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My hopeful compromise

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My hopeful compromise

Postby CrimsonInTheDetails » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:54 am

:roll: My alter wrote a very nice winjing about the bull she just got us into, and explained everything in detail about why we're starting to post here, and we weren't even logged in. So we lost it all.

I'll say it quick. I'm Red, the trouble maker gets the fabulous name Supplanter for being a dumb-dumb, and we let her call a shot on a boy. We have our head commander type Bitterness who said it was dumb from the beginning. I liked smoking pot with the guy but maaaaan he smoked a lot of pot. Too much pot. There is such a thing as tooo much.

Anyway, Supplanter was all goofy and head over heels for the punk, so she weedled...please can we travel 2000 miles just to keep being with him? Admission:we were happy with the guy, there were a few people on the team that were just happier. But both Bitterness and Gauntlet weren't...and they would be our intelligent alters. Bitterness said find and then put a crap ton of work into an escape plan if it turned out the punk was a major punk.

And he wasn't a major punk, but he was definitely lying about a lot, then started doing some shifty stuff to try and wreck our independence from him and Bitterness pulled the plug. We're free but we're thousands of miles from home.

Bitterness got us a job, we were limited in choice, its a job only she's capable of pulling off so there's going to be a huge imbalance on the system and we're going to have to be disciplined about money again (ugh). Supplanter is trying to make things right so she thinks if we blog here its going to make the next few months while we try to get enough money to go home a little easier, since Bitterness is going to be fronting all the time.

Red out.
Diagnosis DID-sometimes do not identify as anyone at all
Bitterness- 31 yrs old
Red- 26 yrs old
Fourth-Born- 31 yr old host
Shamrocks-21 yr old female
Gauntlet-16 yrs old, age-slider, agender, and liason of childhood fragments
Whisper-female, ageless?
CrimsonInTheDetails
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby NyxX » Sat Dec 08, 2018 8:38 am

I hope things go OK with the job and your able to move somewhere you all feel safer soon
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Nixie, The Pixie, Big ZuZu, Z, backup-known active alters
We might mention Ozalces he is our SO he made an account but doesn't use it much
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby IainEtc » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:01 pm

Good work getting away from the sh*t. Took courage. Think about Supplanter taking a backseat for a while. Let us know how it goes.

Good luck Red,

Colin
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby CrimsonInTheDetails » Sat Dec 08, 2018 1:44 pm

:cry: I think the name Supplanter is a little harsh. They're just aliases, not the real names, and maybe the others aren't as mad as they could be. I'm not terrible and I have my reasons too. What I want most in the world is to have someone to be here beside me...and the others need it too. We can't keep on like this, only being with each other... I talked with everyone the whole way through this relationship, and Bitterness and Fourth-Born planned and planned and planned...
I'm going to make it right. We're in a brand new city! Surely we can make something of it... there will be free ice skating soon, and I'll take Gauntlet and Fourth-Born with me.

They say when they're done ribbing me that I can change my alias :oops:

Until then... -Supplanter :oops: :( :roll: :oops:
Diagnosis DID-sometimes do not identify as anyone at all
Bitterness- 31 yrs old
Red- 26 yrs old
Fourth-Born- 31 yr old host
Shamrocks-21 yr old female
Gauntlet-16 yrs old, age-slider, agender, and liason of childhood fragments
Whisper-female, ageless?
CrimsonInTheDetails
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby CrimsonInTheDetails » Sun Dec 09, 2018 8:05 pm

I'm the host, Fourth-Born. I have crushing anxiety over the situation. My chest hurts so badly, and I have a jumble of undirected brooding flying through my head. I realized that there's a loophole in the wage we negotiated with my new employer, which means while this job will slow down my sinking finances it won't reverse it or even stop the sinking.
The reasons I went along with Shamrocks (we've decided we've all had enough of Supplanter now) is because my life was in a pit of despair anyway...this guy we dated would say things like I have nothing to lose, and even though that wasn't really the case, it wasn't terribly far from the truth. I'm alone in life with no connections that have permanency. There were a lot of friends who put pressure on me to go...even though I knew dissociative fugue was a risk, everyone around me kept asking me what I was sitting there in that city for. Everyone keeps telling me what a wonderful city I've just ended up in, but given my financial situation I might as well be in a barren wasteland...the wasteland would be less full of dangerous creatures, and probably have some cool lichens to boot. I could get into lichens. People is another story.
Diagnosis DID-sometimes do not identify as anyone at all
Bitterness- 31 yrs old
Red- 26 yrs old
Fourth-Born- 31 yr old host
Shamrocks-21 yr old female
Gauntlet-16 yrs old, age-slider, agender, and liason of childhood fragments
Whisper-female, ageless?
CrimsonInTheDetails
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby CrimsonInTheDetails » Sun Dec 16, 2018 10:43 pm

Host updating.
Oh, we are in a big pile of poo. The job we got...there's a part of me that is hard-line ethical, it's got something to do with Bitterness, me...maybe not Shamrocks. It's going to be extremely difficult.
I have Bitterness tagging along as I post too.

