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Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

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Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby sleepingwolf » Wed Oct 10, 2018 1:48 pm

We've starting our new 'Season' of Therapy today and I'm thinking it's an idea to write about some of our reflections here, and any comments from you guys. We have it fortnightly (every two weeks :D ) and we'll aim to post about it here each time.

Ok so this session...

It's with our old T, of which we've had 10 sessions before. We went back to her as a paid customer this time, after a Summer off (saving monies and having a break). This is the first time we've actually paid for therapy, as before with moving so much we've been lucky to get 'crisis' therapy, but only for 6 or 10 sessions. We've now got 12 sessions booked over the Autumn/Winter. Then hopefully another Summer of saving, and back to her again next October.

Our reflections from today...

We realised that a lot has developed and happened this Summer. Nothing drastic or 'crisis', but some real developments, that will take time to digest. I think we really need some 'pootle along' time, where we get a bit more used to stuff. I can see our anxieties can push that away and we can become a bit obsessive.

We realised that we haven't had much real 'play' time in our lives. We've spent a lot of time thinking about play, daydreaming about play, but not really doing it. A few areas (lego, comics and model figures) became a salvation for us, no joke they kept us going. We have such a huge, deep passion for them...but we're realising, not much 'game time' so to speak. It's quite strange.
As we are trying to start up these hobbies we're seeing we need to take it really easy and slowly, and bear in mind its still quite new. Eventhough it feels super close, deep and personal. As an adult we can't just go and buy a load of lego (even if money was no object), as we're not wanting to 'replace what we lost', rather, start something new entirely. It makes my mind boggle a bit to be honest.

We've started by buying a lego magazine today. It gives you a comic and a toy, and is pretty small. It can be for the littles too! I think we're going to start our hobbies more in the 'beginners' section and slowly build up, rather than diving right in...


- - Mild trigger warning of daily life hardships - -

We also realised that some of our experiences, although common say 100 years ago, have a cultural issue in modern day. Due to an unstable home we used to walk to and from school a lot, about 3 miles or so, which as I say isn't that uncommon at all, especially in some countries now, but the hardship was more that no-one else was doing it. Our friends were home quickly and playing or whatever, whilst I missed out on this vital time. It makes you feel more 'left out' I think...

- - Trigger warning over - -


That's about it for this session. All comments most welcome, and I'll try and post again in a few weeks on this page.

Oh yea, and therapy is absolutely flipping exhausting! :D
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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby littleDaria » Wed Oct 10, 2018 1:59 pm

sleepingwolf wrote:
We realised that we haven't had much real 'play' time in our lives.... ...As an adult we can't just go and buy a load of lego (even if money was no object), as we're not wanting to 'replace what we lost', rather, start something new entirely. It makes my mind boggle a bit to be honest...

We've started by buying a lego magazine today. It gives you a comic and a toy, and is pretty small. It can be for the littles too! I think we're going to start our hobbies more in the 'beginners' section and slowly build up, rather than diving right in...
Oh yea, and therapy is absolutely flipping exhausting! :D


We love Lego too! We have a lot, from slow collecting we did some years ago. We really really want the Cinderella Castle set. And why not 'dive right in'? Loads of adults collect and play with Lego.
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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby NyxX » Wed Oct 10, 2018 3:06 pm

If your worried about diving you into lego to replace what you have lost there are other hobbies where you can build stuff from stuff like k'nex to 3d jigsaws to building miniature things like ships.

Also is it really so bad to put effort into replacing something you lost or missed out on?
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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby sleepingwolf » Thu Oct 11, 2018 7:30 am

Thanks for the messages and support guys. I guess I think we feel a bit (or a lot) of emotions around it, with some fear, embarrassment and shame. I think we also feel our sense of pride is hurt, with realising we're not where we thought we were. This just means we have to take it slow I think...

