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Not being able to talk

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Not being able to talk

Postby fireheart » Tue Jun 12, 2018 7:50 am

Sometimes I'm "not allowed" to speak and my words and thoughts sort of disappear. It's like I am unable to reach them anymore. Even when I have written something down that I want to say, I will physically be unable to say them.

It has to do with other parts feeling unsafe or not wanting me to talk about something. It's very frustrating.

Does anyone relate and/or have tips for dealing with this? Preferably, I'd like to be able to talk when I want to. :?
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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby NyxX » Tue Jun 12, 2018 9:59 am

I'm not sure I can help but we relate. Our voice gets locked we become unable to make any sound, so we can't speak we cry or scream without sound (well Nixie does I find it disturbing especially the screaming.)

Sometimes our thoughts get hazy and feels like they are difficult to reach but the 2 don't usually happen together.

I deal with being mute by messaging people or using an app called emergency chat which is designed by someone with aspergers who becomes non verbal. It has an intro scream so you can have an explanation prepared and then a chat function that pops the text bubbles on the left or right side of the screen. But I can't see that helping much if your unable to think
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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby birdsong87 » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:12 am

it sounds very familiar.
for us it all comes down to sense of safety and trust.
its a process to get to that.
parts who take away thoughts or words or ability to speak them need to learn that it is safe to speak freely. it might mean that they get oriented in time and space, learn more about today and the differences between then and now.
it might also mean that you need to get to know them and their concerns better, so that you can adapt to that. In doing this you can gain these parts trust that you won't say anything that could harm you today.
trust is built slowly and over time. So is a greater awareness of safety in the present.
we have some agreements inside not to talk about certain topics, for the love of each other and in respect that there is fear. It means giving up a topic freely and therefore not having to struggle with others trying to stop us (we have parts who bring up body flashbacks for punishment, thats not comfortable at all...)
take it slow. figure out what you can say without causing distress. and what topics to avoid for now.
then move on to solving the reasons why parts don't want this to be spoken.
if you try to push thru with your will they will push thru with their will and you have a full blown power struggle. they never end well.
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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby VioletFlux » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:22 am

I haven't noticed this much myself, but I know previous host did a lot. For her it, the worst was like being physically choked. Mostly it was more like she was choking on the words themselves.

It happened when she tried talking with the family, about anything emotional. And it would happen if she was trying to talk to anyone else about emotional stuff regarding the family.

The words or thoughts weren't blanked out, she could like sit there just burning with the desire or need to talk about something, but being physically unable to get the words out, they'd just stick in her throat and finally she'd have to give up.

Actually come to think of it, it has happened to me but it isn't as bad or as strong as she felt it. I've only had it happen a little, with the mother. Mind you we don't really talk with the sister any more, and our dad died a few years back. V1 and me don't get it all when just talking about the family, with friends or our T or whatever.

Writing still worked fine, our previous host used to text when she couldn't talk, that wasn't blocked at all.

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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby fireheart » Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:41 pm

Hmm, yes, I should have specified. I am still able to talk, just not about what I wanted to say. I can also still think, but the thoughts about what I wanted to say seem to be "taken away". So it tends to be a very specific effect.

It definitely has to do with safety. An example is discussing conflict with T, which I want to do... to solve it and so we can feel safe again. However, some parts do not want me to discuss this because it would require vulnerability and closeness. (And trust).
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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby kittenspuppies » Tue Jun 12, 2018 4:36 pm

I've had great difficulty talking about particular topics when part of me didn't want to feel vulnerable and close.

And I think pressuring myself internally to do so only made it worse. And perceived pressure or encouragement from the therapist often made it harder.

I have a suggestion...give yourself permission to not talk about it. Take all of the pressure to do so off.
The parts that are uncomfortable might feel more empowered and eventually more able to let go.
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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby PlanetIcarus » Tue Jun 12, 2018 4:42 pm

Elias can't talk, his voice doesn't come out. If he is forced to try, he feels like choking and can make some kind of a "whisper" from his throat. He is terrified. But he is not out nowadays at all. He doesn't have to anymore, we have protectors now doing the job he needed to do before.

