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My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

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My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby TogetherWeAreHope » Wed Nov 07, 2018 11:31 pm

Hey there everybody,

This isn’t like a dairy, because I don’t want a public diary. But this is a post I’ll probably come back to, write random junk in every so often and hope someone I never met before listens to me, just for the sake of being listened to, hopefully some of you talk to me as well. There shouldn’t be anything that’s a TW in this post, I only put it in the title as a precaution (aka, afraid to get banned or scare someone). I posted on the forum here before, not very much mind you. I’m guessing none of you remember me from some random post eons ago, so I will introduce myself briefly now without going super in depth and getting all personal about my life lol.

I’m Angel, sort of a goth girl who likes spooky stuff, vampires, donuts and video games. Practically a weird alter who is the complete opposite of the host (in many ways, not everything) and someone that wants some bloody attention from complete strangers. Why? I don’t know really, maybe you people are strangers that can sympathize with me a little? It’s not that I’m not happy with my life at all, I love our bf and my sisters (that’s what we call eachother in our “system”, we’re all girls). Yet i’ve always been the one who wants to be heard, wants attention, wants red contact lenses that are probably dangerous, wants to dye our hair black and wants to wear an outfit that looks a little similar to a Halloween costume. Again, why? Because I want freedom man, I want some damn freedom. And nooo, I don’t want to like, do this all the time. I don’t want to consume our life and take over it so the others have nothing, I don’t. I just want, you know, some things for me, some time to be me, not just with certain select people, with anyone, with everyone! No more fear. And not feel like I’m an embarrassment, or some freaky alternate identity that has to be kept secret. Because I’m not, I’m only a girl who wants some of our life to be my life too. So maybe that’s why I feel the need to make this and that’s why they feel the need to let me make this.

Okay, so that’s enough of an introduction. Anyone can reply to anything on here, talk to me for no reason, it’s all fine with me (long as you’re not being extremely rude). Actually, please do talk to me, I’d love that! PMs are welcome too!

PS: Multiples can change font color on this forum, isn’t that super awesome? Red text is the best!
Star (Host), Angel (Protecter), Kitty (Happy go lucky),
Instinct (Sexual), Soul (Rational), Clair (Social).
~If post is written in black
more than one of us is writing it~
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Re: My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby NyxX » Thu Nov 08, 2018 12:45 am

Why would red contact lenses be dangerous?
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We might mention Ozalces he is our SO he made an account but doesn't use it much
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Re: My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby SOHank » Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:04 am

Hi Angel.

Sounds like you might get along with AJ in my wife's system. She also like's things that are very different than SF in terms of haircut, clothes, etc. :wink:
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Re: My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby TogetherWeAreHope » Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:10 am

NyxX wrote:Why would red contact lenses be dangerous?

Haha, I mean, I don’t actually know. Star thinks that colored contact lenses (especially red for some reason) are dangerous and might, change the color of peoples eyes to always look red? Or like, melt chemicals into our eyes? I really don’t understand how that could be true :roll: I’ve seen cosplayers dress up and use them often so yeah, I’d like some please!

*I’d have a purse with red contacts, and when I switch in be like*
“K, wait a sec, just let me put these in now”
(Random person watches as I turn around and put in the lenses)
“There, NOW you can definitely tell who I am! Star wouldn’t wear these!” :lol:


-- Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:19 pm --

SOHank wrote:Hi Angel.

Sounds like you might get along with AJ in my wife's system. She also like's things that are very different than SF in terms of haircut, clothes, etc. :wink:

Hey Hank,

Ooooh, yeah, it’d be fun to meet AJ! Sounds like someone I could relate with :lol: Do they have an account here? It’d be great for them to say hello sometime if they want, post here or PM, whatever they like.
Star (Host), Angel (Protecter), Kitty (Happy go lucky),
Instinct (Sexual), Soul (Rational), Clair (Social).
~If post is written in black
more than one of us is writing it~
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Re: My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby TogetherWeAreHope » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:49 pm

I feel like I wanna rant about some random feelings now, so maybe someone here will listen or talk about it, I’d like that. So, maybe, someone will understand how I feel?

***Trigger Warning*** *Am I real*

I already said before, it’s not that I hate my life, or I hate the others with me. It’s not that I think everything is terrible, or horrible. It’s not that I don’t appreciate. It’s not that it’s not enough for me. It’s that, no matter what, when someone I pass by looks at me, who will they see? If someone knows of me, what will they think? Am I just a false state to them, a lie. That I’m pretend, made up, created. Is that really all I am to some? Is that what others will might of me.

Am I real?

Those words hurt me. I think them and they hurt me. No matter how I beileve in myself, those words hurt me. I feel real, I like what I like, I dislike what I dislike. I have feelings and thoughts of my own. Isn’t that in itself existence? Or is it not? Do I even exist in reality. Aren’t I just as real and valid as her?! Aren’t I just as important, just as true. What is the difference in truth between her perosnality and mine.

