from the therapists tool box

Birdsong87. I love the tools you shared and hope you carry out your idea of making a whole thread about them that people can add to. The foghorn one is so funny it made me laugh already. I can see that it could really help in the area of my relationships, lol, but only if I do it while I am with the person I am trying to get to know. Considering MY relationship skills, it couldn't hurt!

I am adding it here because it was meaningful and worked really well and our T seems to have an endless supply of surprising wonderful tools...

We were kind of shut down, with Littles crying so hard they couldn't even notice when someone tried to soothe them. the trick with the 2 hands didn't work.
the T took out an instrument and started playing soothing music. it was a curious instrument with unusual sounds and got the attention of the child.
when the Little fronted she played for a while and then invite the Little to try it too.
a perfect chance to make music together and share a sound without the need to speak or explain.
we never had anyone make first contact to Littles through making music together, but this worked incredibly well. it was the least threatening thing we can imagine for making really good connection.
when Ts demand Littles speak or explain or share that never works. but touching an instrument to see if she can make a sound too did.

A bit late but thank you so so so much for making this thread. I never heard of these tips and they seem so useful. Can't wait to try one of them with the others.
Happy they're also working for you.

Like that very much. Your therapist sounds wonderfull and creatieve. Thanks for sharing the ideas!

-- Fri Jul 12, 2019 1:06 pm --

Like that very much. Your therapist sounds wonderfull and creatieve. Thanks for sharing the ideas!

she is the most badass T we ever heard of, and the best-trained T we ever met.
I really like it that she is using real tools that can be learned. we kind of owe it to all those who can't have such an incredible T to share what can be learned that way.

It makes me miss my old T. She was really good as well. Sadly moved away to the other side of the country. Still having a hard time with the new t sometimes but she trying and willing to work with me and try new thing so happy about that. Were working with books and paint and crayons and slowly making progress.

so we repeatedly run into problems when parts are caught up in a flashback experience or vehement emotion and whatever we do doesn't seem to reach them. it is like they are not aware of us, they are so stuck in their experience.

we talked about the basic principle to approach this.
the idea is that at least some of their senses might still be open and connected to the outside.
the handpan in the last post here was an example of the auditory system still being online. we reached Maya by playing her music she had never heard before.
auditory is good to get people out of sympathetic arousal.
but if sound is not the way, there are the other senses.
so we can systematically try to use essential oils, touching a favored stuffy, ... to see if any of that goes thru and for a moment interrupts the parts experience and draws their attention to the outside world. the moment we got a bit of attention the part is already starting to leave their prison of the bad experience. then it is a matter of sticking to the stimulation that worked to draw them out further so they can be soothed and their fears dissolved and all that.
it helps me a lot to see that we can be organized about our attempts to ground them.
I don't know why this seemed new, but we somehow never tried it so systematically.
also i realize how important it is not to give up early.
we might have done it without the T if we had not given up too soon.
it is similar with chained DBT Skills, when it doesn't work it is often because people give up before it had time to work.
it is the very same with stuck parts. if we find an open door with the sensory system we need to stick to it and be patient and persistent

Thanks so much for sharing again! Im trying this a few week now and it seems to work a little for me as well. Some of my parts like to have a nice familiar fragrance, others I let listen to story books on audio now to calm then down. Keep figuring out whats working and trying to stick with it. Talking or drinking a cup of tea or resting just isnt enough most of the time, not reaching the part that needs comfort. Its one of the most challenging things for me.

Are there any online resources for people (in a system, but in general is okay too) who perpetuate hyperarousal because it feels safe and familiar, no matter how painful, to the point where quality of life suffers?

We've Googled. If anyone can recommend specific sites, it would help.

MDs

I am sorry, but I haven't come across more than a mention that this is a thing in books so far
I have some ideas how to approach it but I bet you have worked on this forever without a breakthrough...