It's causing significant strain on my system and for the most part my anxiety has been through the roof. My new workplace used some very handy "untruthy truths" to actually get me to work for a full $1.50 less than what I thought we were agreeing to...I'm terrified that I'm going to get stuck here, homeless. Bitterness calculated that we needed that wage to get home. She tells me things are going to get ugly but we're going to get home no matter what. As it is, the systems been experiencing severe chest pains

Bitterness has secured our old job back where we came from over the summer. We're back into militant spending...the place I ended up is supposedly one of the worlds greatest tourist destinations in the world and I will be unable to enjoy it. She calculates that if we're perfect we might break even.

The ex-boyfriend tries to check in once in a while but we're not letting him near Shamrocks. He's never experienced the wall that is Bitterness, and he's beginning to say things to make it look like he broke up with me.

My new job makes me feel sick with anxiety but Bitterness isn't able to stay fronted for as long as she might need to to keep the job. As it is, Red came out and started naming the #######5 things-loudly-including the trick they used to make me accept the job at minimum wage... and I am not sure if I'll be kept on after that. Red is pissed we're doing this job and says it's #######4 and about screwing people even more than they already were anyway.

Shamrocks and Bitterness have never worked or played together, but they might be ideal to get me through this.

As the host, I haven't been fronting nearly as much as one might thing...I just want to go curl up in a hole and die. Bitterness said several months ago that she's not even sure I am the original host... she thinks Gauntlet might be.

Gauntlet has come up beside me and told me to maybe not think about it too much. I used to push her down and away alot but there's images of whipped and dead horses in my mind. That's probably their way of telling me it's pointless to dwell on it.

I feel so useless. I feel so out of control. Is this city just going to go down in my mind as some hazy dream other people lived? I come up and all there is is the crushing panic in my chest.
Diagnosis DID-sometimes do not identify as anyone at all
Bitterness- 31 yrs old
Red- 26 yrs old
Fourth-Born- 31 yr old host
Shamrocks-21 yr old female
Gauntlet-16 yrs old, age-slider, agender, and liason of childhood fragments
Whisper-female, ageless?
CrimsonInTheDetails
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Posts: 99
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Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 9:57 am
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby CrimsonInTheDetails » Sun Dec 16, 2018 11:33 pm

I want to share something we did. I hope you read it Fourth-Born, Bitterness is helping.
I'm sorry I took the van..God told me to, and to be very careful. You were so miserable. Afterall, I'm old enough to have my licence now...but afterall, Fourth-Born, do you really not remember being there too? And Bitterness, I blink and she's there with me. Why does she call herself that? Pragmatic doesn't ring well does it.

You don't remember going to the zoo? You don't remember going to the zoo. You thought it was the best zoo you've ever seen. Only the (*big carnivores*) didn't belong there, everything else was happy. It was a special zoo, where only the species native to the area were kept, and you thought that maybe that's how zoos ought to be, because they had their real homes all around them.

We breathed in the air together. You didn't know that (*big cats*) smelled like that, but now you know what that smell in the woods was when we were kids. Besides them, the smells were crisp...and no, it wasn't the way home smelled, but it was something like home. Something wild.

The snow melted under the feet when we stepped, and there were kids everywhere, screaming and yelling. For the most part they were good, but they started throwing snow at the ducks and that made me really mad. It made it easier to be sorry about how I tried to play with the otter though... he came right up his rock to look at us, right at us and straight in the face. I thought he might like to play so I picked up a leaf and dropped it on his side of the fence. I thought I was careful about it but he still got spooked even though he was yards away. Wild. A misunderstanding then, but I am happy the otters can still be wild in their habitats.

The squirrels were almost as good as the formal habitants, and we met a few creature we never had before. We watched a member of the weasel family climbing trees and sliding around in the snow having fun for a long time.

We spent four hours at the zoo. We needed the fresh air.
They had fish inside too. The fish are colorful here.

Please don't forget. I'm sorry you don't remember well...it was the first time you felt ok since the park we went to.

I remember what you did for us before Bitterness existed. Don't worry about the $20, Bitterness says it was a good thing.

