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On Fragments and Religion

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On Fragments and Religion

Postby Mosaic Butterflies » Sun Oct 28, 2018 7:22 am

You know... ever since I left my mother's house to live with my grandparents, I've had a conflicted journey to finding out who I am and what I believe in. Particularly when it's come to my religious beliefs, it's been difficult finding a home for myself, and in fact I'm still searching.

I've been wondering for years what's wrong with me. I bounce from one religion to the other like nobody's business and it's ridiculous how rapid the bouncing would happen sometimes. It didn't occur to me until right about now that perhaps the problem was that I had fragments that were competing over who would control the body's faith.

Suddenly, everything makes sense to me.

Now all I'm left wondering is who to become, so... I mean, I got my answer as to why I was so fickle-minded, but I'm right back at square one it feels like. I want a place to call home, like I had before I left my mom's house. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to do something like that ever again... maybe not. It's difficult not having a faith community to call your own, especially after growing up as a hardcore religious person for most of your life.

And, for those who were interested, the religions that reside within my head are Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Spirituality (that's her name, but she's associated with witch stuff). They're independent fragments that try to influence the system to choose their side.

Christianity is particularly persistent simply because it's "pure and clean", plus she wants us to get to Heaven, which won't happen if we don't believe in Jesus, get baptized, and get "saved"... I feel like she has a lot of baggage that she really needs to deal with, especially since she denies core parts of ourselves when she's active (like the fact that we're not straight and that Kyle is transgender).

Islam is kind of like Christianity, except I've made my peace with not being Muslim anymore, so she doesn't push it. Still, I really do miss fasting on Ramadan, hanging up Christmas lights during Ramadan and Eid, getting Eid presents, and wearing my hijab. I think, more than anything else, she exists because of my nostalgia... something I may never get over after the trauma of being ripped away from my entire Muslim side of the family... that's a long story, though.

Judaism is more or less agnostic about everything, including what happens after you die and matters of if God even exists (although we still believe in God). Her main focus is on living a good life now and then waiting to see what happens in the afterlife, if it happens to exist. She makes the most logical sense to me and that's why I'm trying to choose her route for my religious affiliation. Still, that's hard when Christianity (the fragment, not the religion) won't leave anyone alone.

Finally, there's Spirituality. Not much to say about her, except that she really loves nature and looking at witchcraft and paranormal stuff. She's thought about doing witch stuff, but for the most part, we just keep it simple and focus on energy transference and using crystals when she is active... that probably sounds a little weird, but that's just how she works and we try not to judge.

So yeah, those are the fragments in my head that seem to hold a lot of strong feelings when it comes to religious stuff.

Does anyone else have any religious parts, especially ones of different beliefs? How do you cope with that, personally?
Dx: PTSD, Bipolar 2, OSDD-1b

My System
Stella (22), [Mother] (43), Autumn (22), Diana (25), Alice (15), Aliza (19), Abusive Alter (??), Hurting Alter (??), Kyle (15), Peter (17), Luna (6), Beverly (8), Hungry Child (??), Babushka (??), Baby (??)
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby ItsJustUs » Mon Oct 29, 2018 1:12 pm

We are Christian. And while the parts don't compete for different religions, I do have one part that is constantly worried about the spiritual stuff. She ponders questions like "If one part is a strong Christian, and others are not, then what happens when the body dies? Do we all have a our own soul? And if so, will some go up while others go down? What if the parts get smooshed back together into one soul, then what? Will we all go because one's belief sanctified us all, or do we all go down because of a part or parts that didn't believe?" This part gets very upset when she thinks about it too much.

Overall, the rest of us believe that in the end, it's one soul that was fractured into parts, it will be pieced back together seamlessly as if we had always been one cohesive part, and as a whole we will all get to heaven.

I once knew a person with DID, who had one part become a Christian and get saved. Eventually her feelings of this being the right way trickled into nearly all of her dozens of parts.

If I may speak directly to your Christianity part....
Please remember that God teaches love and forgiveness. Even if you do not agree with the sexual orientation of other parts in your system, you should love them. And I encourage you to pray for guidance.

To the others in your system:
I mean no disrespect to you by speaking to Christianity, I'm a Christian and so that is where my point of view comes from.

