Our partner

Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Violarules

Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby honestlywhatever » Thu Aug 09, 2018 3:19 pm

Here are some things I've been thinking about:

- Feeling like a different person (while still being aware of it) and not being able to feel like that person is "yourself", like they don't even have the same name as you and they don't want to identify as you either. But at the same time also thinking that this is really weird and you're probably deluding yourself or doing it on purpose.

- Being able to disconnect from certain parts/sides of yourself to a point where they feel like other people.

- Not feeling like yourself when making any type of expression (for example, talking and gesturing). Like the person you feel like on the inside feels completely different from the person you feel like on the outside. And having this feel so uncomfortable that you refrain from making any expression so that you can feel like yourself and not this other person/thing. And no matter how hard you try, you can't get your inner self to align with what your outer self feels like.

- Age regression that regularly happens. There have been times when this has happened and I've "unlocked" difficult emotions within me while still feeling like a little child. But then seconds later, like with the snap of a finger, it's all disappeared and I couldn't go back to that same state and didn't even remember what it felt like.

- Feeling the presence of what feels like another person right next to you, but not being able to identify anything else about the experience.

- Similar to the one above: feeling the presence of other "personalities" (may not be fully formed, may be ego states?) inside of you.

- There's a pattern of this/things like this happening for me when I'm under deep stress. But if I'm not, it probably won't occur at all. I suspect that these things happen as a way for me to try to escape from myself because being myself is too much to handle.

- Also having C-PTSD and a lot of derealization/depersonalization along with all of this.


I'm not expecting a clear-cut answer to this; I'd just like to know if it's "normal" (especially within the context of C-PTSD) or something I should "worry" about and look deeper into.

Thanks.
honestlywhatever
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 53
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2015 3:55 am
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 8:33 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby NyxX » Thu Aug 09, 2018 4:44 pm

It seems fairly normal to me and it seems similar to a lot of the things people on this forum have previously posted. I think it's not anymore worrying then your C-PTSD and depersonalisation and derealisation.

If you don't already have a T look for one experienced or trained to deal with DID. The other personalities are all part of you so try to be compassionate and accepting of whatever they are thinking or feeling. You could also try taking or writing to them if you feel able.
nyx-usual poster
Nixie, The Pixie, Big ZuZu, Z, backup-known active alters
We might mention Ozalces he is our SO he made an account but doesn't use it much
User avatar
NyxX
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1054
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 12:18 am
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 7:33 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby honestlywhatever » Thu Aug 09, 2018 5:23 pm

NyxX wrote:It seems fairly normal to me and it seems similar to a lot of the things people on this forum have previously posted. I think it's not anymore worrying then your C-PTSD and depersonalisation and derealisation.

If you don't already have a T look for one experienced or trained to deal with DID. The other personalities are all part of you so try to be compassionate and accepting of whatever they are thinking or feeling. You could also try taking or writing to them if you feel able.


By "normal", do you mean that it seems like it could be DID, or something like it, or something that could easily be solely derived from CPTSD and dr/dp?
honestlywhatever
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 53
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2015 3:55 am
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 8:33 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby NyxX » Thu Aug 09, 2018 5:50 pm

I meant it sounds DID like. There are the other not quite DID things that I can't remember the acronyms for but for practical purposes they are the same as DID so it doesn't really matter.

The bit that really separates C-PTSD from DID from everything I've read is the presence of separate personality states or identity alteration. It gets called different things in different places. I'm quoting one of the definitions for you.

Identity alteration includes not having a consistent sense of self; experiencing yourself as different ‘people’ or identities at different times; shifts or switches in the ‘you’ you believe yourself to be; there may be significant changes in your behaviour which could be observable by others e.g. speaking in different voice; using different vocabulary or even a different language; suddenly having a very different posture, sudden change in mood, using a different name; behaving in a child-like or adolescent way different from your actual age. Dissociative identity alteration is experienced as loss of control of yourself to someone else, which distinguishes it from the changing roles in life we all play at times e.g. being different at work than when at home; behaving differently in the parent role than you do as a wife or husband.


You describe feeling like a different person and feeling like there are versions of you, so I from what you have said it seems to apply.
nyx-usual poster
Nixie, The Pixie, Big ZuZu, Z, backup-known active alters
We might mention Ozalces he is our SO he made an account but doesn't use it much
User avatar
NyxX
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1054
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 12:18 am
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 7:33 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby ItsJustUs » Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:30 pm

When I first became aware of my others, it realized my lost time was then fronting and blocking me out completely. Now, with the exception of one, we have a good working relationship and inner communication. The things you are describing are things I experience when one of the others is in control and I'm just watching. Or, if I'm in control and they are very close to front and telling me what they think and feel.

K
Kitten 39F-Core, Delilah (age unknown)F- Protector/System Manager/Care Taker, Britney 17F- Former persecutor turned protector, Lilly 5.5F, Little Wolf (young, but age unknown) "job" unknown, Val- age unknown, Female entity, we think she is a protector
ItsJustUs
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 423
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:03 pm
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 1:33 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby honestlywhatever » Thu Aug 09, 2018 7:44 pm

Thank you guys.

I know I have this one side of me who doesn't want to identify as me -- nor does she genuinely. At the same time, this side doesn't think I could have DID (I agree) but still refuses to see herself as a part of me because she hates me. But I suspect that this isn't actual DID, or another dissociative disorder, but just my issues with self-hatred that can take form in this way. It could basically be me, but in denial and averse to facing myself fully. So yeah, just me being in denial and not an actual alter.

Is it just me who thinks this sounds likely, and again, not like DID?

