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If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

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If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Feb 09, 2018 4:56 am

I've had it demonstrated very clearly to me this week that no one in here is going anywhere just because I think it should be my way or the highway. And I don't even know which "I" I'm referring to, but someone in here has days where they start to think of the others as splinters--foreign bodies that should just be tweezed out or whatever--that don't belong or have a right to be here.

So we had a couple of days where I would make a plan of what I wanted to do, and it would be sabotaged--we would waste hours doing basically nothing--not doing what anyone wanted to do. Then for the past couple of days, I've been trying to make sure we work as a team--that we take each other's needs into consideration, and we were able to get a lot of things done, and everyone has seemed a little calmer and less stressed. So, obviously that's the way to go, but I've just never liked to be part of a group and it's so frustrating. This one wants to walk on the beach, that one wants to curl up in bed and watch a cartoon, another one wants to stop at the Starbucks drive-thru on the way to food shopping. Of course, if I make time for each thing when it comes up, as best I can, then it turns out that there is plenty of time to take care of everyone. It's when I put it off that hours go by where we're all stuck being disgruntled (that's such a great word..).

I definitely see improvement--I can actually check in with different parts while we're out and about, which I couldn't do before. I can notice a feeling and realize it belongs to someone and figure out what's causing it and try to help with it. I can start down the path of "why didn't I realize this was going on before and start to deal with it sooner?" and then stop myself before I get too upset, and just deal with the present.

So I'm writing this to remember not to fight back--to remember to step back and find out who needs what, including whatever "me" feels like I'm in charge at the time. None of us in here wanted to end up like this--it's not our fault, any of us.

Maybe I'll make this my journey thread. Seems like we could use one. 8)

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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby Menagerie » Fri Feb 09, 2018 5:13 am

Wow! This is so great to read. Well done!
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby birdsong87 » Fri Feb 09, 2018 7:44 am

good job connecting there
understanding like that has been a breakthru for us
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby VioletFlux » Fri Feb 09, 2018 9:21 am

That sounds great Gang, great communication and cooperation!
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby MakersDozn » Fri Feb 09, 2018 2:29 pm

Good job, Gang.

By the way, has anyone ever been "gruntled"?

Things that make you go hmmmmm....

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Multiple. Self-dxed 1996. Body 56f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), + a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby littleDaria » Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:11 pm

TheGangsAllHere wrote:...I've just never liked to be part of a group and it's so frustrating. This one wants to walk on the beach, that one wants to curl up in bed and watch a cartoon, another one wants to stop at the Starbucks drive-thru on the way to food shopping... ...remember not to fight back--to remember to step back and find out who needs what, including whatever "me" feels like I'm in charge at the time. None of us in here wanted to end up like this--it's not our fault, any of us.


OMG yes, wish we were better at this ourselves.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:38 pm

Haha, MDs. Exactly my thought process. Disgruntled sounds like you should be relieved of your gruntles, but it doesn't work that way. :D

And thanks for the support, everyone!
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat Feb 10, 2018 12:18 am

It's so f@#*!*g exhausting to go to therapy!! And then I'm stuck parsing every little thing that happened for the rest of the week until I go again. From everyone's different perspectives.

And does anyone else have Littles that do an end run around attempts to protect them and try to connect with the T anyway?? We asked for and brought home one of the stuffies from his office to have for the week, but it feels like that happened without me really wanting it to or having a chance to think about it.

I know what the reason is--it's for them to be able to hold on to the feeling of liking him and all the positive feelings we get back from him, while this newly active protector part is griping about how bad he is for us and how he's just going to hurt and disappoint us. The T was talking about being able to hold those different feelings at the same time, and the Littles heard the word "hold" and got the idea of taking the stuffie home so they could actually hold it. The last time we brought it home was for Thanksgiving, and that caused a lot of problems, so I don't know what the f**k we're doing.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby panther99 » Sat Feb 10, 2018 10:31 pm

I have the problem as well that if I don't listen to my alter. Nothing gets done and I'm stuck feeling defeated all day or week. Yet if my alter gets mad, which is when he wants things, mainly birds. Every time my alter gets mad about something he wants to go out and get a bird. I've done this and might have to rehome some if this keeps continuing. I give into him otherwise he throws a fit and he defiantly doesn't leave me alone till he's satisfied. But he never gets satisfied for long. My main two birds are great and bring me lots of happiness. T, thinks he wants more of this. I just want it to stop cause it won't be able to continue on forever.
One alter age eight ...owen
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby Johnny-Jack » Sun Feb 11, 2018 2:52 pm

Very nice post, TheGangsAllHere, I'm feelin' gruntled! And your little taking the stuffie home, so cute.

Can we all agree that you can't beat 'em? If you even stop to think what that means.
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