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Kitten 39F-Core, Delilah (age unknown)F- Protector/System Manager/Care Taker, Britney 17F- Former persecutor turned protector, Lilly 5.5F, Little Wolf (young, but age unknown) "job" unknown, Val- age unknown, Female entity, we think she is a protector
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby Zor » Mon Oct 29, 2018 3:44 pm

Mosaic Butterflies wrote:You know... ever since I left my mother's house to live with my grandparents, I've had a conflicted journey to finding out who I am and what I believe in. Particularly when it's come to my religious beliefs, it's been difficult finding a home for myself, and in fact I'm still searching.

I've been wondering for years what's wrong with me. I bounce from one religion to the other like nobody's business and it's ridiculous how rapid the bouncing would happen sometimes. It didn't occur to me until right about now that perhaps the problem was that I had fragments that were competing over who would control the body's faith.

Suddenly, everything makes sense to me.

Now all I'm left wondering is who to become, so... I mean, I got my answer as to why I was so fickle-minded, but I'm right back at square one it feels like. I want a place to call home, like I had before I left my mom's house. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to do something like that ever again... maybe not. It's difficult not having a faith community to call your own, especially after growing up as a hardcore religious person for most of your life.

And, for those who were interested, the religions that reside within my head are Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Spirituality (that's her name, but she's associated with witch stuff). They're independent fragments that try to influence the system to choose their side.

Christianity is particularly persistent simply because it's "pure and clean", plus she wants us to get to Heaven, which won't happen if we don't believe in Jesus, get baptized, and get "saved"... I feel like she has a lot of baggage that she really needs to deal with, especially since she denies core parts of ourselves when she's active (like the fact that we're not straight and that Kyle is transgender).

Islam is kind of like Christianity, except I've made my peace with not being Muslim anymore, so she doesn't push it. Still, I really do miss fasting on Ramadan, hanging up Christmas lights during Ramadan and Eid, getting Eid presents, and wearing my hijab. I think, more than anything else, she exists because of my nostalgia... something I may never get over after the trauma of being ripped away from my entire Muslim side of the family... that's a long story, though.

Judaism is more or less agnostic about everything, including what happens after you die and matters of if God even exists (although we still believe in God). Her main focus is on living a good life now and then waiting to see what happens in the afterlife, if it happens to exist. She makes the most logical sense to me and that's why I'm trying to choose her route for my religious affiliation. Still, that's hard when Christianity (the fragment, not the religion) won't leave anyone alone.

Finally, there's Spirituality. Not much to say about her, except that she really loves nature and looking at witchcraft and paranormal stuff. She's thought about doing witch stuff, but for the most part, we just keep it simple and focus on energy transference and using crystals when she is active... that probably sounds a little weird, but that's just how she works and we try not to judge.

So yeah, those are the fragments in my head that seem to hold a lot of strong feelings when it comes to religious stuff.

Does anyone else have any religious parts, especially ones of different beliefs? How do you cope with that, personally?


So we've got some VERY religious parts (all of them share something in common in their faith and we're on similar beliefs and walks of our faith), and I can tell you right off hand- the "Judaism" part you mentioned, sounds very "reform" which one of my parts (and a second if she weren't in denial over it and still thinking she's her own person apart from us) would be VERY strongly offended by the "agnostic" description of Judaism.
They are ethnic Jewish, Messianic by faith and upbringing... very Orthodox in their walk and lifestyle.

I have an interesting perspective on this, b/c when I met Kaleb about a decade ago (LONG before I'd realize he was one of our system- or that I was DID and even HAVE a system) he and I were very different in our faith. I was mainstream non-denominational Christian, his family very Orthodox-like Messianic Jewish.
We had hours and hours of long conversations about our faiths and how they relate to each other and scriptural topics. Eventually some of the things he said began to make me wonder why I do some things and why I'm doing this or that- and I began diving into and asking questions about the Jewish faith, particularly the Messianic side and how this was first and where the "church" moved away from it and such. We talked for TWO YEARS before I began investigating that.
Long story short, I have kept Sabbath, the holy days and Biblical calendar, and read the Torah portions in the same manner he does today. I don't even tell people I am "Christian" anymore, unless it would confuse them to hear something else- I say I'm Messianic or follow Messianic Judaism, and explain how it's the same and how it's different.

Some of the others, like Pixie, have more recently began to investigate it (mostly b/c she lives with Katya, Kaleb's little sister- the one in denial about who/what she is, so she sees it day in and out and does it with Katya out of respect and mutually enjoying the spirituality of it).