I know I’m real, I feel I am.
So I don’t care what others think. Or so I say...
It still hurts. Knowing one in every two will think I’m a ruse.
But what can I do? Nothing. No words I can say will be proof enough. Because seeing is believing, and you can’t see me, unless you want to let yourself.

***Trigger Warning End***

Well, there you go, lol.
Star (Host), Angel (Protecter), Kitty (Happy go lucky),
Instinct (Sexual), Soul (Rational), Clair (Social).
~If post is written in black
more than one of us is writing it~
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Re: My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby VioletFlux » Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:06 pm

Hey Angel,

I get what you're saying. It's not something that's been an issue for me, personally. For Violet, she's more superficial like she worries not that people don't see her as her, but that they see our body. And those who knew us before, knew our old host, they look at us and they probably see Stephanie 'but with a different name'.

Like Violet sees herself as a 16yo and thinks of herself that way and all, and when she meets and talks with people, strangers or not, she assumes they see what she sees. Until something reminds her, and that gets her sad and upset.

For me... I guess I honestly just don't give a ###$. Like, my existance doesn't depend on what anyone else thinks or says or does. I just don't care. If someone was to be all up in our face about it, like accuse any of us of faking, or tell any of us that we were all just an act or make believe or whatever, I'd just shrug and move on. Nobody is worth putting up with that BS.

Sorry if I've missed your point or whatever, I don't know if you wanted answers or this kind of response.

I mean, I kinda get what you're saying. But honestly, you are real and you don't need anyone else's validation, approval, or understanding. You're real because you are. Just being able to say it and ask it and think about it, means it's true.

Viola
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Body: 49f; Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.
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Re: My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby TogetherWeAreHope » Fri Nov 09, 2018 9:36 pm

Hey Viola,

You actually were spot on with what I mean. I sound a bit like your systems Violet in that way .-. I don’t know why I care honestly. It’s something that bothers me I guess. I always dream of getting to wear black and things like that. I think, the reason I should do those things, if I ever get to, is to do it for me. Not for what others think.

And yeah, there’s no point caring about people saying BS things like that. It’s funny because I usually don’t give a damn what people think of me, unless it comes to them thinking of me being real, if that makes sense?

Your response was perfect, don’t worry about it.

You’re right. You’re totally right. I never thought of it as that matter of fact.

Why am I worrying about this in the first place, lol.
I should try to think about this stuff less. Thanks for writing that.

Why did I make this thread in the first place, I’m weird :shock:
Star (Host), Angel (Protecter), Kitty (Happy go lucky),
Instinct (Sexual), Soul (Rational), Clair (Social).
~If post is written in black
more than one of us is writing it~
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Re: My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby SOHank » Sat Nov 10, 2018 2:36 am

TogetherWeAreHope wrote:
Am I real?


A few in SF's system have had the same concern. I tell all my wife's insiders that they are very real, but are stuck having to share a body.

Below is the most important nugget here. :wink:

TogetherWeAreHope wrote:
I know I’m real, I feel I am.


Also SF will add in AJ's style preferences in what she wears. (She likes green, camo, flannel, etc.) Not all the time, but often. Sometimes SF will tell me "insert name" picked out my outfit today. Maybe you could get shoes, clothes, a button, etc. the host could wear so a part of your personality would be showing even if you aren't out?
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Re: My Reality (Possible TW) *Randomness Journal and Chat?*

Postby TogetherWeAreHope » Wed Nov 14, 2018 6:47 pm

SOHank wrote:
TogetherWeAreHope wrote:
Am I real?

A few in SF's system have had the same concern. I tell all my wife's insiders that they are very real, but are stuck having to share a body.
Below is the most important nugget here. :wink:
TogetherWeAreHope wrote:
I know I’m real, I feel I am.

Also SF will add in AJ's style preferences in what she wears. (She likes green, camo, flannel, etc.) Not all the time, but often. Sometimes SF will tell me "insert name" picked out my outfit today. Maybe you could get shoes, clothes, a button, etc. the host could wear so a part of your personality would be showing even if you aren't out?

Lol, thank you! Guess I’ve been overthinking things. I need to lighten up with this. I already told myself I’m real so yeah that should be good enough for me :D and that’s a good idea! I actually bought a couple pairs of shoes but we haven’t worn them much yet. Probably will sometime though. That’s such a cute idea, I just imagine a hat or shirt or something with like different colored buttons on it for each alter :lol:

Have a nice day!
Star (Host), Angel (Protecter), Kitty (Happy go lucky),
Instinct (Sexual), Soul (Rational), Clair (Social).
~If post is written in black
more than one of us is writing it~
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