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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat May 15, 2021 12:06 am

Gotta update this because

We went to see our T in his office for the first time in more than a year!!

(littles wanted the letters to be big, since it's such a big event for them)

We had trouble deciding whether or not to go, because we could have just done a video session instead, but we wrote in the journal last night, and only three people had worries about it. We texted the T to tell him how they were feeling, and then they were ok with going.

It didn't start off well, because he was being sort of distant, but it turned out he was trying not be too overwhelmingly happy on the outside like we had asked him. As soon as we told him that we felt like he was being distant and cold, he started being warmer and what the littles call "nicer."

I think the littles got enough time with him and enough questions answered to be ok with having to "leave him" and wait until next Friday to go to his office again. I'll write down the answers to help them remember.

One thing was that someone always feels that if we need to text him the same day after we saw him, that he'll have a feeling of having already spent time with us, and like he's rolling his eyes that we need more from him after having a whole session that often goes a little over, and that he'll "frown" and feel bothered if he gets a text from us. When we told him that, he said that right then he was rolling his eyes about the idea that he would be rolling his eyes. That we're not bothering him and he would never frown at getting a text from us. Somehow the "rolling his eyes about rolling his eyes" statement really got through to someone in a way they could take in.

Another thing was that some littles feel like the end of the session means that he's "getting rid of us," and that he has better things to do, and wants us to leave. And what he said is that he doesn't have better things to do; he has other things to do. And that he looks forward to the next time he'll see us. So that helped the littles feel better, because they know that we also have other things to do. We can't just stay there, because we BOTH have other things to do.

And then something that helped Watcher feel a lot better was that the T is willing to try to work out a way to see us at his office on Tuesdays, even though his usual days for clients are Wednesdays and Fridays. Before he took another job, over two years ago, we used to see him on Tuesdays and Fridays, but then he couldn't anymore, and it's been hurting Watcher all this time, because Wednesdays and Fridays are too close together for us, and going just on Fridays is too far apart. It felt like an unchangeable thing, but the T is always willing to try to work things out, if possible, so first he said that he could probably see us at 8:30 on Tuesdays, but that's so early, so now he's going to think about whether he could take a break in the middle of the day from his other job, since he's just going to be doing it virtually from his office anyway. Just the idea that he would consider that means a lot to Watcher (and the rest of us).

Anyway, there is a lot of stuff going on in our life that's stressful, but at least seeing the T helped instead of adding more stress.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby Jolly jo » Sat May 15, 2021 6:45 pm

I am so happy for you that you got to go in person. I am finding the zooming very hard and the others just refuse to engage.
I am also really pleased to continue to read about your relationship with you T.
Diagnosed DID with a few other states.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat May 22, 2021 12:52 am

Thanks, Jolly jo. It helps us to write about it, so I'm glad someone else enjoys reading about it.

We saw the T on zoom on Tuesday, and I think it felt more distant, because later on we sent him two long texts full of upset feelings that we were trying to sort out. Someone was upset that he didn't seem to understand that we can't just move forward from now and do all the things we want to do in our life. There are some things we aren't going to be able to do.

And someone else felt like the connection wasn't real--that the T wants us to feel connected to him because that helps us, as part of the therapy, but it's just him doing his job and constructing something that isn't real. They were angry and said that he doesn't know them and they didn't want him to respond that he would like to know them, because that's just "dumb therapist talk because that's all you are!"

We're still only letting the T respond with emojis, and that's working really well. There's no chance for him to upset us further when he's only sending waves, hearts, hugs, and other symbols. So he sent back the emojis we asked for.

But today we had him reread that text while we were in his office so we could make sure he really understood what we were saying. Someone is having a hard time holding onto, or believing, that the T's feelings about us are real, so we spent time talking about that. One thing that helped was remembering that he had said that he was "miserable" during that time that we had the big rupture that lasted months, and we wanted him to describe that. We said that was kind of a strong word and he said, "yes, because it was a strong feeling."

Part of believing that his feelings are real is knowing that he still has them between sessions. That we're still part of his life between sessions in the sense that he doesn't forget about us--that he thinks about us, remembers what we've talked about, and still has the same feelings that he shows us during sessions. And he said that's all true. We're always in his thoughts, "sometimes in the front, and sometimes in the back." He was sad that it's so hard for us to believe that his feelings are real.

