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Can you relate?

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Can you relate?

Postby Mangled » Thu Sep 13, 2018 9:00 pm

My current diagnosis is BPD and i can relate to it a fair bit.
The part that confuses me though is my identity. Which i am aware that is a common occurence for those with BPD.

My nurse is very confused over what i describe to her though and it is that part of me i struggle to understand. It is making me think of DID and in the past someone did suggest this. I could relate a tiny bit, so dismissed it but now i am wondering again.

I have noticed there are personalities of myself that i recognise. As i mentioned my identity confuses me as i am definitely not stable or consistent in who i am. These may just be traits of mine, im not sure. I will explain and hopefully i will either fit in here, or not.

The thing that confuses my nurse is what i call my "phases". I have specific interests during these times. This is where i will mention the personalities that i recognise.

Teenager - i feel i regress to a teenager again. My dress sense goes back to how i was back then. Tracksuit bottoms as opposed to jeans that i wear constantly etc.
I am more alert, fun, talkative and just happier overall.

Older adult - I speak more professionally and there is not one part of me that is professional in reality. I am more confident when speaking, more matter of fact, serious etc. I feel the need to get things done, keeping on top of things. Like a normal functioning adult. During this time i want to dress smartly and have purchased smart clothing but anxiety prevents me from wearing it.

Myself - myself because i feel this is more me. I dont know why but i do. I am very fascinated with the unknown such as the parnormal, aliens anything that gets your brain going with more questions the deeper you look into something. I am quite depressive, i like to isolate myself and hibernate a lot. I just prefer my own company.

The other myself - i like gaming a fair bit, along with photography. I guess i am quite creative during this phase. I am still a loner during this time but am willing to venture out and do things, talk to people etc. I dont isolate and hibernate. I still enjoy my own company though.

Right now i am in the "myself" phase.
So i am focused on the unknown. Researching and questioning things. My mental health included.

If i am in the teenager or other myself phase and then snap out of it - conversations id of been having with friends online will just come to a halt. I am quite rude in that respect, unintentionally. I just switch off from it and have no interest in continuing the conversation and often times dont actually know how to. I wonder why i was even conversing to begin with as i really dont like it. Especially online.

Does this sound relateable?
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Re: Can you relate?

Postby NyxX » Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:04 pm

I relate to this before I learnt about DID I was aware of 2 other parts I referred to them as the inside me and the outside me, because one was young and happy and innocent and needed protection and the other was cold and without emotion and would protect me. I now have names for them but for most of my life they didn't. Also I wanted to say that singletons have different parts and personas but that's all they are they might me more respectful and professional and stuff in a work setting but no matter how differently they behave or act they still feel like they are themselves. For us that isn't the case the other me's are not me and never have been.
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Re: Can you relate?

Postby Mangled » Fri Sep 14, 2018 3:32 pm

Thank you for sharing and replying.
What are singeltons?

I also dont feel that i dissociate much. I know the professional is triggered when i feel threatened or cornered in some way.
I feel that is me dissociating - more so because it feels different and people have commented asking why am i speaking that way etc.
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Re: Can you relate?

Postby NyxX » Sat Sep 15, 2018 12:59 pm

A singleton is someone with only one self and not multiple. Have you tried taking the DES II? Its a good indicator of how much someone dissociates.
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Re: Can you relate?

Postby Mangled » Mon Sep 17, 2018 3:53 pm

Thank you. I have just tried that and scored 18.21.
Looking on the scale it seems an average score for those with BPD. So maybe what i experience is just a part of that?
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