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Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:33 pm

I saw her switch four times and she even talked to herself. This is horrible.

And I already knew it! From just a few emails.

B
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:10 pm

We wrote her an email with our concerns and she just responded. Very defensive. That she wasn't even obligated to tell in the first place etc. We told her we quit.

For now; done with T's. And that sucks bigtime.
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Aug 10, 2018 7:22 pm

Wow. Kudos to B for looking out for all of you.

Someone with unstable DID offering to treat others with it?? Does van der Hart know about this and still refers people to her??

If she had responded back calmly and with self-awareness, then I could see giving her a little more time before deciding, but defensive already? Not obligated to tell you? Does she not realize how obvious it is??

I’m so sorry you had to go through that!!!

Don’t give up on all Ts—there ARE good ones out there! But she isn’t one of them. :(
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby IainEtc » Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:37 am

Hi,

Wait minute! Sounds like everybody's saying it's wrong to be DID and do an important job. Lots of people on the forum have important jobs. We're really good at our job. Sometimes we switch (inside where nobody sees) to handle different things. But that makes us BETTER at our job and doesn't hurt anybody.

A therapist could be DID and that would actually be a good thing. At least they wouldn't say the stupid stuff some Ts do. And they're not going to think you're crazy for switching.

I think you guys are being really hard on the T. You wouldn't like somebody saying you can't do your job just because you're DID.

Iain
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When they say 'be yourself',
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby NyxX » Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:48 am

I think it's more the fear that you would trigger them by talking about your history and they wouldn't be able to help. People with DID can do important jobs and I imagine even be good T's. But if my T showed signs of DID I would need to know she has reached a stage in her recovery where my issues wouldn't trigger hers. Being defensive and only having cut off connection to family a year ago doesn't sound to me like she is at that stage.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby fireheart » Sat Aug 11, 2018 12:29 pm

Aw, I am so sorry to hear that things fell through with this T.

Sometimes you have to go with your gut-feeling. I stayed with a T for a year, even though I was uncomfortable since day one. I just kept telling myself to give it a shot, but when is it enough? Sometimes going with your gut is being respectful to yourself.

That being said, I hope she has some referrals for you. It's too bad you can't work with her, even though she is nice and sensitive and believes in DID. Perhaps you could ask if she still has supervision?

Take care <3
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Una+ » Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:12 pm

IainEtc wrote:A therapist could be DID and that would actually be a good thing. At least they wouldn't say the stupid stuff some Ts do. And they're not going to think you're crazy for switching.

Stop and think about that. Would a T who has DID necessarily be good for a client with DID? What if the T doesn't know they have DID? Or is in such deep denial, they think DID does not exist? Or a T who thinks they have it under control but only because they have amnesia and don't remember the out-of-control bits? Or a T who has been treated with suppression and does the same to their clients? Or a T who is arrogant and thinks because they have DID they know it all and can "wing it"? Or a T who thinks becoming a T is a substitute for going through their own personal therapy?

Any psychotherapy client needs a T who is stable. This one clearly is not.

I was briefly the client of a T with florid DID (florid with me, at least). It was not a good thing for either of us. There was too much "revolving door" rapid switching. I terminated work with that T. That T was far better than the worst T I interviewed, perhaps even a good T for most clients, but still not suitable for me while I was in my own DID crisis.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby IainEtc » Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:46 pm

Hi,

I didn't say a T with DID had to be a good thing. It just doesn't have to be a bad thing. There are plenty of T's who are arrogant or suppress parts or work their own stuff or deny DID - and they aren't DID - so you could get one like that either way.

What if you have a T that's stable but DID? Switching doesn't mean they aren't stable. We switch to drive because that's BETTER. It could be like that. If she doesn't want to go to that T it's fine. I just don't want people judged because they have DID or switch.

Sounds like the T just shouldn't have told anyone.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby Bejer » Sat Aug 11, 2018 3:08 pm

By switching we meant being triggered.

We've been emailing all day with her and it was a nightmare. I hear you, Iain, and exactly the same sentiment made me feel guilty as you can see on the second page.

But yes, she's unstable and I really really need a stable, clear, transparant and strong T. She's not. She's been contradicting herself all day, blaming my confusion because of that on me, refusing to adress the trigger itself (isn't that what you do in therapy?) because that's her business, not putting a stop on it, áll day, etc.

I'm exhausted now, I should've stopped responding, couldn't, panicked more and more. So monday I'll make it official that we stop with her. She's not a bad person, very nice and open (when not triggered) and this just feels horrible.

Thanks y'all.
F 37 Dx; DID & PTSD
Previous Dx; ADHD, BDP, Bipolar, PTSD, DPD, IQ >130 (all by different T's. Don't know yet which of them were false)

Five hosts; B, Ex, J, Er, R, who all have several 'younger versions', and subsystems D & X.
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Re: Intake new T is next week, how to prepare

Postby IainEtc » Sat Aug 11, 2018 3:24 pm

Hi Bejar,

Sorry this is happening. She shouldn't make this hard on you. That's wrong. I hope you find a better T really soon.

Sounds like a good idea to just stop messing with her and see if this straightens out.

Iain
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When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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