Another thing he confirmed is that he would take our pain from us if he could--he would take it and feel it instead of us, and it wouldn't matter that it would hurt him because he has ways to heal himself that we don't know how to do as well yet. At the very least, he would want us to not feel alone with the pain, but that's how we mostly still feel. Telling him about things that are upsetting doesn't usually help us feel better--it usually makes us feel more pain, and not less alone. Goals for the future, I guess.

Anyway, it was an exhausting session, but we have a lot of memories from today of the T's feelings--seeing him feeling so sad, and also seeing him looking like he cares a lot about us and stuff, with his eyes able to look directly at ours, which you can't do on zoom. So that's good.

We're taking the day off from exercising and being productive. We've been getting lots of things done every day for the past week, and doing some kind of exercise and sit ups every day, so it's ok to miss a day. (Saying that to whichever of us still thinks it isn't ok.)
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby Menagerie » Sat May 22, 2021 5:19 pm

It's always so good to read this and catch up on how you all are doing. Plus, selfishly, you have good ideas and solves for things with your T...and it helps us too. I haven't read *everything* from the last few months, but I always check out your journey thread. You all are awesome.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby MakersDozn » Mon May 31, 2021 8:55 pm

Hi Gang,

Just wanted to let you know that we've read the posts you've made in this thread during the past month and a half or so. And we also wanted to let you know that we care.

It's great that things are going better with your T.

We're sorry that things aren't going so well with the bodywork T, though, and we agree with Asti's perspective. We're also sorry that your son is having medical issues, and that you're also having issues with your father and stepmother. And we hope that these situations will improve.

MDs
Body cis ♀ (1962). Realized 1996 that we're multiple. System of 47, all cis: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (0-7+), 9 middles (8-11+), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+), + formless yin/yang.

Notable: Charity 25 (oldest), Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Mon May 31, 2021 9:25 pm

Thank you, MDs.

Yes, we're glad that our T has been responding the way we need him to. He will still occasionally ask a question, but it's usually not helpful and gets us off track. So we tell him that, and don't answer it.

And sometimes he tries to say too much about something, so we tell him to stop talking, and then he'll pretend to zip his mouth and throw away the key.

We only saw the bodywork T for 5 or 6 sessions and then stopped. It was really destabilizing us, and not providing a safe place to work on regulation.

And thanks for caring about the other issues also.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Jun 06, 2021 10:32 pm

Moving this from the Littles thread because it doesn't seem to fit with what the Littles are talking about right now, and this will help Claire know that what she wrote on Friday is important:

We saw our T today, and he was nice. We tried to really be with him there instead of putting words in the way, and it worked a little bit because we can really remember being in his office and peeking around the pillow. He said he liked being there with us and it really seemed like he did.

We asked how it would help us to learn how to be there with him and he said that the more we can do that, the more we'll be able to stand having big feelings. But we said that it's still kind of too big even to really be there with him and feel the good feelings he's sending. But it's getting easier a little bit at a time. So that's good.

So many big feelings are so hard. We cry almost every night when we walk the dog because there's always something that makes there be big feelings, and they can be good or bad, it doesn't matter--good ones hurt just as much and make us cry, just because they're so BIG. :shock: :shock: :cry: :cry:

Claire

This session was the first time I can remember that we were able to just be there in silence with the T--we didn't feel internal pressure to talk about something to fill the space, and we were trying to relax and connect in his presence, which we usually can't do. It was very helpful to spend the time that way--it seemed to give a lot of young parts a chance to peek through at the T and his office, and to feel what it's like to be there.
_______________________________________

We did end up texting him later on Friday because Watcher was still upset about something that happened on Tuesday, and even though the T was very apologetic about it at the start of Friday's session, it seemed to Watcher like he was apologizing for something that wasn't what happened. But the T responded with emojis that helped Watcher feel better.

We haven't needed to text since Friday afternoon. I think we're just assimilating the experience of being with the T in a slightly more present way than we have before. When littles start missing him or wanting to text him, it helps to recall memories of being there with him Friday, or to think about him doing the project he said he would be doing this weekend.
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