I have also noticed that identity altercation (not necessarily the DID kind) in the form of feeling a change in my identity, is a pretty common way for me to cope with difficulties.
honestlywhatever
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 53
Joined: Wed Jan 28, 2015 3:55 am
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 8:33 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Aug 10, 2018 2:42 am

NyxX wrote:
Dissociative identity alteration is experienced as loss of control of yourself to someone else, which distinguishes it from the changing roles in life we all play at times e.g. being different at work than when at home; behaving differently in the parent role than you do as a wife or husband.


I've never read it expressed quite like this, NyxX. This is a very simple explanation that many of us in here can relate to, and I like that it makes it clear that dramatic, visible changing isn't "required" to have DID. Thanks for posting this. Where did you find it?

honestlywhatever wrote:Here are some things I've been thinking about:

- Feeling like a different person (while still being aware of it) and not being able to feel like that person is "yourself", like they don't even have the same name as you and they don't want to identify as you either. But at the same time also thinking that this is really weird and you're probably deluding yourself or doing it on purpose.

- Being able to disconnect from certain parts/sides of yourself to a point where they feel like other people.

- Not feeling like yourself when making any type of expression (for example, talking and gesturing). Like the person you feel like on the inside feels completely different from the person you feel like on the outside. And having this feel so uncomfortable that you refrain from making any expression so that you can feel like yourself and not this other person/thing. And no matter how hard you try, you can't get your inner self to align with what your outer self feels like.

- Age regression that regularly happens. There have been times when this has happened and I've "unlocked" difficult emotions within me while still feeling like a little child. But then seconds later, like with the snap of a finger, it's all disappeared and I couldn't go back to that same state and didn't even remember what it felt like.

I'm not expecting a clear-cut answer to this; I'd just like to know if it's "normal" (especially within the context of C-PTSD) or something I should "worry" about and look deeper into.

Thanks.


I don't think it's something you should "worry" about. All of those are typical of DID, but it's less important what the label is than getting treatment for it. I hope you have a T that can help you with internal communication and cooperation as a first step.

honestlywhatever wrote:I know I have this one side of me who doesn't want to identify as me -- nor does she genuinely. At the same time, this side doesn't think I could have DID (I agree) but still refuses to see herself as a part of me because she hates me.


Having a discussion with an alter about whether or not you have alters is actually a very common occurrence because denial is a dissociative coping mechanism. If you have a part that is so separate that she refuses to see herself as part of you, but is reassuring you that you don't have parts that don't see themselves as part of you, that is very suggestive of DID.
TheGangsAllHere
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1880
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:15 am
Local time: Fri Dec 14, 2018 11:33 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby NyxX » Fri Aug 10, 2018 9:26 am

First person plural they list it as one of dissociative experiences and then as one of the symptoms of DID and then say its one on the symptoms of DID when talking about complex dissociative disorders.

And I liked there site it's not the easiest to navigate on my phone but they put effort into making things simple and clear to understand and its reading there site that helped me first understand what is happening with us.

http://www.firstpersonplural.org.uk/dis ... periences/
nyx-usual poster
Nixie, The Pixie, Big ZuZu, Z, backup-known active alters
We might mention Ozalces he is our SO he made an account but doesn't use it much
User avatar
NyxX
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1054
Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2018 12:18 am
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 7:33 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby KawaiiKitty » Fri Aug 10, 2018 11:34 am

It seems pretty regular - for us anyway.
If you have a T we think you should talk to them about it
Currently knowns: J(host/original)
Infants: Moirai
Littles: May, Joy, Sammy, Hope, Alliyah, Morgana, Callia, Adelise, Alice
Teens:Kay, Emma, Hans, Zed, Noelette
Adults:Jarette, Jessica, Elizabeth, Pudding, Aphrodite, Musica, Nadia, Cam, Summer, Jo, Adele, Ellie, Hattie
User avatar
KawaiiKitty
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 238
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2018 5:38 am
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 5:33 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Is this "normal" or indicative of DID?

Postby ItsJustUs » Fri Aug 10, 2018 1:02 pm

honestlywhatever wrote:Thank you guys.

I know I have this one side of me who doesn't want to identify as me -- nor does she genuinely. At the same time, this side doesn't think I could have DID (I agree) but still refuses to see herself as a part of me because she hates me. But I suspect that this isn't actual DID, or another dissociative disorder, but just my issues with self-hatred that can take form in this way. It could basically be me, but in denial and averse to facing myself fully. So yeah, just me being in denial and not an actual alter.

Is it just me who thinks this sounds likely, and again, not like DID?

I have also noticed that identity altercation (not necessarily the DID kind) in the form of feeling a change in my identity, is a pretty common way for me to cope with difficulties.


So, what you just described, a separate part that doesnt identify as you, and hates you. That's exactly how my Britney was in the beginning.

From everything you've posted, your showing symptoms of that are very common and usual in dissociative disorders. But you are in denial about it and trying to dissociate from it. You need to talk to a therapist about this. Because your other part that hates you, is probavly hurting and this is how she/he is dealing with it. And I'm speaking from expience here. Both of "you" need to learn how to go from this animosity to a working, cooperative relationship, and hopefully friends later. But it's hard work.

Please see a T!

K
Kitten 39F-Core, Delilah (age unknown)F- Protector/System Manager/Care Taker, Britney 17F- Former persecutor turned protector, Lilly 5.5F, Little Wolf (young, but age unknown) "job" unknown, Val- age unknown, Female entity, we think she is a protector
ItsJustUs
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 423
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:03 pm
Local time: Sat Dec 15, 2018 1:33 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: KawaiiKitty, littleDaria and 81 guests