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A New Nightmare

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A New Nightmare

Postby Zor » Sun Sep 16, 2018 1:56 pm

So this is one I've had 3 times over the last 6 days...


*** Possible trigger warning (nothing actually happens, but better safe than sorry eh?)***
Basically I'm very very young. IDK how little but I am guessing 4-6 maybe...
I'm in a yard with a tree some tall grass is in the near distance but feels like a "boundary" or something... There's a loud large truck of some kind... I don't think I actually see it, but I hear it and just know it's a "big truck".
Some man that I (currently) don't recognize, but feel comfortable with in this little kid moment, comes over to me, very very close and tells me to be quiet and then grabs my shoulder. That moment he touches my shoulder I feel the fairly firm grip, and a surge of fear or panic... then I wake up... That's it. Nothing more to it than that all three times so far.
*** End trigger warning ***

These random, and so far somewhat recurring, nightmares lately are odd. I have no idea what this is all about or what they mean (or even IF they mean anything at all)... Anyone else gone through this? Is it kind of normal for people in my position- recently (the last several months) realizing they're dissociative and beginning to make contact and awareness of/with the alters?
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Re: A New Nightmare

Postby Ponyta » Sun Sep 16, 2018 2:47 pm

Zor wrote:So this is one I've had 3 times over the last 6 days...


*** Possible trigger warning (nothing actually happens, but better safe than sorry eh?)***
Basically I'm very very young. IDK how little but I am guessing 4-6 maybe...
I'm in a yard with a tree some tall grass is in the near distance but feels like a "boundary" or something... There's a loud large truck of some kind... I don't think I actually see it, but I hear it and just know it's a "big truck".
Some man that I (currently) don't recognize, but feel comfortable with in this little kid moment, comes over to me, very very close and tells me to be quiet and then grabs my shoulder. That moment he touches my shoulder I feel the fairly firm grip, and a surge of fear or panic... then I wake up... That's it. Nothing more to it than that all three times so far.
*** End trigger warning ***

These random, and so far somewhat recurring, nightmares lately are odd. I have no idea what this is all about or what they mean (or even IF they mean anything at all)... Anyone else gone through this? Is it kind of normal for people in my position- recently (the last several months) realizing they're dissociative and beginning to make contact and awareness of/with the alters?


Hey there. Sorry- not sure what the dream means. Just wanted to say our host struggles with scary dreams like that as well. A lot of times they are caused by some of the others messing with her. Like the other day- Punisher and Yondu (The "bully ones"- she mentioned before) humiliated her in her dream. *Shaking my head*
Anyway- Your dream could be a repressed memory of some sort- from when you were younger- or it could be just a dream. Perhaps even something along the lines of what our host is experiencing. It hasn't been long since we first revealed ourselves to her- this year- so it's new to her as well.

-Wolverine
Body:(Female-27)

Protectors:Weirdo (Male-28), Wolverine (Male-30), Blaze (Male-24)
5+:Mary, Blue, Melody, Maggie, Larry
13+:Taz,Romeo, Electro, Nightcrawler, Bruiser, Punisher, Freedom, Isabelle, Andrew
20+:Bowser, TJ, Jessie, James, Jack, Giovanni, Yondu, Scar, Brian, Rose, Angelica, Mystique
Other:David, Freddy, Jason, Danny
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Re: A New Nightmare

Postby NyxX » Sun Sep 16, 2018 2:52 pm

*******definitely trigger warning********

One of the memories I usually have but don't currently sounds similar. I'm in bed with the abuser facing the wall he is behind me and says to stay like that and if anyone comes they will think we are sleeping. And then Z starts pushing the dissociation so we don't know what happens next. I'm probably 6/7 because I know what house it is. And I have other memories like that where they abruptly cut off or parts are missing. I think it's to protect us from the worst of what happened. Also I think you said before about Kitten sharing past memories with you in dreams.
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We might mention Ozalces he is our SO he made an account but doesn't use it much
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Re: A New Nightmare

Postby Bejer » Sun Sep 16, 2018 3:40 pm

How memories are devided over several parts. We have that too. It's scary to know that what happend afterwards, or before the clear memory-fragment, is probably pretty bad.

We never remember our dreams, ever. It was explained to us that we dissociate all of that 'away'/deeper, still. What also might be happening; we don't sleep enough (in a row) to get to that r.e.m. point (two hours, if I remember that correctly). Apart from reliving stuff a lot, we have sleep apnea.

I think it's good to dream a lot; processing. And yes, just like a lot in your system (before becoming aware), this is your unconsciousness speaking, in a symbolic way. More contact with yourself. Just like flashbacks etc; it's not happening now, you're safe.
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: A New Nightmare

Postby puppieskittens » Sun Sep 16, 2018 4:16 pm

My earliest memory is a bit of a mystery to me. I believe it must be a dream but I don't know for sure.

I am digging in the dirt on the side of a hill and a small part of the hill collapses on me. Fortunately my face and upper body are free but I am having trouble extricating myself. In the memory there is a dog running around nearby. I am calling for help. No one is coming.

It is hard to know what significance to give this 'memory'.

Perhaps it indicates how I sometimes felt at that young age - perhaps it is an indication of something wrong in general. Or maybe it is simply just a random bad dream.

