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An Interesting Unintentional Integration

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An Interesting Unintentional Integration

Postby GiveMeAMotive » Wed Dec 05, 2018 6:37 am

A bit of background. I am 35 weeks pregnant and after 26 days of only sleeping 1 hour per 24 I had a psychotic break. I mean there is a reason they use sleep deprivation as a torture technique... I didn't know who I was, had no memories, didn't know my husband, my kids, not even my psychiatrist. But being pregnant I could not take antispsychotics and a psych admit wasn't really in the options because where I live Child Protective Services will get involved and I was not about to let that happen. But after 3 days of this insanity I surrendered and was willing to go to the ER for a psych admit. Apparently what had happened was the sleep deprivation put my body in survival mode which triggered constant fight or flight anxiety and a pulse hovering around 200. It was miserable. My doctor kept saying I need to break the cycle and sleep but nothing worked. FInally on that Monday ready for a psych admit i went in and the doctor actually listened to me. He gave me intravenous medication and let me sleep and needless to say things have been so much better. But here is the weird part....

My dominate personality is Lizbeth. I created her after enduring some significant trauma at age 22. Me lauren, stopped aging at 22 even though I am the body. I held the feelings. mostly Rage and Sadness. Lizbeth was brave, strong, and held the memories one of our littles, Lizzie held.

So get this....since the psychotic break and since sleeping and getting back to some what normal Lizbeth is gone.... she doesn't have a room anymore. no chair. and I can't find her. I can't talk to her. its like she melded with me Lauren. Im terrified and also somewhat hopeful? Lizzie is very unhappy because in her mind she lost her mom. The one altar that always took care of her. Has this happened to anyone else? Im so afraid that having a child will trigger post partum and ill create another alter. but at the same time i feel ive lost my biggest coping skill. through out the day Id switch. now i don't have that option. I don't know what to do. My therapist....my ignorant stupid therapist is thrilled. She is soooo happy. not even validating how terrifying this all is. I don't know what to do....
Last edited by Violarules on Wed Dec 05, 2018 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Duplicate thread
Lauren-host-28yrs old
Lizbeth - co-host- 28yrs old
Lizzy-altar-6yrs old-holder of abusive memories
Baby bird-altar-3yrs old-loving and pure
Love alone is worth the fight....
GiveMeAMotive
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