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Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Mar 10, 2019 9:46 pm

Thank you....Iain and Sev....for your reply! I greatly appreciate it! :)

IainEtc wrote:Hi,

Sounds really bad to feel that way. We get super lonely too and it can make us so sad we can't hardly do anything. Maybe you can write some stuff in your com book about what you're feeling and ask whoever feels the same to write back. Maybe they need company.

Just a thought.

Iain


Sorry to hear all of you get those feelings too. :(

Thank you for the suggestion! I will try that tonight. :)


SeveralCrows wrote:Does Shadow have anyone in system that he is "allowed" to talk to, or have protectors totally isolated him in an effort to protect you? Even if it's not safe for you to talk to him, he probably needs to be able to talk to someone. It might be worth asking Wolverine whether, as a result of their long talk, it would be okay for you to talk to Shadow now.

-Sev



Shadow is free to go where ever he wants.....so they didn't isolate him. He actually is one of the protectors his self. I know Shadow is worried about me a lot.....based on what he said before.....so I guess the others... feel no need to isolate him.

Shadow has been hanging around a lot today.....but he's not saying a word. According to Weirdo...Shadow tends to be reclusive.....so not a lot is known about him.

Talking to Wolverine though sounds like a great idea. I'll have to ask him. Thank you for the suggestion! :)
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There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Mar 11, 2019 6:46 pm

Wolverine told me it's alright to talk to Shadow.....as long as I don't ask him anything personal (like about his past).....So I said "Hi" to Shadow last night. Shadow is the one who is so sad and lonely. I found that out. I feel bad for him. :(

He has anger in his voice. So something must really be bothering him.....but I didn't ask. Wolverine said it's best... to just let him say what he wants. He told me not to pry. I told Wolverine I wouldn't.

I found two things out about Shadow. That's cool. His favorite color is black....and he loves dodge-ball.

Something also was revealed to me....but I'm not sure what to think of it yet. It's so confusing. I don't know if he speaks in some kind of "riddle-like" wording......or if I just can't comprehend what he is trying to say to me. He was trying to tell me something about where he lives. He lives in an area....I'm forbidden to go to.....I just have no clue....what he was trying to tell me. I'm so confused. He did say then....that maybe he shouldn't of told me. Now I'm curious....I think that's why he regrets telling me.

Something "clicked" though. I feel as if there is another one who came from the same place.....based on what they said last year. The other guy is one of my friends....but he's also reclusive. Kinda creepy though.....I don't know why. The more things begin to fall into place....the more creepy it seems to become. Maybe because I still struggle with denial.

I'm not sure what to think of that either. Shadow said his job is to keep everything in-there. He said nothing can get out. I'm not sure what he's talking about.

So no wonder why Shadow is feeling so bad...... :(
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There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Tue Mar 12, 2019 6:58 pm

:cry: :(

I'm very sick feeling right now. So very sad....it is making me sick. It's NOT just me either. That's why it's so bad.....Weirdo and bunch of the others feel like I do.

Feel like I'm coming out of my body.....horrible floating feeling. Feel like I can't concentrate. Can't see any of the others now either.....so I believe Weirdo is blocking me again. At least I can still feel them. So he's not blocking me fully. Or maybe he's not blocking at all.....Maybe it's just because of how bad we all feel.

A major worry in the outer world....triggered this. :( Myself....I....Can't talk about it though.....because talking about it will only make me more upset. :(

Got to log off now. I'm way too sad.... and sick feeling. :(
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Wed Mar 13, 2019 5:44 pm

I see Weirdo mentioned I was feeling better yesterday. I was doing a little better......but now....I'm sad again. The worry was brought up yet again (in the outer world).

I have a horrible feeling in my heart. It's not painful. Not sure how to explain it. It feels almost like it's being squeezed or something. A terrible "tight band-like" feeling. I get that a lot....when I get extremely stressed out.

I'm very sad again. Got pain in my knuckles again as well. I know why that is....for some reason....I can feel the pain Weirdo gets....from punching his punching bag too hard (in the inner world). He does that to help calm his self down.

I didn't mean to....but I got him upset again. It seems every time I get upset....I really worry my inner friends. I don't mean to. I think I have a problem of accidentally broadcasting how I feel. Similar to a bunch of the others.

So sad. :(
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Thu Mar 14, 2019 6:38 pm

I don't know what is wrong with me. I keep going from happy to sad. I watched a movie last night (I think Weirdo watched it with me)....which I was putting the movie off. Was worried it might trigger me.....well I seemed to be fine the entire movie....but then afterwards....I had an emotional breakdown. Then again....I get them at times....so not sure if it was due to the movie......or if I was going to have one...no matter what.

