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Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Fri Feb 08, 2019 8:50 pm

First off I'm not trying to upset anyone by writing this- Especially not our host {I'm sure it will seem like I am. It's just how I talk & feel. No offense.} I'll just say- I am the protector our host just mentioned & I'm MAD!!!

To our host

Well I feel this entire journal thing has got to go! It's just not working for me! I DO NOT LIKE IT! I especially DO NOT want you writing anything about me. At least you respected my wishes in not saying my name. That was nice. I DO NOT like the protector role but that is my place. You very rarely see me because of that. You're only seeing me today because the others have their hands full. Otherwise I wouldn't be here- trust me! I HATE having to deal with the outer world. Why can't I just stay where I am!? It makes me so mad. I'm the one who disposed of your last journal!!! I will NOT tell you where I put it either. It's just a sign of weakness! What do you think will happen if the mean ones see it? The past ALL OVER AGAIN!!!! I just had to say that.
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There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Sat Feb 09, 2019 2:12 am

Ponyta wrote:First off I'm not trying to upset anyone by writing this- Especially not our host {I'm sure it will seem like I am. It's just how I talk & feel. No offense.} I'll just say- I am the protector our host just mentioned & I'm MAD!!!

To our host

Well I feel this entire journal thing has got to go! It's just not working for me! I DO NOT LIKE IT! I especially DO NOT want you writing anything about me. At least you respected my wishes in not saying my name. That was nice. I DO NOT like the protector role but that is my place. You very rarely see me because of that. You're only seeing me today because the others have their hands full. Otherwise I wouldn't be here- trust me! I HATE having to deal with the outer world. Why can't I just stay where I am!? It makes me so mad. I'm the one who disposed of your last journal!!! I will NOT tell you where I put it either. It's just a sign of weakness! What do you think will happen if the mean ones see it? The past ALL OVER AGAIN!!!! I just had to say that.



I normally don't reply like this to others in our own system (I normally talk to them in our inner world upon seeing what they wrote).......but I'm not sure where the guy who wrote this went. I'm not sure what happened.....he must've taken over completely for awhile and then left. So hopefully it is alright for me to message him on this thread. I see he still doesn't want me to say his name so.......

To the protector who wrote the above message:

Thank you for letting me know that you were the one that got rid of my old journal. I guess you know I've been wondering for a long time now.....what happened to it. I thought someone else put it somewhere or I totally blanked on where I put it......but now I know. Thank you at least for letting me know.

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I wish to talk to you in the inner world when you get this message.....that is....if you are willing. If not...please have Wolverine or one of the others tell me so. It's alright if you don't want to talk.....I understand.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Wolverine and Blaze are close-by right now. Glad to see Blaze is feeling better (I haven't seen him for a long time). According to Wolverine..... Weirdo is somewhere trying to help Brian feel better too. Hopefully he can help him. I'm sure he can.
Body:(Female-27)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Sat Feb 09, 2019 6:45 pm

Another bad day today. :(

I found out the guy's name last night (The one who's been terrorizing me and messing with my inner friends). His name is Logan.

Logan was being really bad. So bad that I hollered for help (in the inner world). Weirdo came over to help me (So did Blaze, Wolverine, and Bandit). Weirdo looked shocked when I called the guy by his name. Weirdo wanted to know who told me his name. He didn't want me to know it. I told him that Logan told me. Weirdo mumbled something.......I'm not sure what....but I know he wasn't happy.

Once Weirdo got me away from Logan....he had a long talk with me about the guy. I told him that Logan was the one who came over to me....I didn't call him. Weirdo told me he knows that....he said he was just telling me why he didn't want me to talk to that guy in the first place.


----------------------------
Plus I'm really bothered about whether or not I should keep writing on here.....Maximus wanted me to stop writing period a while back. Now my one protector told me yesterday to stop (he's the one that wrote the message above)......I feel both of them (in the back of my mind) giving me a hard time about even writing this. :(

Maybe they hold some memory I'm not even aware of at this moment......I'm sure they have a good reason to quit......I was just following our T's instructions to write the details of our days down. That protector is demanding that I stop writing. Maximus is less demanding than him though. I have a really strong feeling like I should stop.
Body:(Female-27)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Sat Feb 09, 2019 7:11 pm

Try to find out why the protectors want you to stop writing, most likely their reasoning is related to old times like in school or similar, where their fears would be appropiate ;)
Helper for a couple of DID-ers. Admin for a traumaforum for scandinavian languages , http://traumeverden.net/
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Sat Feb 09, 2019 9:02 pm

TeddyBear the helper wrote:Try to find out why the protectors want you to stop writing, most likely their reasoning is related to old times like in school or similar, where their fears would be appropiate ;)



Thank you for your response! :)

I believe you are right about that. It probably is related to something from then. I'll have to ask.
Body:(Female-27)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 476
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 2:50 am
Local time: Mon Feb 18, 2019 9:35 pm
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Feb 10, 2019 6:43 pm

I'm so unbelievably sad. :(

Need someone to talk to. Not sure why.....but I feel no one cares......plus I feel like a horrible pest. It's an awful feeling. No wonder several are messing with me right now.

