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Autism and the ability to dissociate

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Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby KitMcDaydream » Thu Aug 30, 2018 11:31 am

Hi its Thea. This is a long one so bear with me. We hope you will still read it and acknowledge in some way that it has been read by somebody as it's a lot of typing!

After reading much research from Autism charities all over the world we believe that 'our dissociation' is due to the combination of Kit having severe autism (in regards to ability to process all incoming sensory information from a very young age, resulting in her often experiencing the outside world as a 'traumatic experience') but also very high intelligence which fortunately gave her the ability to mimic other children in order to 'fit in' (for the most part) as well as early hyperlexia (ability to read way beyond her chronological age from a young age), which enabled her to stay in the mainstream school system where she had 'non-autistic' children to learn from and copy.

In that sense it was fortunate her family lived in a remote village and her local council couldn't really afford to send her hundreds of miles away to a special school for autistic kids back in the early 70's, otherwise she may well have ended up the stereotypical institutionalised 'autistic savant' and never developed the ability to create persona's in order to 'live a normal life'.

It is our belief now that these 'alters' emerged as Kit struggled to cope with the constant level of sensory overload she was subjected to daily in order to cope with 'going to school' and 'fitting in' and Kit's brain processed this as 'traumatic' (as there was no escape from it) causing her to dissociate and prefer to live in a fantasy world where her ability to create persona's/alters to cope with the daily demands of the outside world developed from a young age.

We now understand where the emergence of 'disabled characters' came about as the ongoing psychological distress manifested itself as physical symptoms easily with an already underactive thyroid. (stress affects thyroid levels) causing the symptoms of actual deafness, which in turn showed Kit this was something useful (to her to cope with her extreme sound sensitivity at the time) and so I was 'born' so to speak!

'Maddie' also evolved as a result of psychological stress (Kit had lost both her parents from cancer by then) causing the thyroid to start shutting down resulting in severe physical symptoms (she was tested for MS at the time as she lost the ability to walk and was experiencing blurred vision). However Maddie existed much longer than intended as social media kept her present with the constant need to 'check in' and present consistently at a certain level of physical disability.

As our dissociation is not exactly the same as DID and is triggered by Kit's inability to process sensory information properly, it seems she is able to control her alters much more tightly, including banishing one's no longer of use to her , recalling old ones or creating new one's as and when needed.

We think, I (Thea) did not re-emerge this time as 'deaf' because Kit no longer has the same pressures. She lives isolated, has no pressure to fit in, have a relationship, go to work and basically just does what she wants everyday on her own as that's what she likes. She just needs 'someone' to front when she has to 'deal with people'.

I do however still have the same difficulty processing sound that Kit does after all we live in the same brain! We have decided to now describe this as an 'Auditory Processing Disorder' rather than 'deafness' as we now understand the difference. As we have found through research that now hearing aids can be prescribed and set up for auditory processing disorders and you no longer have to fail an hearing test to be able to get them, making it more 'acceptable' to wear hearing aids for reasons other than being deaf.

Lastly whilst no longer been so physically restricted to the degree Maddie was (at the moment) the body still does have physical issues now (circulation problems and swelling in leg) and we are showing early signs of Rheumatoid arthritis (which Kit's mother and grandfather also had), like autism it also has its roots as a neurological condition and linked to her thyroid and the way it also affects her immune system and brain function, so it would still be fair to say we have a 'rare neurological disorder' causing this unique combination of symptoms.

Kit wanted to put this out here incase there's anyone else with autism like her who may mistakenly believe they might have DID, as although the autism has given her the ability to dissociate it's not technically the same thing as DID in the traditional sense.

We would like to thank you for allowing us to join your board and helping us to understand that.

Thea (& Kit!)
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby Bejer » Thu Aug 30, 2018 11:46 am

Hi Thea and Kit,

Nice to read you again! We read a blog yesterday from a man with Asperger's, telling in detail about the persona's/masks he created to 'blend in with normals' and for safe company inside. It was moving to read, and I think the brain is capable of so much :shock:

I also think it doesn't háve to be a case of 'it's either this OR that'. Your childhood was very traumatic. But if it gives you peace to be able to figure out if the alters came from autism or DID or both, maybe get yourself diagnosed? In both cases and in case of comorbitity, treatment can really make your life easier, if you want that.


Kind regards
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby KitMcDaydream » Thu Aug 30, 2018 1:22 pm

Hi

Kit already has an autism diagnosis. However she never mentioned the 'alters' as at the time she didn't understand that's what she was doing or why. Her family knew she 'talked to herself or imaginery friends' in her bedroom growing up but never realised they were personas in development and she was discouraged from ever telling anyone about it as she got older because it 'wasn't normal' and kids would bully her more if they ever found out, so these 'alters' were destined to forever be a secret, until someone invented the internet and many years later we came across this board!

Kit's a very logical person who likens herself to Spock or Data off Star Trek, living with a bunch of people she doesn't understand! She says she's just not sure whether she's the alien or everyone else is! :D But consequently has a need to find a logical explanation for why she's the way she is. This makes sense to her now so she says feels happier and more able to move forward now.

What was the blog you found about the guy with Asperger's? Do you have a link please?
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby Muninn » Thu Aug 30, 2018 2:00 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience!

