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Bye bye

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Bye bye

Postby PlanetIcarus » Wed Jun 13, 2018 1:22 pm

There's no need for anyone to answer PMs we sent, we know no one cares. I don't know why we thought someone would.

We've been thru this so many times before, I don't know why we always end up trying to start from the beginning and think things would be different. They will never be. Four month is the time we can be in somewhere, then we need to go. We've tried to learn it and leave in three, but we are always so happy at that point we believe it will be different this time. No, it won't. The happier we were, that much more it hurts to come crushing down.

We only came for Leon. That he could have friends once in his life, and he did, and he's been so happy.

We did made a rule, it will be just him, we will tell who we are, so no one gets scared of the one little one without knowing anything from the rest of the system, but we just didn't have enough self-discipline to not to write too. It is because I don't talk. I only exist by writing. That's why it was important for me. I just wanted someone to know I do exist and think and am someone.

We thought about if it would be just the big ones quitting, so Leon could stay and he wouldn't need to crush down with the rest of us, but we can't let him be the one who gets attacked.

We are not protected, and we can't protect ourselves because we will be punished if we do. We won't stay and wait for that to happen. We've been advised to leave.

It was the stupidest idea to think it would be better somewhere else. Getting hopeful is the worst feeling there is. I don't know why we thought someone would actually want to keep in touch with us. We always understand people wrong ways. We always believe they care, when they are just polite. We know there is no caring without sex for us, so I don't know why we still get hopeful, after all we've been thru.

Leon doesn't want to go to say goodbye to his friends. It would be just :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: and Bye bye. Maybe it's fair other littles don't need to see it. It is only our problem anyway.
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Re: Bye bye

Postby myce » Thu Jun 14, 2018 1:47 am

Hello PlanetIcarus, I'm sorry you're feeling unsupported and hurting. I was baffled by what happened though, and it seems the community wishes these issues not to be discussed in public. It is understandable if you feel you must leave now but I wish it wasn't the case. I respect you for your kindness, sensitivity and intelligence. Maybe I can only be "polite," and maybe not even consistently so, that is my limitation. You are a beautiful soul and I wish for you to find the support you need.
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Re: Bye bye

Postby myce » Thu Jun 14, 2018 2:36 am

I'm feeling a bit self-conscious about being socially retarded, so I apologize for being a dork if I said something insensitive to anyone. I almost lost my best friend last year when we triggered each other and he left. It was understandable because of what he had been through, but we worked it out and he came back. I understand why you want to leave PlanetIcarus but I still hope you will find another solution.
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Re: Bye bye

Postby birdsong87 » Thu Jun 14, 2018 2:42 am

I am sorry you are leaving.
I have observed what happened. And it is my concern that this will happen to you again, because you make it happen to yourself.
What I have seen is that you got triggered badly. And all your defense systems got triggered. You worked yourself into a state of high fear and fight mode, trying to confront things that you perceived as a threat, all concerning a fear of punishment that did not happen, never was an actual threat to happen.
It is a typical trauma schema of defense in flight&fight. but the truth is that the threat you are fighting belongs to the past. nothing bad actually happened to you. as far as I could see you didn't even get a disturbing message yourself. others tried to help you see that you are fighting shadows of something else and that they don't perceive the threat like you do.
But it seems like you can't step out of the trauma schema and since fight didn't work you choose flight and escape instead of facing a differentiated view of the situation today, that did not threaten you in any actual way. you are responding to trauma and the fear of trauma, not this forum and real things that happened to you personally.
you were not attacked. You were explained in detail how to help yourself if anything weird ever happened. it was clear that actions that would call for sanctioning by moderators were not needed cause moderators would help if you ask for them to do so privately.

I understand that it feels utterly painful and that someone can be caught in that, including vehement emotion that is difficult to regulate. It's what being triggered feels like, it brings up our most painful old experiences and makes us live through them again.
But your state of being highly triggered is not this forums fault or responsibility.
I hope that the next time it happens you have the support you need to step out of the schema and get grounded again to be able to do a thorough reality check of what is today and what is from the past. what is happening here today is, in my opinion, an over-active defense system and a lack of realization of the actual situation.
You can hate me for saying that, it probably supports your defenses. but I hope that at least others will gain some understanding of your actions and not get triggered and confused as well.
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Re: Bye bye

Postby BeccaBee » Thu Jun 14, 2018 2:46 am

well said birdsong.
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Re: Bye bye

Postby myce » Thu Jun 14, 2018 1:16 pm

I saw PlanetIcarus apparently flipping out over some gibberish. Maybe that is what actually happened. We learn to better regulate these reactions with experience. But everyone here knows that things are not always what they seem. We in the public don't know what happened in private and we don't have enough information to judge. Forum volunteers may have felt PlanetIcarus being triggered and overbearing. But there is a possibility of MC abuse on this forum which other people would not recognize it for what it is. That is a threat to people who have those vulnerabilities.
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Re: Bye bye

Postby PlanetIcarus » Thu Jun 14, 2018 3:36 pm

There was nothing you did wrong, myce. It's not about you. It is about how this website is built to work. We do not accept it.

Neither should any of you in our opinion. But you don't seem to care. That is your choice.

We are not scared. We do not flight. We just disagree. And we realize you don't. It makes some of us very sad. And the consequences of building up trust we shouldn't have. It would have been better for Leon never have friends than have them and lose it all.

