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Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

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Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby walden » Sat Dec 08, 2018 2:35 am

Hey all, like mentioned in last post, back again and really feeling hurt and dissociating worse than ever before. Sorry to just be looking for help now, this is crisis mode over here now. Once better, will use all the insight and wisdom to help you all too. But for now help is needed here so sorry for not helping others now. Also, Going to turn journal and all these experiences into a book someday, for the sake of helping all y'all that need it.

Never quite fixed things, and never really "integrated" yet. And the really bad events have recently come fully present and it's really hurting. To finally get that FAMILY members did these terrible things and tried to kill this guy, it's horrifying.

To the question at hand- What's with the horrible sweating, jumpiness, hysterical crying, and body aches? Visited a new therapist on Wednesday after about 3 years of sweeping all this under the rug (being vague about how the traumatic stuff was avoided here)..Recently had some sort of massive switch and feel a thousand years away from the "me-ness" felt before thanksgiving. Things are super different and there is much less avoidance of horrible memories and events now. :!:

Trying to set the stage to allow this big puzzle to be solved now. Today had to talk with the boss about what's up and that I'm going to have to change the work schedule to finally fix all this. Wasn't sure what to expect, so started just by telling him that "I'll be visiting a doctor once a week for a while", and kept circling in closer to the truth about DID and what's been going on slowly so as not to give too much info...he was AMAZING and listened, asked what I thought of the new doctor, and he ended up giving me a huge hug. Could probably tell him anything and he wouldn't hold it against this guy. Blown away by how understanding and compassionate he was. So relieved. This was a big big big day, but so much sweating, shaking, and crying. And the little guy inside is crying so much.

BUT, during the conversation, became very dissociated, and when he got back to the office, couldn't stop shaking and sweating. still shaking. So sick of this. Ended up goin home to change clothes and wash the sweat out of my hair.

So anyways, sorry for the rant. Just need to get this out there in front of all y'all that know what this is all about. What's up with this shaking and sweating? It' horrible and exhausting. Little guy inside keeps krying, body keeps jerking, massive brain freeze migraines and that terrible sensation of falling while dissociating keeps hitting this guy.

Is it time to visit a hospital that specializes in DID? This is too much to handle.

So sorry for the rant, and all ears for help here

Peace
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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby Convocation » Sat Dec 08, 2018 6:38 am

I'm really glad you're getting help. First by seeing a therapist, and also by talking about things with your boss. It's so relieving to finally tell someone who will just listen and try to understand, even if it's beyond them (or I'm vague). I wish when I opened up (which is few and far in between) people knew how nice it is to be hugged. You did it, Walden. You did wonderful, keep it up. It's getting harder right now, but you're getting on the right track. If it would be okay, I would give you a big hug for taking the right steps.
I would tell you to bring up the idea of going to a clinic that specializes in DID with your T, and see if they think it's the right option for you. There's a lot to consider, a lot more than we know. Wait time, efficiency, cost... but how wonderful would it be to see a specialist for once, right? Especially right now, when things are at their hardest.
It seems you know what you want, please take care of yourself and do the right thing for you.
Keep us updated!
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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby IainEtc » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:07 pm

Getting a T is a big step. Takes courage. Glad you got some support from your boss. Littles are weird. They get scared when things are bad then fall apart when things are good. Maybe you can keep the love going for the Little. Let him know you're taking care of him.

I'd talk to your T about hospital stuff. A good T can help with that.

Good luck,

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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby NyxX » Sat Dec 08, 2018 3:08 pm

The shaking and sweating can be caused by adrenalin we take Propranolol which is a bata blocker to help with it.
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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby subversiverisks » Sat Dec 08, 2018 3:19 pm

Ccall forth those with those symptoms shaking sweating crying angry. Give them a score card of how they handle each with a touch of medical symptoms. When you believe that you believe this is some of the traumatic experiences share. Basically, personally I test how I can maintain when it plays out that way when the things I have on my plate . A preserver is what we usually call that
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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby walden » Sun Dec 09, 2018 3:19 am

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and support, it means a lot.

IainEtc wrote:Littles are weird. They get scared when things are bad then fall apart when things are good.


I think you may have nailed it, IainEtc. I only knew of one child part until today..Spent the day hiking; and about 7/8's of the way through the hike, I found myself with my fingers interlocked/laced by my waist, and then my hands shot up to the sky and waved..all the while there was this huge burst of childlike energy from a little kid that was super excited and innocent and happy, like she or he was saying HI!! WOOHOO! FUN! There was a simultaneous strong intrusion (is that the right term?) of a little girl or boy in overalls jumping up in the sky and feeling super happy. Couldn't help but let it out and do it myself, thankfully there was no one around! So innocent and happy, which is the complete opposite of My little buddy Mickey, the first and so far only little boy part, whom is very sad and seems to be very very hurt. Yet still cycling back to Cheeto and feeling comfortable sitting inside Him as I/we hike/run. Shaking like crazy now after writing that.