For many of us, our faith is a grounding and stabilizing focus of our lives. It defines more than what we believe, but how we live and even who we are in large part.

There is a problem of existential crisis for Kaleb (recently told he's a part of the system, about the time _I_ found out) and he's pondering what it means for his salvation, his eternity... Me? I've more or less decided on the fact that God KNEW what happened to me, the trauma (whatever it was, I don't know at this time), and the way this would effect the mind- that it would essentially create all of us in this way. He knew we'd be independent enough to be entirely unique despite intimately connected and all would have our free will to learn and choose Him or not- so I believe we're all as He wanted and He respects each of us for who we are.

This isn't without difficulty, however. Pixie and Kitten are two of the girls in our system and WANT to be and feel like girls when "out". They want the clothes to wear when they're out... That is awkward for me, but I understand (slowly coming to) that it's not JUST me and my life... I am trying to apply this "He knows each of us" belief to us physically as well as spiritually... It's difficult but it is what it is.

There's never easy answers when it comes to these things, and this sort of existence makes it even more difficult some times.
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The rest of us: {\Pixie/}, Kaitie-Lynn (aka "Kitten"), Kaleb, Angel, Katya, Satin, Charles, Chloe, Noah, and a few rarely seen
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby myaltersandme » Mon Oct 29, 2018 4:21 pm

Hello. We are new to the forum and we would like to answer your question. :)
Our host / original Mary is Christian by birth.
Before I (Mary) was diagnosed with did I have doubts about what religion or spiritual system was better.
One of our alters is wiccan (Alana) and wicca and paganism in general attracts me a lot but deep down when Mary is in charge I am still a Christian and when Alana is in charge I am a Wiccan. Other alters do not seem to have a preference for any religion but they seem respectful of others.

We are still at the beginning of therapy and we are getting to know each other.
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby Mosaic Butterflies » Mon Nov 05, 2018 10:56 pm

Hello everyone. Sorry for the delay in a response. I've been busy as of late. But I wanted to thank everyone for their responses. I can't reply to everyone because I'm too tired to do so, but I did want to give an update on more that I've learned about Christianity (my part, not the religion).

I've learned that this girl has a lot of self hatred on the inside and it's really sad to me and kind of degrading some of the work that I've done on my self esteem. You see, I am a woman of color... and Christianity (the part, not the religion) seems to have a probem with that for some reason??

I swear that I don't mean to paint the religion as something bad, but this fragment of mine seems to want to be white and blonde... it really hurts to see her become like that, because I remember hating my looks when I was a child because I didn't happen to look like that... And not only that, but she believes that she will never be good enough to get into Heaven no matter what she does, so her trying to convert the rest of us, I realize, would do nothing to make her feel better. In my opinion, I think it might only make her feel worse since she would become even more scrupulous in her worship...

I'm sorry. I can't type anymore right now. This is really depressing me and making me feel hopeless. Again, I don't want to say that Christianity as a religion is bad, I'm just describing the reality of this fragment that I have... I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way.
Dx: PTSD, Bipolar 2, OSDD-1b

My System
Stella (22), [Mother] (43), Autumn (22), Diana (25), Alice (15), Aliza (19), Abusive Alter (??), Hurting Alter (??), Kyle (15), Peter (17), Luna (6), Beverly (8), Hungry Child (??), Babushka (??), Baby (??)
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby myce » Wed Nov 07, 2018 1:57 am

I'm sorry you feel so depressed. I attended a Christian church as a child, and through this education I developed an aversion to religion. Part of the reason is because they were hateful and the things they said about their god frightened me and made no sense. Some church leaders abuse religion and feed people a lot of nonsense in order to control them.

However I have great respect and admiration for the man who is known as Jesus Christ. What he did in the world at the time was revolutionary, to bring a message of love and altruism in a very cruel and harsh world. I believe he willingly martyred himself to spread the word so his sacrifice was real. I don't think he said anything about having to be good enough to get into heaven. In fact his message was the opposite. He said even people who have done terrible things can get into heaven, if they believe in him and his message. He cared for people who others loathed and was kind to children. I think your part has had some hateful, negative and racist influences in the religious training. I'm not sure how to help this, I'm sorry.