It was all a sleight of hand, birdsong, and you have been observing what was not true. Or did you actually saw all the same things we did? It is still there if you want to observe the facts, not feelings. It is just not all in one place. There were four people doing the same rule break. FOUR. Did you see them treated equally? We didn't. That is why we asked questions about the rules being for everyone and how the punishments work, what are they based on. Did you see any answers? We didn't. We were tapped to the head and made look stupid by 3 different people, one cursing at us and moderator thanking them for that. And you all believed. Most of it is private, and not for you to see at all. People are very different in private than they are when all can see. You know all of this and still you have opinions over things you know you don't know the whole truth about.

Many of you have said we are clever. But you still refuse to believe we may actually have pointed out something real. We consider that as denial. You don't want us to be right. We can also say it is a trauma symptom in you, not wanting to believe bad things when you feel trusty.

That is always the easy way out. When ever you see something being wrong, they can always answer like you are answering to us now. "It is just because you are crazy. No one will ever listen to you. It is actually your fault because you are the wrong kind."

We know there are parts in us who always hear that and will punish themselves. We know there will always be people who use it against us, and we don't even hide the fact we do that. It is because we don't care. We don't give away any information you could actually use the way we care. We are going to die anyway. That is why we are not scared.

We tried to inform people about what they have singed themselves in. Those rules we told you are not acceptable by any means. They mean users have no rights in here what so ever. Moderators can do what ever. Complaining about it will be punished, because it is against the rules. Go and read the disclaimer. Try to understand objectively, it is not acceptable. If you haven't been the victim of it, it doesn't make it more acceptable. I do not understand what part of this you do not understand. You can call to any IT security person and ask about it.

We did saw someone getting really scared, and for a good reason. We saw them being punished because they got scared. Because they got scared they would have needed us to listen to them and sooth them down. They were not breaking any rules any more, it was just once, like most of the others. They kept trying to write about their system reaction, because they needed this website to be their help. It is sad. But we did warn them. We did warn all of you for that too.

Do not trust this place to be your support system. It is not, it will never be. It changes in seconds. Someone attacks and suddenly no one is on your side anymore. Everything will be alright as far as you feel good enough. When your system alarms, and you actually would desperately need help, there will be only attacks and people accusing you.

Now you have started it on me too.

It has happen to us before. It is enough we saw it happening to someone else here. Why would we wait for it to be done to us too? Why do any of you wait? We do know we feel too bad sometimes to handle people attacking. We know they won't be stopped. We will be stopped from defending. As I told, we have been advised to leave, because that's just the way things are. The rules and protection is not for all. I know you refuse to listen, but that's not our business. We won't try to save people against their will. You are adults. We feel responsible for telling what we know, because we are brave enough to do it and not care if it costs us our support system and life. That's how it is then. But that's the truth.

When we were tortured, there were numerous people knowing about it. It was not a secret at all. But all the people chose to be his friends like always. All the neighbors, coworkers, etc. Because he didn't treat them like he did me. So they didn't care what happened when they didn't see. We will never be one of those people who turn the blind eye. And the ones who are, will always believe it is all our own fault. It is always peoples own fault how they are treated. Except when it suddenly is you and you realize it isn't like that after all. But do you think them who you treated wrongly or let someone else do so when that happens to you? No, you don't. You keep thinking about yourself, like you did when they were right.

You are very much wrong birdsong. It won't get better if we stay. We shouldn't have even responded to you now. Longer we do, more there will be accuses. That much worse it gets. We should have leave without telling it, if it would have been just about us. But it wasn't, it was about all of you others and your safety.

We should do like we do in real world and shut up. We know we are right. That is enough. You can bad mouth as much as you want but it doesn't change any facts.

Us getting triggered or not doesn't change any facts. They are why we were triggered. We are the ones who actually checked the facts and did some research, because we are not stupid. And because we are kind, we also told it to you, even when we know people in denial will attack.
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Re: Bye bye

Postby Efragments » Thu Jun 14, 2018 6:13 pm

[mod edit]
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Re: Bye bye

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Thu Jun 14, 2018 7:17 pm

It’s not the place of this forum to function like a parent or a T, to soothe someone when they are triggered to the point where they can’t control themselves enough to follow the rules. I’m sorry that happened to efragment. But it didn’t happen to you, nor did it happen because the mods enjoy “punishing” people. There are limits to what a forum can do, and the rules do keep people feeling protected and safe. I spent months reading this forum before I started posting, and I’ve found it to be a very supportive and safe place.

I hope that you will be able to stay. My littles will miss Leon if he leaves, and I’ve appreciated your insights very much and will miss your wise posts.
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Re: Bye bye

Postby Violarules » Thu Jun 14, 2018 9:02 pm

I was trying to stay out of this thread, since I felt it would cause conflict if I said anything, but I can’t stay silent anymore. I’ve seen on multiple occasions people saying they want the staff to be more transparent about how we mod conflicts that arise on the site. On another site I used to be a moderator on, members demanded the same thing, but here’s why that can’t really work: We’d have the situation that’s going on right now almost constantly if we did because there will always been people who are unhappy about the decision the staff come to. I will also admit that I don’t read every single post that gets submitted to this part of the forum. There are so many threads and so many posts that I would have to keep up with if I were to do that. Now I know some might complain that these are all excuses, but they’re true. I’ve learned, not just from modding, but from life in general, that you can’t please everyone. Someone will always disagree. Like TheGangsAllHere mentioned, there’s only so much the staff can do and sometimes the final result doesn’t benefit everyone. I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but this is my stance on the matter. You don’t have to agree with me at all. There’s nothing wrong with having your own opinions, but I just wanted to say how I feel about this whole thing.
I have ADHD. Possibly have another mental disorder but am not certain.

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