I'm just wondering.....can anyone tell a difference in our writing?

One of the ones that are messing with me keeps telling me to stop faking. She's being incredibly mean. It's ridiculous! She's helping Logan......I have no clue why. I just know both of them hate me. :(


And

If that wasn't bad enough......I'm supposed to stop writing. I couldn't get any reason why. For some reason the protector (wanting me to stop writing) won't tell me his reasoning yet. He just demands I stop.

Not sure why......both Weirdo and Wolverine are okay with me writing. As far as I know....Blaze is too. Not sure about Brian though (I think he's okay too...but he's staying neutral).......As far as I know.....it's just one of them (and he will be mad at me if I post his name.....so I won't).
Body:(Female-27)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Feb 10, 2019 8:36 pm

Ponyta wrote:I'm so unbelievably sad. :(

Need someone to talk to. Not sure why.....but I feel no one cares......plus I feel like a horrible pest. It's an awful feeling. No wonder several are messing with me right now.


I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. We've been having waves of sadness come over us. It's hard to know what triggers them. I've been trying to ground, and trying to keep going with the things I would like to get done today. Sometimes it helps to just remind yourself(ves) that you're safe now and in charge of your life.

I hope you don't feel like a pest for writing here. That's what the forum is for--writing about your experience. And people here care what you're going through. At least I do.

Is your T available by email or text? Or would that not be helpful? I emailed our T on Friday evening, and his response yesterday morning just helped me feel less alone with all this.

I hope your day gets better.
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Feb 11, 2019 2:31 am

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I'm sorry you're feeling so sad. We've been having waves of sadness come over us. It's hard to know what triggers them. I've been trying to ground, and trying to keep going with the things I would like to get done today. Sometimes it helps to just remind yourself(ves) that you're safe now and in charge of your life.

I hope you don't feel like a pest for writing here. That's what the forum is for--writing about your experience. And people here care what you're going through. At least I do.

Is your T available by email or text? Or would that not be helpful? I emailed our T on Friday evening, and his response yesterday morning just helped me feel less alone with all this.

I hope your day gets better.



Thank you so much! I greatly appreciate your kind words! :)

Our T invited us to email her......we thought about it.....but due to our trust issues we are kinda leery. Thank you for mentioning that though!

I'm sorry to hear you've been having waves of sadness too. I hope you feel better and things improve for you soon too!
Body:(Female-27)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby Ponyta » Mon Feb 11, 2019 8:28 pm

I don't know what to think today. I feel "empty" and horrible inside. Like everyone is so upset regarding their own problems that no one even bothered to come out of their room today. The only one I saw today was Weirdo. He only came over for about a minute though.... and then "disappeared". He didn't seem to be doing so good. I think my protectors are getting run down from handling so much at the same time.

Logan is really taking a toll on everyone (I'm not sure what he is doing exactly....but I suspect he is hitting everyone where it hurts them the most). Plus he has several others(ones that never became close to me yet) working with him. It's a mess how they are upsetting my inner friends.

I just don''t know what to do. Honestly....I'm too sad right now to even think about what to do. This is one of the worse messes we've ever had in our system (that I'm aware of anyway). It seems even more hopeless then it was when I was having problems with David and Bandit. At least there is hope though. Things got much better with them....so I'm sure things will eventually get better in this case too.

It's just extremely hard to see right now though. :(
Body:(Female-27)

There are A LOT of us (Over 70.....due to that)......we're updating our signature to reflect those who might post.

Protectors:
Weirdo (Male), Wolverine (Male), Blaze (Male), Brian (Male),Shadow (Male)

Others:
Bandit (M), Matt (M),Mary (F), Blue (F), Gloom (F), Rage (F).....
User avatar
Ponyta
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Posts: 476
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Local time: Mon Feb 18, 2019 9:35 pm
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Re: Journey Thread: Ponyta (Ups & Downs)

Postby TeddyBear the helper » Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:22 pm

All of them are goodhearted in the ground from what i have seen, so it will be good in the end ;)
Helper for a couple of DID-ers. Admin for a traumaforum for scandinavian languages , http://traumeverden.net/
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