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Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat Aug 11, 2018 3:26 pm

IainEtc wrote:Sounds like everybody's saying it's wrong to be DID and do an important job. Lots of people on the forum have important jobs. We're really good at our job. Sometimes we switch (inside where nobody sees) to handle different things. But that makes us BETTER at our job and doesn't hurt anybody....

...Sounds like the T just shouldn't have told anyone.

Iain


Hi Iain,

I wasn't saying that it's wrong to be DID and do an important job. I have a very important job and people could get hurt if I make a mistake. Kids could get hurt. I'm very good at my job.

A T with DID could be a good T or a bad T, just like one without. But this one isn't capable of being a good T right now--at least not for someone else with DID. And she was asked straight out if she had DID. Lying about it would have been worse.

Bejer wrote:she's unstable and I really really need a stable, clear, transparant and strong T. She's not.


Exactly. How awful that she is now trying to put her issues on you. Yes, you shouldn't have to worry about what her triggers are, because it is her business, but if she is visibly being triggered and switching in front of you, then unfortunately that makes it your business (which shouldn't happen in the first place anyway). The only good thing out of all of this is that you found this out right away instead of later on.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Sat Aug 11, 2018 4:27 pm

To not give the wrong impression; she says she was treated for severe cptsd and it could very well be thát what we saw (befóre she even told us). And yes, it ofcourse would be totally her business if it wasn't 'present' during treatment. Not in any way do I blame or judge her for having it, but I'm the client here and we couldn't fix being triggered because she wasn't responding as a therapist but with defensive stuff which got worse when I tried to explain that I wás minding mý business. She dismissed our attempts to communicate about this and kept on pointing out how we were projecting and paranoid (true) which was very confusing because it was nót a coincidence that B saw the mechanisms (also true). What this does is me now feeling selfish because she tries and isn't a bad person and I can't handle that in this fase. I'm petrified, I think my T trauma's are almost as bad as the abuse, and I need clarity and reassurance like all the time.

It's good we found out so soon, yes and this doesn't mean that she's a bad T, this just is a very bad match (in this fase).
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Sat Aug 11, 2018 4:41 pm

And thank you very much for being supportive and compassionate, everybody.
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:52 pm

I so understand systems who can't do therapy because it messes things up (too much). What I've learned is that I have to take the tiniest babysteps in building trust (just like you said, Gang) before even adressing the system etc. With this T and the previous one (the others didn't diagnose me with did) things got so bad because I couldn't 'close it up' in time when realizing it was no good. Even after just one session (and a lot of emails) with this one. That's because I opened up about a lot already because of the obligation I feel to explain everything and because I felt misunderstood so damn often. I also finally found/háve the words to explain this thing, so the urge to do so and fix it is big. Conflicts all over. And thát's what I'm going to tell the next T during intake if I find one (and confince the others to don't give up).

As far as 'how to prepare' goes:)

Good heavens.
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Sun Aug 12, 2018 11:34 am

fireheart wrote:Aw, I am so sorry to hear that things fell through with this T.

Sometimes you have to go with your gut-feeling. I stayed with a T for a year, even though I was uncomfortable since day one. I just kept telling myself to give it a shot, but when is it enough? Sometimes going with your gut is being respectful to yourself.

That being said, I hope she has some referrals for you. It's too bad you can't work with her, even though she is nice and sensitive and believes in DID. Perhaps you could ask if she still has supervision?

Take care <3


Sorry, I missed this. Exactly, when is it enough. I have a really hard time finding a balance there; not chickening out too soon versus leaving when it's no good for me. She has supervision, she takes it seriously and last night we closed this thing in a positive way and she even referred me to a T who has mega huge high positive 'rates' (and he's male, I think that works way better for me somehow) and who I'm calling monday.

Taking care here, thank you:) And you too <3

** bit of an off topic proces/progress thing **

Today she wrote a report about this for in my file and it triggered the %^#$^@# out of me again because she twisted a lot but that was to be expected. We triggered each other.