I was feeling horrible yesterday morning.....then I was happy in the afternoon.....followed by that emotional breakdown last night.

This morning I'm feeling horribly sad again. :(

I just don't know what's wrong with me. I believe it is me....this time. Normally the feeling is coming from someone else........but this time.....the feeling is mine.

But then.....a major worry is still bothering me. I wish I could talk about it.....but I can't. If I even go into slight detail about my worry....then I'll have an emotional breakdown. :(


I just feel like a mess right now. Got to log off now....need to try to relax. :(
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Fri Mar 15, 2019 6:51 pm

Feeling really sick right now. I just noticed I'm on this forum....not sure when I logged on exactly. I saw "X" wrote on here.....that's interesting....I didn't think he ever comes out. He must though. Also I saw someone else wrote on here......not sure who...since they didn't sign their name.

Must be someone I don't know.....or aren't close to yet.......based on how I feel. Really weird feeling in my brain. Not sure how to describe it. Almost like I'm coming out of my body......dizziness.... with a slight headache. Just feeling very sick right now. :(


Maybe that's why I blank out at times again.....we were getting better communication....so there were less of those blank outs.....but now it's happening again. It's still really weird feeling when....for example....I'll be at the computer one second.....maybe outside the next. Creeping me out.

At least I know Weirdo.... or one of my other protectors.... watch the others. Still blanking out again.... is creeping me out. I wonder why this is happening again. Maybe because I've been really sad/stressed lately? Not 100% sure....
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby VioletFlux » Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:09 pm

Hey Ponyta,

We get something similar - like, go a week or two or whatever, without noticing any little blackouts or whatever, then suddenly Arin's noticing them all the time. Like really brief ones, 30 minutes here, 10 minutes there.

We sorta think it's a sign of getting better, like these little blips probably happen all the time and we're getting better cos they're more noticable?

Or like, chosing to notice them instead of automatically ignoring or dismissing them. Like, acceptance instead of denial, that sort of thing.

Sorry it's upsetting for you. We try to just like, accept it, make note, and carry on.

Viola

Outside Team: Arin (22f); Viola (17f); Violet aka V2 (16f);
Inside Team: Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Janet(4f); L----(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Trina(25f); V1(22f); et al.
Body: 49f • Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.Journey ThreadTeam Flux
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Mar 17, 2019 12:01 am

Thank you... Viola for your reply. I greatly appreciate it! :)
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Mar 17, 2019 12:24 am

We had a pretty good day so far....but Weirdo had a few moments of acting strange about an hour ago. He took control.... and told me to go with Wolverine. So I'm not sure what is going on with that.

It was almost like he was trying to hide me from someone/something. I have no clue.....but that was strange. I feel Weirdo is reading this. He's kinda nodding.

Something is bothering him....but I'm not sure what happened. Whatever it was.....just happened not that long ago....about an hour.

Edit: Forgot to say....he's not telling me what it is. I already asked him. Normally he only "hides" stuff when he feels it will worry me.....so I'm not sure what's wrong.
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Ponyta
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Mar 17, 2019 10:00 pm

Found out why Weirdo was acting so strange last night. He was apparently trying to hide me from someone.....in the inner world. Three of them to be exact. Now I'm being tormented again...by the horrible stuff they are saying. :( I replied with something nice......but they just laughed at me. They then said more horrible stuff.

They are like how Matt used to be. I actually heard Matt get into an argument with them. Apparently he used to be their leader.....based on what was said. So he knows them.

I know how bad these guys are. I saw them in my dreams a few days ago.....and that wasn't cool (what happened). So :(

I hope things get straightened out soon.....but it seems every time any come in a group....like this....it is so much harder to resolve things. Still didn't get the problems resolved with the other recent troublemakers yet. Now this. :(

Still on the bright side....maybe there is a sudden influx of them coming forward....because they know how I helped a lot of the others. Especially Jack. I'm sure that news got spread around....

Kinda overwhelming though.....

How many of us are there? That thought is triggering a wave of denial again. It's hard for me to believe how many of us there are. I do know the main building is HUGE. According to Weirdo....everyone has a room there. He even recently revealed something shocking to me......Weirdo said I have my own room there as well. I never saw it yet.....as far as I know anyway. Maybe I did? Maybe that memory was wiped a long time ago? Interesting......
Body:(Female-28)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
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