Most of my others so far, including me, show autistic behavior, one of them more severe. And your story helps me to give myself other directions to explore, why I have all this dissociation experiences and Trauma-Backflashes which are less related to so often mentioned abuse, but maybe rather to traumatic sensory overload and social experiences, which other children would experience as something quite normal (Not getting that people are joking for example and being horrified about stuff they were making up for fun, which made us live in constant fear for sometime months. Or being overwhelmed by all the constant noise and new persons appearing and disappearing in the very open "communal" house my parents had)

I am not diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum or having a DID so far, and of course I will not draw any conclusion. But if I ever will find a T, it is something we maybe can use as a starting point.
Until then it helps me, that others seems to have experiences I can somewhat relate to (not as severe, as described by you, tough) and it is kind of a relief that there aren't necessary very dark secrets luring in my past but rather a very overloaded child-self, which cause it to develop different identities to cope with all this. It really makes a lot of sense to me.
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby Bejer » Thu Aug 30, 2018 2:04 pm

Looked for the blog but can't find it, sorry, we often erase our browsing history so it's hard to look (we read a lot on a lot of different places). If we find it again, I'll let you know.
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
Bejer
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby KitMcDaydream » Thu Aug 30, 2018 2:19 pm

Muninn wrote:Thank you for sharing your experience!

Most of my others so far, including me, show autistic behavior, one of them more severe. And your story helps me to give myself other directions to explore, why I have all this dissociation experiences and Trauma-Backflashes which are less related to so often mentioned abuse, but maybe rather to traumatic sensory overload and social experiences, which other children would experience as something quite normal (Not getting that people are joking for example and being horrified about stuff they were making up for fun, which made us live in constant fear for sometime months. Or being overwhelmed by all the constant noise and new persons appearing and disappearing in the very open "communal" house my parents had)

I am not diagnosed with being on the autism spectrum or having a DID so far, and of course I will not draw any conclusion. But if I ever will find a T, it is something we maybe can use as a starting point.
Until then it helps me, that others seems to have experiences I can somewhat relate to (not as severe, as described by you, tough) and it is kind of a relief that there aren't necessary very dark secrets luring in my past but rather a very overloaded child-self, which cause it to develop different identities to cope with all this. It really makes a lot of sense to me.


Kit is glad her story has helped someone. It took alot for her to decide to put it on here.

We saw a program on (UK) TV recently about Multiple personalities but felt unable to relate to the people in it as they had the more typical DID with several personalities that came and went. (several hundred in one case) and were a result of childhood abuse. It's a shame they didn't illustrate a non-typical form too so we had more comparison.

-- Thu Aug 30, 2018 2:21 pm --

Bejer wrote:Looked for the blog but can't find it, sorry, we often erase our browsing history so it's hard to look (we read a lot on a lot of different places). If we find it again, I'll let you know.


ok thanks.
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby Muninn » Thu Aug 30, 2018 2:40 pm

Kit is glad her story has helped someone. It took alot for her to decide to put it on here.

I can imagine that it takes a lot for that and I really appreciate it.

We saw a program on (UK) TV recently about Multiple personalities but felt unable to relate to the people in it as they had the more typical DID with several personalities that came and went. (several hundred in one case) and were a result of childhood abuse. It's a shame they didn't illustrate a non-typical form too so we had more comparison.

I also would wish for more diverse descriptions or tv-programms about this topic instead of only the most typical case. But probably it would just get "too complex" for a general audience. As far as I know it is already difficult to give the disorder (and similar experiences) some credibility at all and erasing the prejudice (which I also believed in until i started to experience it's manifestation) that it is just something peoples made up, because they are attention seeking or whatever.

But at least we have the Internet and I think we could use even more shared experiences of not so typical-forms here.
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby ItsJustUs » Thu Aug 30, 2018 7:54 pm

That was a very interesting look into your system.
Thank you for sharing.

Delilah
Kitten 39F-Core, Delilah (age unknown)F- Protector/System Manager/Care Taker, Britney 17F- Former persecutor turned protector, Lilly 5.5F, Little Wolf (young, but age unknown) "job" unknown, Val- age unknown, Female entity, we think she is a protector
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby Dwelt » Fri Aug 31, 2018 9:50 am

Really thank you for sharing !

I have some systems that are autistic on my french forum for multiple people, and few of them talk about persona/mask too, as something they can creat, merge and banish.

Do you mind if I translate your post on my forum ? I would totally understand if you don't want to :wink:
French system

The ones in charge : Plume (Plume+Alix+Lea) | Daemon
The main group : Claude, protector | Kal, protector | Erdian, social-manager

"Little" group : Nicolas | Eric | Jean | Linda | Emma | Nathan | Ethan

The last two : Cassandra | Varegh, protector
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Re: Autism and the ability to dissociate

Postby KitMcDaydream » Fri Aug 31, 2018 12:05 pm

Dwelt wrote:Really thank you for sharing !

I have some systems that are autistic on my french forum for multiple people, and few of them talk about persona/mask too, as something they can creat, merge and banish.

Do you mind if I translate your post on my forum ? I would totally understand if you don't want to :wink:


Kit says OK ..Do you have link to forum? and a translate to english function on your site we can read?
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