Big day of identity alteration (or body dysmorphia, but not sure the term applies to DID??) dodging my own shadow in moments of feeling like it's someone else behind me or next to me, tons of moments of feeling like "I"/We" are inside Cheeto again. Something is very different lately; it seems like a new start and that everything is completely new and foreign lately; I mean I even got lost driving home from work this week, and I think this is because there is a new "BIG" part in charge now...For the last few years, the Big part inside was Leo, he is very stoic but very miserable and negative. It's been a HUGE change to not have him around now, and life has changed a lot in the last week.

Again, sorry for the rant, there's just a lot going on now and I need to figure this all out for once.

Convocation wrote:You did it, Walden. You did wonderful, keep it up. It's getting harder right now, but you're getting on the right track. If it would be okay, I would give you a big hug for taking the right steps.


Thank you so much. It really means a lot, and the hugs are melting some boundaries in an unexpected way; thank you so much.

NyxX wrote:The shaking and sweating can be caused by adrenalin we take Propranolol which is a bata blocker to help with it.


This med has been recommended in the past, I think I might research it a bit and try it. Thank you for your advice.

subversiverisks wrote:Ccall forth those with those symptoms shaking sweating crying angry. Give them a score card of how they handle each with a touch of medical symptoms. When you believe that you believe this is some of the traumatic experiences share.


This is good advice, the idea of calling those forth that are feeling this makes a lot of sense, thank you for putting it into words

Thank you all, Hurting now, but when things are better, will be back to help
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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby puppieskittens » Sun Dec 09, 2018 7:33 am

I hope your T can help you with this. What an awful experience.

You might also consider getting a medical check-up for these symptoms if you haven't done so already.

For years, I had times during the night where I would suddenly wake up and my heart would be racing and pounding like it wanted to jump out of my chest. My hands would be shaking. I would get dressed in case it didn't stop so I could head to the Emergency Room. A number of times I did go to the ER but it either stopped by the time I got to the hospital or while I was waiting to be seen.

I had been given Holter monitors before but finally I had one that captured the problem. I was getting SVT (supraventricular tachycardia). It would have been easy to just think that these episodes were due to 'nerves' or 'anxiety'.
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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby spinningtops » Wed Dec 12, 2018 8:51 pm

Sorry so much coming up for you now. Sometimes things happen at what seems like an inconvenient time, but i guess it just has to. So glad your boss was so supportive and you got a therapist.
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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby walden » Mon Dec 24, 2018 3:20 am

spinningtops wrote:Sorry so much coming up for you now. Sometimes things happen at what seems like an inconvenient time, but i guess it just has to. So glad your boss was so supportive and you got a therapist.


Thank you very much, Spinningtops. This guy is an A+ in my book now, I never expected such a supportive response. He pulled me aside on Friday to ask how I was doing. He also gave some advice on dealing with medical professionals. Long story short, he advised to set some milestones of improvement, and if they can't meet them, move on..And also that we are only an hour from some of the best healthcare in the country (I have another post on this)..Anyways, that's probably some good insight we all could use here..Don't toil and waste time with a bad therapist, and don't hesitate to move on because you feel bad about hurting their feelings. Therapy is about fixing you!

Back to the subject of this post: The second he asked me how I was doing, I immediately began shaking and sweating! :shock: And every syllable of every word he said felt hard and caused me/we to jump..Unrelenting jumpiness and sweating! Ugh!

What is this?? My stream of consciousness response is that A little boy part Mickey and a little girl part (unnamed) are terrified of an adult and terrified that this secret was spilled. The little girl part is very new, perhaps this is coming from her?

Anyways, sorry for the rant
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Re: Shaking, sweating, crying, angry. This is the worst

Postby Johnny-Jack » Mon Dec 24, 2018 4:26 am

walden wrote:What is this?? My stream of consciousness response is that A little boy part Mickey and a little girl part (unnamed) are terrified of an adult and terrified that this secret was spilled. The little girl part is very new, perhaps this is coming from her?

It sounds like you're picking up what's happening pretty clearly, considering you're rather new to it. Bravo! You're doing well, staying present, listening. These seem normal fears for a little but you can help reassure them.

It may help for you to explain who you are and that you will help the little ones to the best of your ability, but only if that sentiment is true for you. It helped us, after a while, to explain that John, the home host that most of the littles knew about, grew up and moved away from the home town. This explained a lot of odd things, like the adult body, and reassured some littles that there was now an adult who might be able to keep them safe.

By the way, saying these things aloud, "loudly stated" inside, or journaled worked. Thinking nice thoughts to myself didn't seem to communicate anything.
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