While closing in such a positive way last night, it baffled me how the part who fronted mostly when we were at the session and left when the sh%t storm took place, came again to thank her for great moments during that session, not even realizing what happened next. It was intense to 'see that happen', how we, indeed, have our own identities, views, think and act very 'seperate', etc. It was right in front of me and ofcourse I know that's DID (duh:)), but this was só clear. Ánd, what I've been thinking/saying all a long; young parts front when dealing with 'medics' and yes, that part is eleven years old and fronting mostly, outside, since the beginning of the crisis, I now know. No wonder it's all so overwhelming for us :? We really need to 'take our own positions' again. With this I'm now repeating what my mother did with me from early on; have me deal with her grown up stuff. How to break thát pattern..
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:43 pm

(R (previous most present host) fronted for the first time in forever to email her why this was very wrong and unsafe for us (from R's own experience in mental health care on 'the other side') and she just admitted that she was in fact triggered and apologized for being unprofessional!! Hallelujah)
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
Bejer
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby fireheart » Mon Aug 13, 2018 8:12 am

Bejer wrote:Sorry, I missed this. Exactly, when is it enough. I have a really hard time finding a balance there; not chickening out too soon versus leaving when it's no good for me. She has supervision, she takes it seriously and last night we closed this thing in a positive way and she even referred me to a T who has mega huge high positive 'rates' (and he's male, I think that works way better for me somehow) and who I'm calling monday.

Taking care here, thank you:) And you too <3

** bit of an off topic proces/progress thing **

Today she wrote a report about this for in my file and it triggered the %^#$^@# out of me again because she twisted a lot but that was to be expected. We triggered each other.

While closing in such a positive way last night, it baffled me how the part who fronted mostly when we were at the session and left when the sh%t storm took place, came again to thank her for great moments during that session, not even realizing what happened next. It was intense to 'see that happen', how we, indeed, have our own identities, views, think and act very 'seperate', etc. It was right in front of me and ofcourse I know that's DID (duh:)), but this was só clear. Ánd, what I've been thinking/saying all a long; young parts front when dealing with 'medics' and yes, that part is eleven years old and fronting mostly, outside, since the beginning of the crisis, I now know. No wonder it's all so overwhelming for us :? We really need to 'take our own positions' again. With this I'm now repeating what my mother did with me from early on; have me deal with her grown up stuff. How to break thát pattern..


I think it's impressive that you were able to close it in a positive way! And that she ended up apologizing. Let us know how it goes with the male T!

What do you mean with 'take our own positions' again? It must be tough for an eleven year old part to deal with these difficult things.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Mon Aug 13, 2018 8:51 am

Unofrtunately this is worse than I already felt. The reason R fronted, was because the T said that she was going to close the file in the secured program of the company she works at (and in this program we also had the triggerstorm emails with her) and invited us to email her to her own adress if we still needed to vent something. After she said that, she made the triggering report which made R tell her this was truly wrong and unsafe.

After she apologized (we decided to leave it there and not contact her anymore so we didn't respond to that), with her own email, she changed the two last reports she wrote in the file she said she closed (so she shouldn't even have access). I got notifications from those changes late at night.

Just called the company to ask who has access to those reports in my files; no other employers. The person I spoke was kind of baffled (and I didn't even tell the whole story, just that she said she closed the file, invited me to her own email, wrote the closing report, apologized with her own mail and áfterwards changed her reports).

They are going to investigate and call me back.

What I meant by 'back to our positions' is adults fixing adult stuff, which I have to do now real bad; going to the doctor with my daughter today, her boyfriend just broke up with her and she's coming to me so I'm going to close this for today, focus on being strong for her and deal with this crazy T thing in my own time.

We can do this. Won't be here as often anymore for now.

Good luck with the tests fireheart, you'll be ok, it will be over in 2,5 hours. You're strong, you've survived the worst part already, you can do this.
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
Bejer
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby fireheart » Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:00 am

:o :( :? That is seriously not good. I'm sorry you're going through all this, especially because therapy can be so vulnerable. And now you have to deal with this... Seems like B's intuition warned you.

I hope you can manage to have adults fixing adult stuff. Will be thinking of you & your daughter.

And, thank you. It's going to be difficult, but I scheduled a call with T afterwards so I have some sort of safety net in place.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Una+ » Mon Aug 13, 2018 2:36 pm

A therapist inviting a terminating client to use a back channel means of communication is absolutely not okay. That is grooming behavior.

By the way, "complex PTSD" is little more than a new label for major dissociative disorder plus PTSD. Supposedly this label avoids the "controversy" of DID while tapping into new resources (funding!) for treatment of PTSD in veterans.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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