Our partner

New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Violarules

New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby Square84 » Sun Jan 14, 2018 12:44 pm

My psychologist has diagnosed me with complex post traumatic stress disorder with symptoms or dissociation and depersonalisation. We have done quite a bit of work on identifying different parts (we have discovered 5, with 3 that are more prominent) and she speaks a lot about my observing self. I am at a pretty low point at the moment and at my last psychology appointment yesterday, I said to her that rather than manage the different parts, I'd rather they got rid of my observing self and just let them do what they want, even if it means admission to a psychiatric hospital for the foreseeable future. We discussed this a little, but she advised me to find a forum for dissociation to see if anyone else ever feels like this? X
Square84
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2018 12:33 pm
Local time: Tue Feb 19, 2019 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Mon Jan 15, 2018 4:06 am

I'm not sure what part the observing self is supposed to be. Is it the host? If so, I've certainly felt discouraged and overwhelmed by having to manage and understand everything that's happening inside. What has helped has been to communicate with different parts about what they want and need, and then to try to meet those needs. But it feels like a big burden sometimes, and I have felt like I want to just check out and let them take care of things.

I think realizing that you (whoever wrote the post) are a part, just like the others, might help you feel less like you are responsible for managing everything. Talk with the other parts about helping you out. Teamwork is really important.
TheGangsAllHere
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2170
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:15 am
Local time: Mon Feb 18, 2019 6:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby Johnny-Jack » Mon Jan 15, 2018 4:44 am

Square84 wrote:...she speaks a lot about my observing self.

Is this a part you've identified or something from your therapists's vocabulary that doesn't correspond to someone you know. Hopefully the former.

I can tell you that as a host, if I could have gone away and just left the body to whoever of us wanted it, I would have. Or so it felt comforting to me to imagine doing that. But I realized it wasn't a responsible thing to do to so many littles who would be lost and terrified without guidance and who didn't deserve to be abandoned. So yes, I think I've felt like what you're describing if I'm reading it right.
Dx=DID John, Johnny, Ryder hosts. Sphinx. Gwendolyn 50s. Marc-Dominic, Aaron, Gaul 40s. Jonathan 33. Neville 20. Quato 19. Ulric 17. Kyle 16. Calvin, Daniel 15. Faolán 14. Hoyt, Cam, Cully, Flynn, Tuck, Abel, Eberly, Will, Gordon, Pehr, Mick/Mxyzptlk 13. Nigel 12. Orval, Jack 11. Abraham, Zane, Ty, Randy 10. Brody 9. Sky, Yanni, Vince, Luke, Hank, Xavi 8. Cole, Matt, Chase 7. Andre, Godwin, Greg, Carter, