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New T

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New T

Postby allofushere » Fri Nov 09, 2018 11:10 pm

Ugg...

We had to find a new T.

So many of us loved the last T. She was great and having been with her for four years made most of us comfortable. Trusting too. Especially talking about the "stuff" that caused our diagnosis.

Now because of the insurance change, we had to find a new one.

Only took three tries.

First try, the T said, "Oh, next month I am only working one day a week and moving to a new office on the other side of town. Didn't my office tell you?"

NO, no your stupid office person didn't tell us anything. I just wasted $40 on the copay only to find out that this won't work out.

Plus, she was sceptical and wrinkled her nose up and said, "Really, they went there?" Meaning my DID diagnosis.

Not too much of a stretch to decide she was not the right T anyway with that attitude.

On my second try, the lady was rude. She stated, "I don't believe in all this DID stuff." Wasted another copay of $40.

Plus, she said that she would not coddle me and was very stern in her speech. The younger ones did not like her anyway.

I am not looking for coddling of the system but be nice. Dang, she was rude. At the end of our time, she said that she hoped I would come back. FAT CHANCE.

Third times a charm...

T number three:

On the phone, I told her about the PTSD and DID diagnosis. She got all excited and said, "I work with DID."

The system got overexcited.

Then she said that she wanted to let me know she does not follow the standard integration practices and approaches therapy with more of a family therapy style (that was working with the last T).

Oh, the joy. Several alters have balked at the idea of integration. A couple of years ago when the idea of integration was brought up several alters were telling me that they did not want to die.

So the idea of integration has always been off the table. And to find a new T that understands that is refreshing.

I have only been out of therapy since the end of July but it feels like forever. I feel a huge backslide and really want to start working on helping us all get along.

we had our first meeting with new T. During the time in there new T spoke directly to the alters to let them or the ones present know she was there to help and wanted to talk with any that were up to it.

Totally respectful of all parts of the system. This looks like it will be good for us.

Of course, I caught her just before her two-week vacation. So the next appointment is not until the first week of December. It's all good because we all have hope again.
The Grey Boy - 4ish, keeper of secrets. Permanently asleep and grey in color
The Little Guy -5
Michael -8
Julia -12, Protector of The Grey Boy - "Don't wake him up!"
Roy - Troubled teen smart ass
Robert - Adult who was out front when we worked
James - Host whos name is on ID
and others...
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Re: New T

Postby SOHank » Sat Nov 10, 2018 2:55 am

:D That is good news.

I hear you about insurance. I found better coverage, cheaper, but they won't cover my wife's current T who has done SOOO much for her. So, we are sticking with the old insurance. :|

Sounds like you do have a winner in the 3rd one. 8)

SF and I have a similar stance on integration. At the start it was "the solution". As we've learned more it is one thing on a list of things that would be considered "success".
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Re: New T

Postby Ponyta » Sat Nov 10, 2018 4:21 am

Sorry to hear that you had to change Ts. :(

Glad to hear though that the 3rd one sounds caring. We hope that she will be just as great or greater than your last T. We hope she will help all of you. :)
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Re: New T

Postby birdsong87 » Sat Nov 10, 2018 10:37 am

Glad to hear you found someone.
I hope that your new T is not having an outdated understanding of what integration means that would match your fears. Being more integrated is a good goal, a healing goal. It doesn't have to mean full fusion. Mostly parts are afraid of the I-word because they don't understand what it really means.
A T who doesn't have "working toward being more integrated" in mind but instead supports every part in having their own life might get you stuck long-term.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host); Mike (caregiver); Asti (co-host, achiever); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Thamara (child); Danielle; and others
our blog on resources: www.dis-sos.com
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Re: New T

Postby scharah » Mon Nov 12, 2018 11:26 am

I have the same situation soon when my therapy ends, I hate having to fight for stupid treatment along with all the other problems, for fukc sake this should be easier!

Also my problem with any therapist is that since I'm their "work" they don't really deep down care about me in the way I want them to, meaning I want them to care about me as much as they care about their children and I'm angry no one wants to care about me / us like that, and never has.

That's why I'm filled with hate, anger and bitterness towards children and happy adults because they get or have gotten something essential and I haven't. So I feel I want to make them feel as bad as I feel and take away their happiness. I imagine most people relate to these feelings when they lose something important, like a child or their health, other times they are hypocrites and think "oh what horrible thoughts" :P

Disclaimer: I obviously won't concretely try to do bad stuff, although I'm currently not fun to be around do to my bitterness and negativity..
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Re: New T

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Mon Nov 12, 2018 6:25 pm

scharah wrote:Also my problem with any therapist is that since I'm their "work" they don't really deep down care about me in the way I want them to, meaning I want them to care about me as much as they care about their children and I'm angry no one wants to care about me / us like that, and never has.

That's why I'm filled with hate, anger and bitterness towards children and happy adults because they get or have gotten something essential and I haven't.


This is a key issue to WORK on in therapy, because I used to view it as an either/or situation (and I have some parts that probably still do view it this way: Either the T cares about me in the same way as their child OR they don't care about me AT ALL. When I first started to see my T, I had all those bitter, angry feelings toward happy kids come up in a big way--it was very hard to deal with.

He has been showing me that it doesn't have to be one or the other--there are other possibilities. You can't pay someone to like you and care about you--that's something that will or won't happen independent of whether you're paying them or not. I pay for my T's TIME, but he has been consistently showing me that he really cares about me and my feelings, genuinely likes me, and carries his idea of who I am (as close to the "real me" as he knows so far) in his thoughts and in his heart when I'm not with him. My littles need that to be said out loud and repeated a lot, as well as demonstrated by his responsiveness to them, and it has taken a lot of time and work for me to start to believe it.

There still is grief that we WON'T ever have a "good parent," and that can be overwhelming at times, but the attachment that I have with my T helps me with that more than it hurts. Most of the time.

So there ARE good Ts that can help you with this--they're just hard to find.
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Re: New T

Postby SOHank » Tue Nov 13, 2018 12:42 am

scharah wrote:since I'm their "work" they don't really deep down care about me in the way I want them to


I see your concern. I also see how it would be difficult to be a T and care deeply about each patient without being "consumed".

At the same time, many (most) really do care a lot. Similar to social work, firefighters, etc, its a job but also a calling. I don't think you'd find many in any of these professions saying its all about the money. I think most would say its a way to help people in a needed service and pay their bills at the same time.
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Re: New T

Postby scharah » Tue Nov 13, 2018 7:25 am

TheGangsAllHere wrote:
scharah wrote:Also my problem with any therapist is that since I'm their "work" they don't really deep down care about me in the way I want them to, meaning I want them to care about me as much as they care about their children and I'm angry no one wants to care about me / us like that, and never has.

That's why I'm filled with hate, anger and bitterness towards children and happy adults because they get or have gotten something essential and I haven't.


This is a key issue to WORK on in therapy, because I used to view it as an either/or situation (and I have some parts that probably still do view it this way: Either the T cares about me in the same way as their child OR they don't care about me AT ALL. When I first started to see my T, I had all those bitter, angry feelings toward happy kids come up in a big way--it was very hard to deal with.

He has been showing me that it doesn't have to be one or the other--there are other possibilities. You can't pay someone to like you and care about you--that's something that will or won't happen independent of whether you're paying them or not. I pay for my T's TIME, but he has been consistently showing me that he really cares about me and my feelings, genuinely likes me, and carries his idea of who I am (as close to the "real me" as he knows so far) in his thoughts and in his heart when I'm not with him. My littles need that to be said out loud and repeated a lot, as well as demonstrated by his responsiveness to them, and it has taken a lot of time and work for me to start to believe it.

There still is grief that we WON'T ever have a "good parent," and that can be overwhelming at times, but the attachment that I have with my T helps me with that more than it hurts. Most of the time.

So there ARE good Ts that can help you with this--they're just hard to find.


That is a good point, I remember my therapist saying something like that- I guess I don't feel like my T likes me very much as a person, she has said I'm interesting when I specifically asked if I am but I often find that she seems to be appalled by many of the things I say and then I'm ashamed of myself.

But she still is the best therapist I've had and I've had many so maybe I'm just a horrible person but at least my T hasn't admitted thinking like that. So either I'm paranoid or she really does think I'm quite appalling and just pretends otherwise. And I don't mean appalled by things that have happened to me but by my deep seeded bitterness and coldness and general asocial tendencies.

I feel like she has sort of a role when I'm there and I can't see through that role.
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