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Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

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Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby Ponyta » Sat Jul 14, 2018 3:22 am

Hello, I was wondering how can you get rid of the terrible feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "me"?

I can't seem to shake that terrible feeling. I don't know which alter is feeling that way, but it is driving me "mad"- It's making me feel that way too. I believe that alter is also extremely depressed- Not 100% sure though if it is the same one or not- it's hard for me to tell. It breaks my heart to feel their pain every day. Please help....

It's as if their heart is broken beyond repair and they explode in tears internally every day, multiple times a day. ALL of us can feel their pain, but don't know what to do- as they won't talk. I know they're able to talk (just have a really strong feeling that they can- but they choose not to because of the heartbreak) Please help. Any ideas?

I'm not 100% sure since I know nothing about them- other than how they feel- but I believe they might be young. Maybe 7-8.


Trigger warning
Death in family, Bullying mention


Why I'm guessing that age is because my grandma passed away from cancer when I was 7. It was the worse time of my life as I was extremely close to her. Then the bullying began right after that. I felt like everyone hated me. I felt all alone, worthless garbage, rejected by everyone my age, even the staff hated me- being that they did NOTHING about the bullies. One even told me to stop being a tattletale.

End trigger
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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby DozensOfDenizens » Sat Jul 14, 2018 4:39 am

We've had several of us stuck in that kind of state you seem to describe. We've let them out in therapy (or any safe space like that) and, in the case of Erin, we let them write when they wouldn't talk. Just make sure that there's no pressure, and let them out to feel the feelings they're stuck in is my best advice. It gives them a chance to process their trauma, in a way.

-Mike


Whatever y'all decide to do, we hope things get easier ^w^

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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby KawaiiKitty » Sat Jul 14, 2018 10:03 am

Have you tried talking to them? We sometimes have that problem, I can sort things out within the group, but if someone holds animosity towards J it an just be a "general feeling" she has that makes it hard to pinpoint
If you have an inner world where you are welcome you could try holding a system meeting!
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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby Ponyta » Sat Jul 14, 2018 9:31 pm

KawaiiKitty wrote:Have you tried talking to them? We sometimes have that problem, I can sort things out within the group, but if someone holds animosity towards J it an just be a "general feeling" she has that makes it hard to pinpoint
If you have an inner world where you are welcome you could try holding a system meeting!
DozensOfDenizens wrote:We've had several of us stuck in that kind of state you seem to describe. We've let them out in therapy (or any safe space like that) and, in the case of Erin, we let them write when they wouldn't talk. Just make sure that there's no pressure, and let them out to feel the feelings they're stuck in is my best advice. It gives them a chance to process their trauma, in a way.

-Mike


Whatever y'all decide to do, we hope things get easier ^w^

-Elder



Thank you all for your response! However, I/we don't know how to let them come out. They always seem too upset and scared to.

Also since this is new to me (Only became aware of having multiple personalities this year)- despite having "symptoms" for many years, I'm scared myself. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I have one personality that is in denial keeps telling me that I'm going insane because I'm faking it - But yet I'm NOT. It is tearing me apart.

I really want to help the one that's depressed and has the feelings of everyone being mad/upset at them, but just don't know how.

I'm able to talk to the youngest one (I just found out her name on the 12th: Mary). She is 5 yrs old. She seems to be the one who never experienced the agony of losing our grandma (Grandma passed away when I was 7) or being bullied (Happened right after she passed away).

I believe the one that's so sad is probably (although this is just a guess) 7-8 years old. More like 7? I've tried to help cheer them up by going to the carnival, but the music just made them even more depressed. (Not sure why when I always loved going to the carnival when I was younger- unless there is a deeper problem I'm unaware of). Even Mary can't seem to reach them.

It's like they want to keep everyone away. But yet I can't blame them if they are 7-8. Actually, I think they might have came out after I typed this sentence for a few seconds because I felt like I "blanked out". The sentence below was typed at that time apparently. Not sure if the trigger warning was necessary, but I added it in case.

Trigger warning
Abandoned, bully mention

That's also the time "My BFF" since kindergarten broke my heart. She abandoned me (Told me out of the blue that she doesn't ever want to be my friend anymore) and I saw her hanging out with the bullies. That hurt me so bad.


End trigger
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Protectors: Weirdo (Male-28), Wolverine (Male-30), Blaze(Male-24), Brian (Male-28)
Mary, Blue, Melody, Maggie, Larry, Taz,Romeo, Electro, Nightcrawler, Bruiser, Punisher, Freedom, Isabelle, Andrew, David, Bowser, TJ, Jessie, James, Jack, Giovanni, Yondu, Scar, Rose, Angelica, Bandit, Mystique, Tom, Marco, Iggy, Rhino, Steve, Matt
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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby raptureblues » Sun Jul 15, 2018 2:29 pm

I can relate a lot to the denial, it's very difficult when your brain's actively trying to keep you from accepting what's going on. I have a theory that there's an alter who's role is specifically to keep me in heavy amounts of denial, as it would've been unsafe before now to become aware of what was going on, but I haven't met such an alter yet so it's just a theory.

