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Is this normal for Ts?

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Re: Is this normal for Ts?

Postby exul » Sun Jul 08, 2018 8:13 am

DozensOfDenizens wrote:One thing that I don't understand is why people think telling someone they're normal helps at all. If someone doesn't feel normal, telling them they are normal is just gonna make them feel worse.
-Kurt


This is exactly what I'm always afraid to say. I always try not to seem like the one that wants to hear they're "different" because, often times, I feel like people who see me like the one that wants to hear they have something going on tend to minimize everything I experience.

Johnny-Jack wrote:
So technically I'm sane and healthy, even if I dissociate daily (a thing she agrees with).

Actually, she may not be wrong. You're clearly not insane and you may present as fairly mentally healthy, even with dissociation. Host alters who attend to therapy often do that from habit. Until we realized we had DID, the hosts during therapy would to tend to "hold it together" to some extent because that's what we've always done. Our mother was called "crazy" by people in public sometimes so we avoided any possibility of that applying to us. None of that means you don't need a diagnosis or specific treatment.

Even if your perspective about the therapy is incomplete, it sounds like her approach has not been a win overall. By incomplete I mean behaviors that are fairly common in those of us with DID: not being able to stand up for, recognize, or express our needs or point of view, questioning our own perceptions, fuzzing out, fear of challenging those in positions of authority (especially over us), etc.


This is what I meant with what I said above here. I actually did know that hosts tend to maybe underestimate symptoms or look like healthy people, it just didn't click that this might be one of my problems too. Now that I think about it, I'm overly cautious with what I say and how I say it, because I don't want her to think I'm challenging her way to judge my mental condition. It's like, I tell her about things that happen to me, but only those that are fairly evident and/or I'm certain are abnormal and cause me distress. This means I often base my sessions on practical matters and serious episodes that I'm afraid might happen again (like only the amnesia I can sort of prove, things I say/do that others apart from me can confirm, etc.). The ones that I consider as minimal symptoms, or merely internal states that don't seem to influence heavily my behaviour, I often dismiss them because "what if I'm making this all up and I'm wrong, and she comes up with a wrong diagnosis/theory?".

I understand this is harmful for me sometimes, but I just can't make myself stand up for myself all at once. But I'll keep trying.

raptureblues wrote:My current therapist initially made me feel like I was being brushed off, or that my experiences were being treated as symbolic/metaphorical, but when an alter fronted in a session she immediately took action, contacted my psychiatric nurse to make sure she knew what was going on, and every session since then she's made it very clear what she thinks and where she stands. My doctor is "anti-diagnosis" in the sense that unless it's required for medication or to access certain treatment, she doesn't think it's good to get a diagnosis "just for the sake of it". I don't know if she'll change her mind if my therapist contacts her about it, but I do get where she's coming from.


I think that at this point my T is on the same track as your doctor. I completely understand how frustrating must've been, but at least she immediately understood what was going on when it became more evident. Even so, this confirms my fear that this may mean that until something happens in front of her, she'll continue to normalize and "reassure" me that everyone experiences my problems.
This being said, I really hope that you'll continue to receive proper treatment and that your doctor'll change her mind about your situation.

TheGangsAllHere wrote:
Johnny-Jack wrote:It takes an educated and skilled therapist to treat DID successfully. I think we're talking about well under 50% of therapists. I base that on reports from my T, who gives seminars to educate practicing therapists on how to recognize and treat dissociative disorders, especially DID.


I think you (or your T) are being overly generous. I think that well under 50% of therapists are capable of recognizing and diagnosing DID, let alone treating it successfully. It's a very self-selected group of therapists who even choose to attend a seminar about how to recognize and treat DID. I'd say only a tiny fraction of the Ts out there are capable of treating it successfully. (But I'd be happy to be proven wrong!)


This saddens me a bit actually, because I already know there'll be a long journey before I'll find the right one. It's really a shame that conditions like DDs are almost never properly studied or treated, while patients have to struggle every day with symptoms they don't know how to control and the majority of times even scare them.

Sorry, little vent.

Anyways, thank you very much to all of you. I feel so reassured now that I probably know what's going on, and yes, like some of you suggested I won't give up con therapy completely, and will also search for a specialized therapist when I'll move. I really hope I'll be able to finally understand my experiences better with proper help, and I hope I'll feel better someday.
Thank you again for your patience, I appreciate it very much. Please stay well!
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Re: Is this normal for Ts?

Postby IainEtc » Sun Jul 08, 2018 11:27 am

Hi Exul,

Just wanted to say that our T was really slow to diagnose us and that was good because Host is totally afraid of being labeled crazy. Once Host was more ok with what was going on and the fact he lived in a system then she was more open about using the term DID. I think if she'd used the word too soon Host would have run!

We pretty much think you should talk to your T about all this and see what they say. I mean if it's the last session it's not like you're going to be stuck with them forever. We'd want to know what they're going to say if our new T calls them up.

Hope things get better when you're at school. We went to college and it was great because we got to start over and be more us. There are lots of threads about going to college on the forum.

Good luck,

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Host - the adult out front

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Re: Is this normal for Ts?

Postby exul » Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:52 pm

Thank you Iain, I really appreciated your and all the others' suggestions and I was planning to do so today (at the last session). ... unfortunately at the last moment I opted for the "remain silent" option, keeping a low profile hoping she wouldn't mention the "parts" (alters). I was too scared to have to deal with the bad thoughts again if she ever told me again that there's no solution "because it's normal". I hate when I'm like this, but I really couldn't help to feel anxious and didn't saw the point in doing it anymore.

But, despite this, even if I tried to avoid the topic, she jumped on it again; so I tried to talk about a specific alter that seems to be the closest to me, and that I felt beside me almost like a constant presence for years now, before knowing about Dissociative Disorders etc.
I talked about him as usual, same words and maybe a few details more, knowing she would brush off the whole thing as a sort of "imaginary friend" that I created who knows why. But this time, it didn't happen?? She was giving me a weird look, and then said something like "you know, this is actually very peculiar" and then asked me questions as if I never talked about him with her diring sessions, and this astonished me. She then said that this that I had could've actually been a sort of psychotic experience (this when, when I did the SCID-II I turned out as having schizotypal traits and she then blamed it on my anxiety as always), as if she suddently added a new perspective to it. At that point I didn't know what to think. I still don't know what to think, except that I've never heard of psychotic experiences in which an hallucination or paranoia began to suddently change the way you acted and/or dress and basically behaves as an other personality. I can't say anything, because she's the one that studies psychology here and I don't have the right to discuss what she said, but this comes off as extremely weird and nonsense to me. He is definitely one of the very few comforting presences in my whole life since years, and I can't get past the fact that she seems to see him as a delusion or paranoia. I just don't know.
Maybe I'm really making this all up, but if so, what about the others?

She told me then to keep in contact with her, and I will. But I really hope that some other therapist will give me some answers and that I'll finally understand what is going on with me.

I hope I made sense, sorry if the message seems confusing.
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Re: Is this normal for Ts?

Postby Una+ » Wed Jul 11, 2018 4:05 pm

exul wrote:She was giving me a weird look, and then said something like "you know, this is actually very peculiar" and then asked me questions as if I never talked about him with her diring sessions, and this astonished me.

Uh oh. Read what you wrote: as if I never talked about him with her, and think about that a moment. What just happened there? This happened to me with one therapist and it turned out the therapist had untreated DID and the challenge of treating another person with DID was destabilizing the therapist's own DID system.

Schizoid and schizotypal PDs desperately need a name change! They are not psychotic disorders.
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Re: Is this normal for Ts?

Postby NyxX » Wed Jul 11, 2018 4:25 pm

exul wrote:I can't say anything, because she's the one that studies psychology here and I don't have the right to discuss what she said, but this comes off as extremely weird and nonsense to me.


Just because someone is more learned then you does not mean they know more then you. This is your experience and you are the one most knowledgeable about your experiences. You have the right to change her if you think she is wrong.

People that study psychology do not study all aspects really and new studies and new awareness and knowledge is being gained all the time. And even if she had the most up to date knowledge and was the mist informed T ever each person's experiences are there own and we don't all fit neatly into boxes. So you should absolutely challenge any T that you disagree with.
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Re: Is this normal for Ts?

Postby VioletFlux » Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:25 pm

I'm in agreement with Una+ and NyxX.

The T may be more learned and have a degree and whatever, but she still works for you. Don't stay silent and let a T be dismissive or walk all over your thoughts and feelings and opinions.

And like Una pointed out, that totally sounded to me like the T themselves may have a dissociative situation going on, perhaps they're unaware of it themselves.

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Re: Is this normal for Ts?

Postby exul » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:41 pm

I really know I should speak my mind and/or contest what she says. I really have to work on it, I don't even know why I'm like this. Every time I tried to make her understand my points and my symptoms, but after the first or second time I repeated the same stuff she kept repeating the same things, so I didn't feel like contrasting her anymore because she seemed so sure and didn't ask any questions (I mean it was like she perfectly knew what I was talking about).

Now that I keep figuring out symptoms of my condition, I think I'll be able to stand up for myself more when I'll see another therapist (certainly more specialized in Dissociative Disorders).

Regarding the possibility she might have some kind of dissociation going on, I somehow suspected that too, but ... my hypothesis was that she kept forgetting things because she didn't write anything down. Almost never.
So I don't know, she's not exactly young, and has many patients, and all that stuff. But yes, technically a therapist has to be able to keep track of every patient to keep helping them as best as possible. I mean, it's their job.
Looking at the bright side, now I think I know what to look for in a therapist.

Thank you again for your patience, I'll let you know if and when I'll find someone new.
I really hope you all are doing well
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