for me and I'm missing everyone's presence. Sure, I could do without the constant switching that I experienced in the past, but I still want everyone to be present in the head space! I'm sure that on another medication I could probably achieve that sort of balance between being functional and still having my alters around. But until then, I guess I'm just stuck on Abilify.

Darn my brain chemistry. Not everyone who goes on Antipsychotics loses communication with their alters. So why did I have to? It's just not fair.
Dx: PTSD, Bipolar 2, OSDD-1b

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Re: Upset about Medication

Postby NyxX » Sat Dec 08, 2018 2:49 pm

Can you keep looking for a different T? Because the treatment for DID voices and hallucinatory voices are completely opposite
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Re: Upset about Medication

Postby Mosaic Butterflies » Sat Dec 08, 2018 8:34 pm

NyxX wrote:Can you keep looking for a different T? Because the treatment for DID voices and hallucinatory voices are completely opposite


Oh yeah, the two are definitely very different. As for finding another psychiatrist, there's only ONE psychiatrist in my area who could potentially see me. The only problems? He doesn't accept my insurance and to see him it would cost me $150 out of pocket. I don't have that kind of money, unfortunately. At least with the psychiatrist I'm seeing now, I only have to pay $80 per visit, and she's super nice to me. So... long story short, I'm kind of stuck here due to my circumstances. :(
Dx: PTSD, Bipolar 2, OSDD-1b

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Stella (22), [Mother] (43), Autumn (22), Diana (25), Alice (15), Aliza (19), Abusive Alter (??), Hurting Alter (??), Kyle (15), Peter (17), Luna (6), Beverly (8), Hungry Child (??), Babushka (??), Baby (??)
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Re: Upset about Medication

Postby puppieskittens » Sun Dec 09, 2018 7:07 am

It's your body.

Don't ever let a therapist talk you into taking a medication that you aren't comfortable with. I had that happen for many years and it caused me great harm. I don't take psych meds now and haven't for years...it turned out that many "symptoms" of my "illness" were actually due to side effects of the meds.

You know whether or not it is helping. The decision should be yours.
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Re: Upset about Medication

Postby SeveralCrows » Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:11 pm

I don't have specific resources to recommend, but you could ask your doctor to read up on the difference between hallucinatory and dissociative voices, as well as DID specifically. It may be that your doctor doesn't even have an awareness of the gap in her knowledge, and many doctors are open to learning more about what their patients are dealing with. Not all, unfortunately, but it might be worth a shot. Sorry you're having to deal with a doctor who doesn't listen. I hope you get switched to a better-suited medication soon.
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Re: Upset about Medication

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Dec 09, 2018 9:09 pm

Have her explain exactly why she recommends that you be on medication at all! If she is giving you an antipsychotic solely because of the dissociative voices, and the voices aren’t posing an active safety risk to you, then that’s not really appropriate practice. Especially if you have a T who is treating you.
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Re: Upset about Medication

Postby Mosaic Butterflies » Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:39 am

puppieskittens wrote:It's your body.

Don't ever let a therapist talk you into taking a medication that you aren't comfortable with. I had that happen for many years and it caused me great harm. I don't take psych meds now and haven't for years...it turned out that many "symptoms" of my "illness" were actually due to side effects of the meds.

You know whether or not it is helping. The decision should be yours.


I think what gets me the most is that this medication IS helping me; the most that any medicine has ever helped me. The only thing I'm not liking about this is how it's silencing my alters. But I suppose that shouldn't stop me from seeking another medication. After all, we ALL deserve to be seen and heard, right?

SeveralCrows wrote:I don't have specific resources to recommend, but you could ask your doctor to read up on the difference between hallucinatory and dissociative voices, as well as DID specifically. It may be that your doctor doesn't even have an awareness of the gap in her knowledge, and many doctors are open to learning more about what their patients are dealing with. Not all, unfortunately, but it might be worth a shot. Sorry you're having to deal with a doctor who doesn't listen. I hope you get switched to a better-suited medication soon.


I'm a little afraid of broaching the subject with my psychiatrist again since she might just think that it would be better for me to have my alters stay silent than them co-exist with me. That might motivate her to keep me on this medication, which is the opposite of what I want.

I'm trying to approach this from the angle of my PTSD. This medication wipes the PTSD away completely, but I want to heal from it in a more natural sort of way, with my alters. So that's what I'm telling her, except for the part about me having alters.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Have her explain exactly why she recommends that you be on medication at all! If she is giving you an antipsychotic solely because of the dissociative voices, and the voices aren’t posing an active safety risk to you, then that’s not really appropriate practice. Especially if you have a T who is treating you.


Oh no, it's not because of the dissociative voices that I'm on this Antipsychotic. It's because I have Bipolar II disorder, which this medication is used to treat. But I fear that if she knew about my dissociative alters, she'd want me to stay on the medication since having alters is not considered "normal enough" in our society.
Dx: PTSD, Bipolar 2, OSDD-1b

My System
Stella (22), [Mother] (43), Autumn (22), Diana (25), Alice (15), Aliza (19), Abusive Alter (??), Hurting Alter (??), Kyle (15), Peter (17), Luna (6), Beverly (8), Hungry Child (??), Babushka (??), Baby (??)
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