I have constant feelings of fear that people are angry at me, that I've done something wrong. I usually try and cope with it by asking for reassurance from the people my brain is saying are mad at me, if it's safe to do so. Hearing someone say "I'm not mad at you, it's okay" can help, even if I usually feel doubtful and worry that they're lying. I also try and distract myself from those thoughts, usually by playing video games or listening to loud music.

Maybe you could ask inside if those feelings are directed at anyone in particular, like a family member or a friend, and you could ask on the behalf of that alter if this person really is angry? You could also reassure them by saying "it's okay, no-one is mad at us, we're safe".

I hope all of you can feel more at peace soon.
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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby Ponyta » Tue Jul 17, 2018 6:58 pm

raptureblues wrote:I can relate a lot to the denial, it's very difficult when your brain's actively trying to keep you from accepting what's going on. I have a theory that there's an alter who's role is specifically to keep me in heavy amounts of denial, as it would've been unsafe before now to become aware of what was going on, but I haven't met such an alter yet so it's just a theory.

I have constant feelings of fear that people are angry at me, that I've done something wrong. I usually try and cope with it by asking for reassurance from the people my brain is saying are mad at me, if it's safe to do so. Hearing someone say "I'm not mad at you, it's okay" can help, even if I usually feel doubtful and worry that they're lying. I also try and distract myself from those thoughts, usually by playing video games or listening to loud music.

Maybe you could ask inside if those feelings are directed at anyone in particular, like a family member or a friend, and you could ask on the behalf of that alter if this person really is angry? You could also reassure them by saying "it's okay, no-one is mad at us, we're safe".

I hope all of you can feel more at peace soon.



Thank you for the advice! I'm sorry to hear that you have those feelings too. I hope those feelings get better for you soon too. Thanks again for the advice!
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Protectors: Weirdo (Male-28), Wolverine (Male-30), Blaze(Male-24), Brian (Male-28)
Mary, Blue, Melody, Maggie, Larry, Taz,Romeo, Electro, Nightcrawler, Bruiser, Punisher, Freedom, Isabelle, Andrew, David, Bowser, TJ, Jessie, James, Jack, Giovanni, Yondu, Scar, Rose, Angelica, Bandit, Mystique, Tom, Marco, Iggy, Rhino, Steve, Matt
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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby KawaiiKitty » Wed Jul 18, 2018 1:06 am

Ponyta wrote:

Thank you all for your response! However, I/we don't know how to let them come out. They always seem too upset and scared to.

Also since this is new to me (Only became aware of having multiple personalities this year)- despite having "symptoms" for many years, I'm scared myself. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I have one personality that is in denial keeps telling me that I'm going insane because I'm faking it - But yet I'm NOT. It is tearing me apart.

I really want to help the one that's depressed and has the feelings of everyone being mad/upset at them, but just don't know how.

I'm able to talk to the youngest one (I just found out her name on the 12th: Mary). She is 5 yrs old. She seems to be the one who never experienced the agony of losing our grandma (Grandma passed away when I was 7) or being bullied (Happened right after she passed away).

I believe the one that's so sad is probably (although this is just a guess) 7-8 years old. More like 7? I've tried to help cheer them up by going to the carnival, but the music just made them even more depressed. (Not sure why when I always loved going to the carnival when I was younger- unless there is a deeper problem I'm unaware of). Even Mary can't seem to reach them.

It's like they want to keep everyone away. But yet I can't blame them if they are 7-8. Actually, I think they might have came out after I typed this sentence for a few seconds because I felt like I "blanked out". The sentence below was typed at that time apparently. Not sure if the trigger warning was necessary, but I added it in case.

Trigger warning
Abandoned, bully mention

That's also the time "My BFF" since kindergarten broke my heart. She abandoned me (Told me out of the blue that she doesn't ever want to be my friend anymore) and I saw her hanging out with the bullies. That hurt me so bad.


End trigger

It takes time to build up System trust! We have been working very hard on it, we all want to become a functionating group who can help and love one another.
It can be very frightening for alters to begin to converse with the host/original, just don't give up, and try to keep communication open.
Nadia did something similar when J found out about all this, telling her she was just going insane, that she was just faking - but it was because she was terrified of harm coming to us, she's very selfish and possessive, and she admits that (although she thinks it's a good thing)
Just keep working on it! Chances are they aren't mad, just scared of being hurt or harmed.
Currently knowns: J(host/original)
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Littles: May, Joy, Sammy, Hope, Alliyah, Morgana, Callia, Adelise
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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby Ponyta » Wed Jul 18, 2018 5:46 pm

KawaiiKitty wrote:
It takes time to build up System trust! We have been working very hard on it, we all want to become a functionating group who can help and love one another.
It can be very frightening for alters to begin to converse with the host/original, just don't give up, and try to keep communication open.
Nadia did something similar when J found out about all this, telling her she was just going insane, that she was just faking - but it was because she was terrified of harm coming to us, she's very selfish and possessive, and she admits that (although she thinks it's a good thing)
Just keep working on it! Chances are they aren't mad, just scared of being hurt or harmed.



ok. Thank you!
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Protectors: Weirdo (Male-28), Wolverine (Male-30), Blaze(Male-24), Brian (Male-28)
Mary, Blue, Melody, Maggie, Larry, Taz,Romeo, Electro, Nightcrawler, Bruiser, Punisher, Freedom, Isabelle, Andrew, David, Bowser, TJ, Jessie, James, Jack, Giovanni, Yondu, Scar, Rose, Angelica, Bandit, Mystique, Tom, Marco, Iggy, Rhino, Steve, Matt
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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby ItsJustUs » Wed Jul 18, 2018 7:33 pm

So, my "peeps" started coming out after I met my husband (while we were dating), and for the first time in my life I had total trust in someone.