As I mentioned above there are people who use religion in the wrong way. Messages about love, forgiveness, submission, "turning the other cheek," have their place in spiritual ideas. But they are contrasted with ideas about punishment and damnation, and that is crazy-making. These and other things in the Bible have been distorted and misused to control people in the wrong ways. Those with bad intentions use the Bible to justify domestic abuse and slavery. Some people of color have turned away from Christianity because of bad historical associations. Maybe it would help your alter to focus on Jesus message of love, forgiveness and how he cared for people. Christians say he gave his life so you can be saved no matter who you are. I believe he gave his life to teach the world about love, but his message was distorted.
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby Windsoar » Wed Nov 07, 2018 7:30 am

Our insiders are different religions. But we don't try to convert them. No one is the one & only religion. So all are welcome to join in on religious activities as they want. Our atheist..actually think he is more mad at God then doesn't believe IMHO...can abstain from participating.Whether that's decorating, praying, whatever. Lots of holydays overlap.... Christmas/Yule. Last week helped at a Baptist Harvest Festival, looked for midnight Mass, celebrated Sawhain, went to temple to support our outside friends in Jewish community on first Shabbat after Tree of Life. We don't have one faith community as we are very secretive about our dx.We are a family & support insiders as we would if they were members of our outside family with different faiths. Perhaps further down the road we will consolidate around one set of beliefs but we aren't there yet.
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby NyxX » Wed Nov 07, 2018 2:34 pm

Turn the other cheek isn't as peaceful as it is often interpreted to be because it and many other parts of the bible need to be interpreted in context of the time period it was written. So turning the other cheek, going the extra mile are about passive resistance, so his behaviour is comparable in modern terms with Mohandas Gandhi or Martin Luther King. Link for full explanation if anyone desires.

https://www.ncronline.org/blogs/road-pe ... unt-part-3

Jesus was also way more accepting then most modern christian churches. For example he healed a centurions male lover, and more commonly know but less acceptable in Jesuss time period the forgiving the prostitute who washed his feet and healing lepers. Link for discussion on Jesus healing the lover.

https://www.gaychristian101.com/Gay-Centurion.html

So I tend to view his sacrifice about being willing to sacrifice himself for equality and freedom and less about love and forgiveness that we are usually taught.
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We might mention Ozalces he is our SO he made an account but doesn't use it much
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby subversiverisks » Wed Nov 07, 2018 6:06 pm

Well for us we cope and validate what we need to.

Christianity, we do a mix of holiness and baptist then the mega church mentality. We basically divide up the knowledge by what are the tendencies in those assemblies.

Muslim, acknowledge no pork at certain time and few other principles.

I'd just acknowledge and anything similar to a hijab or other items as the mind does it just validate the internalize of having one or whatever the issue is. Any similar shapes of hats were rescripted anyway as a hijab in your inner world that helps sell the alter for what it is.


I make sure, that it doesn't become a big issue, if it does then I move to more of atheist type of thought process.
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Re: On Fragments and Religion

Postby BeccaBee » Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:15 am

we can definately identify having mixed feelings and beliefs.

in practice we are Baha'i.

sharing a body is hard. but when it came to religion, spirituality, and faith I felt like the best thing for us was to pick it and stick it. I've still got my pagan side that is super in touch with seasons and calendar. I have been known to cast a spell now and then (always for good). and I'm into the Buddhist concept of detachment and seeing the spirit of God in everything. I loved the bhagavadgita. but for my outside life and for my kid I thought it best to pick it and stick it. so I went with Bahai. which happens to normally be the most loving, genuine, accepting people you will ever find. and it teaches my kid important spiritual lessons. and we get to avoid the judgey, gossipy, give us all your money vibe of southern churches.

I think that our souls all whole. our minds are fractured. and that when we die we are freed from the disorder and go to a world of light. and I think I have been forgiven for my deeds and actions when I was unaware. or if I am not already forgiven - that I will be.

it's ok to feel different ways about different things.

the world teaches us that beautiful means white. tall and thin and blonde. but God made us just the way we are supposed to be. like flowers in a garden, the beauty is in our diversity. and God made you beautiful just the way you are. true beauty is inside. it is truth, justice, mercy, compassion, forgiveness, hope, certitude, and perseverance. do not despair if this world driven by consumption, fear, and greed has lost sight of true beauty. I am short, and pink!, and curvy. and I am beautiful and unique. and my soul is radiant. what I've lost physically in the looks department with age is nothing compared to the wisdom, experience, and confidence I've gained.

I hope you can see your true God-given beauty. just the way you are. right now.
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