12 yos from my subsystem are kind of shy. They can talk, but they talk very quietly or by whispering, rather not at all. If they write, their handwriting is very very small. But they are social anyway, just shy and some of them guilty.

Words do disappear from me sometimes. I don't know why. Sometimes I've tried to write here, but no longer remember barely any English. If I try to translate from another language, it starts to disappear as well. I realize then there is something in the subject we can't handle. But I have no clue what it was, it didn't feel like anything dangerous at all. Maybe it was about to lead something dangerous, since we think many times the subject at the same time we write about it.

Sometimes we are very good with words, sometimes not at all. It differs like everything else as well.
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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby LadySlippers » Tue Jun 12, 2018 4:51 pm

I find this happens a lot in T. We will be describing something and then just stop. It’s cuts off.
It’s usually about things that are too dangerous to share or we fear won’t be believed.
Sometimes we remember what we were going to say and sometimes it gets erased
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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Jun 12, 2018 5:12 pm

I had a pattern that got built up and reinforced with my previous therapist when I wasn't able to remember important things during the session that I really wanted to tell him. They would come back into my mind afterwards, which was very frustrating, and I would leave long voicemails about them and then talk to him on the phone, where it was much easier to hold onto my thoughts and words and felt much more safe to be "close" to him and express my feelings. I think that was easier for him also. I didn't know about the dissociation then and thought that it was just anxiety that was making me forget everything.

In my current therapy I still have difficulty getting more than a small percentage of my thoughts and feelings to stay in my mind after I walk in there, and my solution has been to write in a journal to the T between sessions.

All the things that I (or different parts) want to tell him or might want to tell him get written in there, and then I hand it to him to read at some point early in the session. Sometimes I will write something in there and then add, "I'm not sure I will want to talk about this," and he will honor that. I also have a private journal where we talk to each other, and sometimes I will let the T read part of that also.

For me, it feels like it's a stuck protector part that is automatically keeping so much out of the sessions and/or perhaps there's a part that really wishes we could return to speaking with a T on the phone and keeps things out with that goal in mind. Either way, I've made progress with this approach of bringing in written words.

When something REALLY doesn't feel safe to tell the T, I just won't let him read that part (he'll cover it with a piece of paper). But at least I've kept the option open.
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Re: Not being able to talk

Postby PlanetIcarus » Tue Jun 12, 2018 5:48 pm

We were few years ago I think ?? having this thing.. like conversation help. Which means it was not real therapy with any real psychotherapist but with psychiatric nurse or someone like that. She either did not believe in parts, and said few times stupid things about parts in general, or maybe she was not professional enough to deal with us all. So we weren't able to talk about parts and she didn't talk to any parts.

Well, there is nothing else but parts in the system, so we just didn't talk. We didn't want to. Why we would've? We weren't heard even when we haven't even started the whole thing yet, and she already had an opinion on us. So we never had anything to say.

She wanted to talk about our eating problems, but she was talking about it like we would've wanted to loose weight because we think it's cool to be skinny. That is not true, so she was not talking about our eating problems at all, just some basic stuff what someone else could have, but we didn't. Aksu does not eat or let anyone else to doit either if he can prevent them, but it's not because he would think it looks cool. He couldn't care less how we look like.

**Trigger warning, unbalanced part and some sex. abuse: One time she was somehow much friendlier than normally, and for some reason it triggered out I think one 11 yo from Elias' subsystem, which was active at the time. He climbed on the table and yelled repeatedly "rape me, rape me, you're not man enough to rape me!". And the thing is, she was not a man, but he didn't either care or understand it. Have no clue why he was so upset. She got scared of us, maybe understood for the first time we actually have real problems with parts out of control, it is not an imaginary thing. She called to the doc and we got more meds to sooth us down to be easier to handle to the adults in where we lived back then.

Just realized we lived then in the institution where this older boy was trying to rape us several times and molested our 4 yo when he was sleeping. Never put the pieces together before, but he actually had something important to say. Was not heard though. So it was all pure waste of time and effort. TW ends**
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