Our partner

need help/advice

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Violarules

need help/advice

Postby OceanWaves » Sat Nov 10, 2018 3:14 am

We have a part that wants to kill the host and has even wanted to kill one of the youngest parts. This part also self harms. This part is very mean. This part is causing a lot of issues.

Our therapist says this part needs help. But we aren't sure how to help it. We don't even know how old this part is, or if its a he/she/it.

How do you help parts like this?
Riley. Little. Kali. 4. Zoey. Amy. Kristy. Whitney. 11. Alyssa. Body Memory. Haley. 22. Shadow. Unknown. Manager. Holly (host) 
OceanWaves
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 94
Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2017 2:03 am
Local time: Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: need help/advice

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat Nov 10, 2018 3:21 am

I don't have one that is quite so destructive, but when we're having any powerful feelings and don't understand them, we go to the journal and ask if someone wants to talk about it. They don't have to say who they are, but they can say how they are feeling.

That part sounds like they are hurting a lot, and it might help them to tell you a little bit about how they feel. Not a LOT, necessarily, because sometimes it makes the feeling bigger to write about it.

And/or you can ask them if there is something that they LIKE to do that isn't destructive and then try doing that.

Just let them know that you're sorry that they are in so much pain (if you are), and that you would like to help them.

(We do all of that asking and telling in the journal, because we communicate better that way).
TheGangsAllHere
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1731
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:15 am
Local time: Sun Nov 18, 2018 1:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: need help/advice

Postby SOHank » Sat Nov 10, 2018 4:38 am

One in my wife's system was in enough pain that she thought it best to end things and another was encouraging it.

Sally carries all the wounds of the body and sees herself still having every significant wound the body ever got from the abuse to the mundane. All she knew was pain and she felt no one would love or accept her.

Sunflower, others in her system, her T, and I worked to show her that she was important, valued, loved, and worthy of love. At some point she wanted to paint, so I set her up with some paper and borrowed my daughters acrylics. She has found more expression in painting than she found in words. She now has her own paints, brushes, and a supply of paint boards. Still hurting, but now has a reason to consider healing.

Alana became "beyond human" during a significant self harm attempt as a teen. As Alana was able to "release from having a body" she was able to escape the suffering. She encouraged others, like a spirit guide, to do the same without realizing the danger of inside versus outside rules. Our T made a deal with Alana to try healing. Alana put a one month timeline on that trial, then extended it another month. I struggled to show Alana appreciation. I was able to compliment her handwriting which she seemed shocked and flattered by as she had never been complimented before. She did not want gifts as, "things are for humans". Eventually I had the idea to get some Tingsha cymbols and scented oil to give her "sound and scent". Over time she grew to trust the T and I and has since become a trusted ally and a significant help.
Married to SunflowerGals
SOHank
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 157
Joined: Fri Jun 22, 2018 5:45 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 18, 2018 3:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: need help/advice

Postby birdsong87 » Sat Nov 10, 2018 7:56 am

I don't believe in "mean" parts anymore. We had too many mean parts turn out to be needy, confused, trying to protect... and expressing themselves in a destructive way.

we would probably start to talk thru, out loud, in a calm but firm voice, explaining that we are safe, orienting. And do the same in the journal.
offer a Safe Place for them alone. And Inner Helpers to go with it if wanted. any imagery that creates safety.
from there we would carefully test if they are willing to share some of their favorites, like food, drinks, toys, things to touch... all senses included. and offer that more often, as an invitation and sign that they are welcome. building trust, especially if its a young part.
sounds weird, cause it is not aiming to control their "meanness" but it has worked for us every time. sense of safety first.
after that you might be able to explore.
what is the need. what do they want. and why. what got them triggered. how to they perceive the world, the system, themselves.
are they oriented in time, place and body.
what is it they know, what is it they don't know. can do, can't do.
...
try to avoid a power struggle. that gets nasty.
communication is key, getting to know them better, trying to understand instead of control. I hope your T can help you. We couldn't do it by ourselves with our first difficult situation and still need help with all of this today.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host); Mike (caregiver); Asti (co-host, achiever); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Thamara (child); Danielle; and others
our blog on resources: www.dis-sos.com
birdsong87
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2814
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 10:20 am
Local time: Sun Nov 18, 2018 10:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: need help/advice

Postby OceanWaves » Sat Nov 10, 2018 11:40 pm

thank you so much for all the advice. really appreciate it.

i was able to have a sort of conversation with this part last night. Unknown (as it's known right now) laid down on the floor with a blanket and closed it's eyes. It told me it carries a whole lot of emotional pain. And that's all that I got from it.

It's not much, but it's progress. Hopefully, my therapist can work better with this part now.
Riley. Little. Kali. 4. Zoey. Amy. Kristy. Whitney. 11. Alyssa. Body Memory. Haley. 22. Shadow. Unknown. Manager. Holly (host) 
OceanWaves
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 94
Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2017 2:03 am
Local time: Sun Nov 18, 2018 4:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: birdsong87, Muninn, Wally58 and 80 guests