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If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby IainEtc » Mon Jul 27, 2020 11:59 pm

Hi,

Good work in therapy. That was super brave to tell your T about stuff that bothers you. We have a hard time with that too.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Jul 28, 2020 3:38 am

Thanks, Iain. I think we're making a lot of progress, maybe partly because we're seeing him twice a week.

There's a lot of stuff about our life as a grownup that we've never told him about because some of us were scared that he would be different toward us if he knew, but now we've started telling him some of it, and then we're extra sensitive about what he says back to us about it. So it's easy to get upset, and then hard to figure out why and THEN harder to explain it to him.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby IainEtc » Wed Jul 29, 2020 2:53 pm

Hi Gang,

Host still doesn't like to talk about his private stuff with our T. He's always asking her if she thinks he's crazy. She always says 'You're not crazy'. Then he asks if she thinks he's 'Faking'. She always says 'You're not faking'. Then he asks if she thinks he's 'Bad'. She always says 'You're not bad'. It's gotten to be this kind of a regular thing. I guess he needs someone to say it.

Hope you guys are doing good and staying safe.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby MakersDozn » Wed Jul 29, 2020 7:44 pm

TheGangsAllHere wrote:There's a lot of stuff about our life as a grownup that we've never told him about because some of us were scared that he would be different toward us if he knew, but now we've started telling him some of it, and then we're extra sensitive about what he says back to us about it. So it's easy to get upset, and then hard to figure out why and THEN harder to explain it to him.

IainEtc wrote:Host still doesn't like to talk about his private stuff with our T. He's always asking her if she thinks he's crazy. She always says 'You're not crazy'. Then he asks if she thinks he's 'Faking'. She always says 'You're not faking'. Then he asks if she thinks he's 'Bad'. She always says 'You're not bad'. It's gotten to be this kind of a regular thing. I guess he needs someone to say it.

Hi Gang and Iain,

Gang and Host aren't the only ones who need this sort of reassurance. I do as well. I hope that hearing this feels validating to you--it does for me.

Charity
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed Jul 29, 2020 8:14 pm

We were still feeing shaky later in the day on Monday, so we texted the T because the littles wanted to make sure that the T won't change no matter what we tell him. He did reassure us about that, but it wasn't exactly in the format we needed to see, so then we had to text him again (which some of us don't like to do) to ask more specifically for what we wanted.

And someone else (outside) said something to us on Monday that that made Nadia feel self-conscious and like we do everything wrong. They meant it as a compliment, but it was one of those things that make us feel unusual or different, and just really bothered us. We were talking about something, and the person said we were very "human" and "candid" and said "people don't usually talk about that," and that "you must already know that about yourself," and we were really surprised and upset because it wasn't anything personal. We were just talking about the next thing we had to do after our meeting with that person, and it was something annoying that someone else was insisting on that we didn't think was necessary and how next time we might just go around them and get it done a different way.

So Nadia was crying a lot and feeling like we just "shouldn't exist," and it kind of just kept going. Finally yesterday afternoon we texted the T, even though some of us thought it wouldn't help, because we didn't really understand why we were so upset and sad, and how could he help us anyway? But he sent back a very caring text that helped us feel a lot better. So that's where we're at right now.

He said that if we feel sad, then he feels sorry and sad that we're sad, and we don't have to know why we feel that way. He would help us figure it out if we wanted him to, and if not that was ok, too. And he said that Nadia is "such a caring soul," which was really nice. She always worries that we're bothering him, but he said we're not.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby IainEtc » Wed Jul 29, 2020 9:17 pm

Hi Nadia,

You should totally exist! Always.

Iain, Evan, Colin, Cody, etc.
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Re: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sat Aug 01, 2020 5:23 am

Hi IainEtc crew,

Nadia says thank you and that was nice of you to say. :-)

_______________________________
We had therapy this morning, and then a day of really really boring and strenuous cleaning chores at home because we're trying to make our house look better. We made a little bit of progress, but we didn't do anything fun and we didn't even do the stuff on our daily list that we wanted/needed to get done today. All we did was spray and scrub and vacuum and it really sucks!!! We didn't even go outside really. And almost all we did yesterday was clean also. :evil: :evil:

And on top of feeling frustrated about that, some people are feeling lonely and sad tonight and missing the T a lot. :cry: :cry:

I hope tomorrow is a better day.
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