The little came first. I lost time while talking with him and thought I'd fallen asleep. It was after about the third time of talking with her that he told me about her. I was shocked and scared and was sure he'd think I was crazy or faking these "blackouts." But neither was true.

Shortly after she came out, Britney came out to investigate, and to try to sabotage the relationship. Eventually he earned her trust as well. Then came Delilah, who had been "in control" for all these years, and saw how well he took care of us, and now she's happier because she doesn't have to be in control all the time, now that the other two love, respect, and want our husband to be happy with them.

Once the three of them were out and I knew about them, I eventually came to accept that this is how I was, at least for the moment. Delilah was the easiest to communicate with because she'd been, unknown to me, doing the whole co-conscious thing with me, but I didn't know it. The "little voice" inside my head when I had to make a difficult decision was her, guiding me to do what she thought was best for us. She helped me learn how to communicate with the other two, who weren't always open to talking to me directly.

I say that to say this... your people are scared and confused and some apparently are in denial. They need a safe place to express themselves. They need to learn to trust you. IT was a really REALLY hard go with Britney because she scared me. So I tried to shove her down which made her hate and resent me, and made co-operation with her difficult when I did begin to accept things.

Safe. Your parts need you to accept them, and need to feel safe to communicate with you. For me, that came because of my absolute trust in my husband... I guess, in a way, they all watched how he was, and came to trust him too.

The newest one ... we don't know much from her yet.. so we'll see if she follows suit.

Kitten


-- Wed Jul 18, 2018 1:34 pm --

Do you have a T?
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Kitten 39F-Core, Delilah (age unknown)F- Protector/System Manager/Care Taker, Britney 17F- Former persecutor turned protector, Lilly 5.5F, Little Wolf (young, but age unknown) "job" unknown, Val- age unknown, Female entity, we think she is a protector
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Re: Terrible Feeling that everyone is mad/upset at "Me"

Postby Ponyta » Thu Jul 19, 2018 1:53 am

ItsJustUs wrote:

I say that to say this... your people are scared and confused and some apparently are in denial. They need a safe place to express themselves. They need to learn to trust you. IT was a really REALLY hard go with Britney because she scared me. So I tried to shove her down which made her hate and resent me, and made co-operation with her difficult when I did begin to accept things.

Safe. Your parts need you to accept them, and need to feel safe to communicate with you. For me, that came because of my absolute trust in my husband... I guess, in a way, they all watched how he was, and came to trust him too.

The newest one ... we don't know much from her yet.. so we'll see if she follows suit.

Kitten


-- Wed Jul 18, 2018 1:34 pm --


Do you have a T?
Kitten



Thank you for the information!

According to my mom: the youngest one, Mary, was the first to appear. I don't have a therapist right now, but I'm trying to get a new one. (Having a hard time finding one though) Had problems with my last one....

Both Wolverine and Freedom HATE ME(They both told me so). Wolverine keeps appearing in my dreams and terrorizing me. He thinks it is hilarious for me to be terrified out of my mind. I believe he is a perpetrator, modeled after the bullies. Freedom might also be, but I'm not 100% sure. She however also thinks it is hilarious for me to be terrified. Not sure how I am going to be able to communicate with either of them.

I feel crazy saying this, but I often can see them in my mind laughing at and mocking me. They tell me that I'm too fat, an idiot, I'm going insane, worse stuff than that, etc. I do not like their foul language that they use either.

I read that keeping a journal could help. I'm trying that, but it feels weird.

Last night I managed to have a conversation with a "new one". I put that in quotes because it might be "Blue". Mary told me she believes that there is one named Blue. But she doesn't know for sure if it is their name or not. She acted like Blue doesn't talk much. She just can feel their pain. I believe I can as well. Probably safe to say we all can. They told me, in the journal, that they don't ever want to go to school ever again. They said they don't want to face the bullies. (I've graduated from High School ten years ago) I told them they never have to return to school. They didn't believe me. Just as good as called me a liar. I think they are around 8 years old- based on a fact they wrote. If so, I understand their trust issues.
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Mary, Blue, Melody, Maggie, Larry, Taz,Romeo, Electro, Nightcrawler, Bruiser, Punisher, Freedom, Isabelle, Andrew, David, Bowser, TJ, Jessie, James, Jack, Giovanni, Yondu, Scar, Rose, Angelica, Bandit, Mystique, Tom, Marco, Iggy, Rhino, Steve, Matt
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