I don't remember if Shamrocks and I ever hung out before...does she . Hi. I'm going to go now, she wants to talk to me.
Diagnosis DID-sometimes do not identify as anyone at all
Bitterness- 31 yrs old
Red- 26 yrs old
Fourth-Born- 31 yr old host
Shamrocks-21 yr old female
Gauntlet-16 yrs old, age-slider, agender, and liason of childhood fragments
Whisper-female, ageless?
CrimsonInTheDetails
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby sleepingwolf » Mon Dec 17, 2018 2:18 pm

Thanks for sharing your story guys. It sounds like a hard life situation, but you seem to be doing really well too. We relate to what you're going through, so you guys aren't alone.

Wishing you guys the very best!

Ever upwards!


Alice - One in the Albion System
The Albion System - 81 Tribal members
11 Co-Hosts
A bunch of Littles
A few pure Warriors
A load of amazing guys...
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby CrimsonInTheDetails » Tue Dec 18, 2018 4:35 am

Thanks Alice :)
Diagnosis DID-sometimes do not identify as anyone at all
Bitterness- 31 yrs old
Red- 26 yrs old
Fourth-Born- 31 yr old host
Shamrocks-21 yr old female
Gauntlet-16 yrs old, age-slider, agender, and liason of childhood fragments
Whisper-female, ageless?
CrimsonInTheDetails
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:29 am
Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 9:57 am
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Re: My hopeful compromise

Postby CrimsonInTheDetails » Tue Dec 18, 2018 5:03 am

Gauntlet fronting. Asked Bitterness to take a break, but say her name and she's here. Hypervigilance. It's ok, alarm so you don't miss tomorrow ok?
I want to be useful. Trouble fronting on own. Headache. I get cold because I have a bad memory of being cold. I know what it is. I thought talking about it would make it better. Not sure how to fix it. Told I don't have to be there anymore. I know..I learn.

Never trusted T when I had one so don't know if I can find a way to be room temperature without blankets. Never asked. Never trusted him.

City is an issue. There are always sounds. Always movement...host cried today on subway. Doesn't want to die without seeing her favourite flower in the fields again. It's too wet here for them to grow. It doesn't matter I have perfect picture for her. She wrote poetry about how she is that flower once.
Senses on overload. Afraid that if I can adapt...I saved myself from scaring a bear last summer with my senses. Better than city senses. If I make myself sense-dead in city, will it mean I won't see bears in the woods before they see me any more? Black bear. cubs. worth living to see. size of teddy bears.
I don't want the host crying about flowers. I'm scared of the city too. There's dirty people wasting on the streets. Everyone here lies, takes, cheats. No cats on the streets. Lots of squirrels. People feed the pigeons here but not the people. Oats for winged creatures, metal pieces they don't care about for things they disdain to call human. He yelled at me. I don't have any money, but I have a nice coat so I guess he thought I did.

I wonder if I am feral? Wikipedia only has crazy cases.

I don't want to wake her up by thinking her name.

I think Whisper woke up...she laughed and said she like the name Whisper better...the first one was just there because don't know what to call her.

Trigger Warning? Religion...

Whisper different. dont know what to think...read a book once, gave words to say her world. I know existence is fragile. Even though I know those witch-hunters who had me were brainwashing me I feel the wounds they inflicted as reality still...saying prayers against demons.

Im no demon.Lucky for me I'm just a little girl.
never tell a christian about DID. I'm mad. Reds screaming about asswipes and hypocrites. Go to SLEEP. I'm fine.

I even saw the demons when we were falling asleep. Host prayed to Jesus to let her sleep on the doorstep of heaven if she wasn't allowed in for the night. Voice said people who go to heaven don't come back. So doorstep. Somewhere nice. Like pulled through a warm well of swarming creatures. Whisper-type stuff. When we saw the demons Host prayed to Jesus it was his will, to cast her in or no, that she gives up to his will. Tired of fighting. Had a great sleep. Whisper stuff. Whisper is awake. Seroquel abolished dreams...abolished Whisper. Been so afraid to dream since the witch hunters.

SLEEP Red, I know. Like Joseph, king of dreams. (###$ those bitches were a bunch of hoes. Why are you even ######6 talking about them? Piss on those ######6 $#%^ heads who don't know their ass from their face. Psychopathic, sociopathic ###$ in their ###$ cult. Not even Christians. Piss on them.)
End Trigger Warning

Oops. I just got pushed to the fore-front. Guess we're done.
Diagnosis DID-sometimes do not identify as anyone at all
Bitterness- 31 yrs old
Red- 26 yrs old
Fourth-Born- 31 yr old host
Shamrocks-21 yr old female
Gauntlet-16 yrs old, age-slider, agender, and liason of childhood fragments
Whisper-female, ageless?
CrimsonInTheDetails
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 99
Joined: Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:29 am
Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 9:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

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