But we bought a lego magazine with a comic and bike guy for the littles (and a start of the adult collection too) :D

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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Thu Oct 11, 2018 10:02 am

sleepingwolf wrote:We also realised that some of our experiences, although common say 100 years ago, have a cultural issue in modern day. Due to an unstable home we used to walk to and from school a lot, about 3 miles or so, which as I say isn't that uncommon at all, especially in some countries now, but the hardship was more that no-one else was doing it.


Me and my childhoodfriends also walked home from school, but not everyday, only those days we wanted to quit early. i had 10 kilometers and my friend 20 kilometers home, we used to walk thru the woods between our homes when we visited eachother too.
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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby sleepingwolf » Thu Oct 11, 2018 1:17 pm

Wow, that is impressive! Thanks for sharing. :D

Did it give you a love for the outdoors, or do you avoid it nowadays?


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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Thu Oct 11, 2018 9:10 pm

sleepingwolf wrote:Did it give you a love for the outdoors, or do you avoid it nowadays?


We were always outside back then, it was our livingroom so to speak, and i still like nature even if i dont visit as much or as long anymore. Sadly, we singletons do miss out on a lot of fun when we loose our ability to play as kids do :(
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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby sleepingwolf » Mon Oct 29, 2018 1:47 pm

I had therapy again last week and wanted a little space to write about it. The session really hit us hard, so we struggled to write about it at the time...

Something I'm getting used to is learning the difference between 'being scared', 'anxiety', 'over-active imagination', and 'triggers' and 're-surfacing memories'.

This difference is becoming more and more clear...and starting to illuminate more about our lives. There is loads of odd stuff we thought we were scared of, and we didn't know why...but now we are seeing they are triggers, from certain memories.

For example, we love ruins and big old buildings. Not scared at all, and love exploring them! But one type of building, a common 20th Century type, we are really 'scared' of. Eventhough on paper, with our love of History, we should love it! It's never made any sense to us...until now! It's not a fear, or an anxiety, its a trigger of certain past memories.

We're starting to work through those memories, which is really tough. But it feels freeing, and makes us feel we understand ourselves much better.

On reflection we aren't really 'scared' of much, or have much of an 'over active imagination' at all. We're glad of that.



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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby sleepingwolf » Wed Nov 07, 2018 2:37 pm

We had therapy again today and I thought I'd vent/share/explore my thoughts again here...

The session was in two parts really, one focussing on me - Melden - the fronting personality of the day, the other on more general System/Self stuff.

For me, Melden, I was exploring 'not fitting in' and how I'm quite different to others in our System. I've found it hard to make friends and be proud of myself as we've grown up, as our general life direction has gone more and more away from me. As a System, from 18 onwards, we were more of a 'Creative Academic' type of person, with those kind of friends, activities and goals in life. This isn't really me. I'm much more a punk (in a good, rebellious way!) and I like things some consider 'lame'. Really, I haven't tested this theory in a long time...I'm pretty sure no one now would think us 'lame'...but from 15-25, my interests (Melden) were certainly discouraged in the wider world. I, Melden, need to find ways of making new friends and connections as myself...and maybe this means being open about my DID...

...Because if someone met me, and then met Alice or Jules, they would be like...what is going on here...?!?!?!



-------Trigger Warning below----mild reference of a type of abuse----




The other topic that came up...and has been growing for a while, is that of processing more of our trauma. We've done well with some of our memories...a lot of our memories actually...but now something more psychological and spiritual is coming. We think we were victims of RA...and we're *&?!ing ourselves over how to process/deal/accept it all....



------Trigger Warning end ----



It was one of those times when we were all remembering things, and things were fitting together...and we were like...but isn't this like a movie we watched or something? But we love movies, and its no movie we can recall...so it's not a movie. But...all of this we have to take super carefully and super slowly...as it's so emotional and scary. We've already had a panic attack on the way home today...and are close to another typing this...


Well, thats it for now....the journey continues I guess...

Self care central for now :)
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Re: Autumn/Winter Therapies posts

Postby Everybodies » Thu Nov 08, 2018 5:12 am

Kuddos..you're doing well at this them. Good for you that you keep trying.
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