Whether of not it is a dream or something that actually happened is less important to me than why I retained the memory all these years. People naturally have occasional nightmares. Why did this one 'stick'? Why didn't I just forget it like all the others? I think this question is what gives it significance.
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Re: A New Nightmare

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:25 pm

Trauma shuts down the normal encoding of narrative memory, so from what I understand, those traumatic events aren't stored in a way that makes them accessible in the same way we usually recall events. They can are fragmented, and only reactivated if the brain is back in the state it was when they were formed. That's why we get emotional and sensory flashbacks--something is similar to when a trauma occurred, and those parts of the memory are being activated, but not the "video" portion, I guess. Maybe there isn't even a coherent visual component.

So, it's not exactly that the other piece of the memory exists in the same form as the first part and is just dissociated and contained in a different part. It was actually taken in and stored differently.

This idea has helped me be less frustrated with myself, or with other parts, for "hiding" memories or for only remembering the beginning or end of an event and not anything in the middle. It's not like there's a part that has the missing piece that would fit with my part to make a complete picture and it's just being hidden from me. I think because I have so little amnesia, it especially bothers me when a memory has pieces missing.

This doesn't have anything to do with dreams, really, although I guess in a dream we can recreate some of the same conditions as the time of the trauma and maybe activate parts of a memory from that time. Dreams can be so symbolic, though, so it's hard to know.
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Re: A New Nightmare

Postby Zor » Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:52 pm

NyxX wrote:*******definitely trigger warning********

One of the memories I usually have but don't currently sounds similar. I'm in bed with the abuser facing the wall he is behind me and says to stay like that and if anyone comes they will think we are sleeping. And then Z starts pushing the dissociation so we don't know what happens next. I'm probably 6/7 because I know what house it is. And I have other memories like that where they abruptly cut off or parts are missing. I think it's to protect us from the worst of what happened. Also I think you said before about Kitten sharing past memories with you in dreams.


Yeah it'd be Kitten and/or Pixie (they're co-conscious with each other, and the latter is my most prominent alter, as well as the one-time "controller" and absolutely (to this day) protector). But she and Kitten share some of that, particularly with what is known. Kitten has been, at least since I've been aware, far more open to telling me more and pushing for Pixie to at least allow her to. Apparently she's capable of doing it alone, but entirely unwilling to do so. :/

-- Sun Sep 16, 2018 11:54 am --

TheGangsAllHere wrote:Trauma shuts down the normal encoding of narrative memory, so from what I understand, those traumatic events aren't stored in a way that makes them accessible in the same way we usually recall events. They can are fragmented, and only reactivated if the brain is back in the state it was when they were formed. That's why we get emotional and sensory flashbacks--something is similar to when a trauma occurred, and those parts of the memory are being activated, but not the "video" portion, I guess. Maybe there isn't even a coherent visual component.

So, it's not exactly that the other piece of the memory exists in the same form as the first part and is just dissociated and contained in a different part. It was actually taken in and stored differently.

This idea has helped me be less frustrated with myself, or with other parts, for "hiding" memories or for only remembering the beginning or end of an event and not anything in the middle. It's not like there's a part that has the missing piece that would fit with my part to make a complete picture and it's just being hidden from me. I think because I have so little amnesia, it especially bothers me when a memory has pieces missing.

This doesn't have anything to do with dreams, really, although I guess in a dream we can recreate some of the same conditions as the time of the trauma and maybe activate parts of a memory from that time. Dreams can be so symbolic, though, so it's hard to know.


That symbolic comment seems to be true of the inner world and the alters lives in my case, too. So much of their lives seems to be either an interpretation or symbolic event somehow rendered in some form into their life stories. It's such a massive and fascinating thing- and kind of intimidating in how complex and difficult to understand (much less come to terms with) it all is, too.
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Re: A New Nightmare

Postby Bejer » Sun Sep 16, 2018 6:00 pm

TheGangsAllHere wrote:So, it's not exactly that the other piece of the memory exists in the same form as the first part and is just dissociated and contained in a different part. It was actually taken in and stored differently.


It's that concept of different parts having different sets of memories of the same life that also applies to trauma's. In many if not all DID systems, trauma's are devided over different parts/groups. That's because different parts fronted during the events. Amnesia is the result of different parts fronting without the awareness of others, causing the memories to be devided.

I have events devided between R, B, D and X. Every time R remembers the mildest stuff, and X the worst. It's how DID works.
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: A New Nightmare

Postby Zor » Sun Sep 16, 2018 7:00 pm

Bejer wrote:
TheGangsAllHere wrote:So, it's not exactly that the other piece of the memory exists in the same form as the first part and is just dissociated and contained in a different part. It was actually taken in and stored differently.


It's that concept of different parts having different sets of memories of the same life that also applies to trauma's. In many if not all DID systems, trauma's are devided over different parts/groups. That's because different parts fronted during the events. Amnesia is the result of different parts fronting without the awareness of others, causing the memories to be devided.

I have events devided between R, B, D and X. Every time R remembers the mildest stuff, and X the worst. It's how DID works.


My protector, Pixie, says that a lot of the "scary stuff" when Mom & Dad were fighting a lot when I was 6-8'ish (1st-3rd grade age) was handled by Angel. He'd "take my place" and she would "hide [me] away". As a result, his childhood (remember I knew him as a friend long before I realized he was an alter) was full of abusive parents, his Dad a drunk and his mom getting hurt- and he and his sisters (I have just one little brother, he was the baby- so not identical by any means) too... but there are parallels...

I suspect that the things he was around for contributed to his "life story" inside... and that's what shaped who he is today, as I know him- and same for the other parts, as odd as all that sounds (it still sounds and feels odd to me, so...)
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