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Dating Alters

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Dating Alters

Postby spartanfur06 » Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:07 am

Hello everyone,

I know romance can be a sensitive subject so this may be a better thread for SOs, but feel free to chime in if you’re comfortable.

How many of your SO’s alters are you dating? Or how many of your alters are dating?
Do you have to worry about jealousy amongst the alters?

For my part, I’m romantic with all three of my SO’s alters. Back when she had nine I was only romantic with the same three. I’ve always been afraid there’ll be jealousy, but I do my best to make sure that I give equal time to everyone. That means a lot of date nights in a week but it’s worth it. XD.
Dx: Depression, Bipolar II

SO to a wonderful woman with DID.

To my sweetie: If you could see yourself the way I do you'd fall more in love with yourself everyday.
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Re: Dating Alters

Postby NyxX » Tue Jun 12, 2018 12:33 am

All the alters I can communicate with have a very important relationship with our SO not always romantic sometimes he is just our best friend. He can list more parts then me so I think we all care for him. No one gets jealous. We do feel possessive of him but not in a jealous kinda way. Its more mine to love mine to protect mine to care for but he can belong to others inside and out as well then he has more people to love and protect hi and that's a good thing.

nyx

Super super super good.

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Re: Dating Alters

Postby SphinxMoth » Tue Jun 12, 2018 1:40 am

What a good way to put it, Nyx!

We feel the same way with our husband, Spartanfur06. There’s no jealously amongst parts - just love in its types. I know when we had more alters, particularly younger ones, they adored him and he adored them. None of cared or care much about equal time so much as quality.
Dx: DID, CPTSD, depression.
Three known alters remain.
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Re: Dating Alters

Postby NyxX » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:29 am

I sent your questions to my SO last night because it was the middle of the night and I didn't want to wake him to ask and he just replied

"I think I'm dating 2 or 3, friend to all and worried about 1 losing touch with everyone she knows
Never considered jealousy"
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Re: Dating Alters

Postby spartanfur06 » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:59 am

Thanks NyxX!

-- Tue Jun 12, 2018 6:59 am --

Thanks NyxX!
Dx: Depression, Bipolar II

SO to a wonderful woman with DID.

To my sweetie: If you could see yourself the way I do you'd fall more in love with yourself everyday.
spartanfur06
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Re: Dating Alters

Postby NyxX » Tue Jun 12, 2018 3:02 pm

I wanted to add something else wbile it isn't something you asked about its something that is important and caused problems for our relationship.

I haven't always understood what having my different parts meant and neither did my SO and I was stable and the issues I had were manageable. That was until a part that I had been suppressing for most of my adult life stopped being suppressed and when I would try to suppress it again it faught back and I would end up more afraid and in more pain and my ability to function took a nose dive. Since then I've learnt about dissociation and DID and we understand things more.

Anyway I'm getting sude tracked. When things started going badly my SO started feeling like he was my carer and not my partner and that was really hard for us and him. He was unhappy in our relationship and we were afraid he didn't love us anymore. We ended up talking about it and we came up with a schedule that allowed time for helping catch up with housework if and when we fall behind time he devotes to me (well and the others inside our head) and time for he has for himself.

The time he has for himself is his self care and he usually uses it for warming and is really important to his wellbeing. It can be emotionally and mentally exhausting deal with someone that isn't very stable mentally or emotionally which we are not a lot of the time.

I don't know what your situation is like but its important to consider self care and know how you will recover your energy if and when you need to do so.
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