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Generally lost

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Generally lost

Postby ArthurWheindal » Fri Jul 13, 2018 8:36 am

As the title says I'm very lost. I have had suspicions that I have DID off and on for about a year or so now; but no alters have come forward and I'm starting to think I'm just crazy. I've lost time in the past, heard voices, I had frequent traumas in childhood and have large gaps in my memory. I saught out a therapist in hopes that I can find an explanation but during an inpatient stay I was given the pcl-r and all ideas that I may be dissociative are written off as an attempt at manipulation. I'm desperate for an answer and I know myself that I'm not a psychopath. Friends of mine have agreed. Basically I'm asking for tips. How do I know for sure that I'm not a dissociative system and if I am how do I get my alters to respond to me instead of just commenting on random occasions? I'm losing my mind and I would really appreciate any help. Thank you.
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Re: Generally lost

Postby NyxX » Fri Jul 13, 2018 9:57 am

I can't tell you how you can know for sure. When we first read about DID we shad this sinking feeling of oh crap this is me. Everything that has happened since has reinforced that for us.

Have you down the DES-II it will give a good indication of how dissociative you are. (Remember to average your score first time I did it I didn't.)

If parts are not responding its possible the comments your hearing are not from dissociative parts or that parts do not want to talk to you.

For us successful communication occurs when we direct our thoughts at each other. Some people journal and write to each other. Others draw. Others used representaional objects to help facilitate communication. Others talk out loud. Try different things and see what happens.
nyx-usual poster
Nixie, The Pixie, Big ZuZu, Z, backup-known active alters
We might mention Ozalces he is our SO he made an account but doesn't use it much
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Re: Generally lost

Postby KawaiiKitty » Fri Jul 13, 2018 10:19 am

It can be scary for alters to come forward - and it might be similar to us - we wanted to stay hidden from J in order to protect her, and some of us like Evan were worried she would just desperately try to get rid of us and force us to integrate (we didn't know back then that's not how it works).
You could try writing them a letter, and leaving it near your bedside or dining table for them to find
Currently knowns: J(host/original)
Infants: Moirai
Littles: May, Joy, Sammy, Hope, Alliyah, Morgana, Callia, Adelise, Alice
Teens:Kay, Emma, Hans, Zed, Noelette
Adults:Jarette, Jessica, Elizabeth, Pudding, Aphrodite, Musica, Nadia, Cam, Summer, Jo, Adele, Ellie, Hattie
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Re: Generally lost

Postby raptureblues » Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:21 pm

I can't say for certain if you have DID or a dissociative condition or anything like that, but if you feel there's a concern then I'd recommend taking the DES test and review this with a psychiatrist / therapist. Just because the people from where you were in-patient misunderstood doesn't mean others will, though I think anyone would be apprehensive about seeing anyone after that.

The PODS website (https://support.pods-online.org.uk/find-a-therapist) has a resource where you put in your location and they provide a list of "dissociation-friendly" therapists based on therapists who went to their training days about dissociation. It's UK-only, unfortunately, so I don't know if that would help you.

As for communication, I've found it hard personally. I've been informed by the others that they can't directly speak to me and have to send a kind of "thought message" to me so I can "hear" them, and that it's a one-way system. So if I hear a message, I reply out loud or internally depending on if people are around, and they can hear me when I do that, but I can't instigate communication and send a message inside for anyone, at least as things currently are. I also use a journal, which one alter prefers using.
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Re: Generally lost

Postby SOHank » Fri Jul 13, 2018 12:43 pm

Most important is to find a T with some (any) experience with DID. Then build trust with the T.

My wife's T has additional training specifically in DID. Even so, it was almost a year in, after several indications towards DID, with my wife's T thinking she must have been mistaken before any insiders presented themselves to her. It was another month before a couple introduced themselves to me. This was shortly after our 10th wedding anniversary. So..., I guess you could say it took them a while to feel it was safe enough. Once one or two found out it was safe to be out, several others joined over time. 8 months later and I couldn't tell you with any certainty that we have found everyone...

If you are on your own, journaling or coloring can be helpful. If you start having feelings that seem out of place, start doodling, writing, or just sit there with pen and paper and "think in" that it's okay for them to write or draw.

Lastly, Dissociation is a scale with different levels of severity. You could still be on the scale somewhere without full DID.
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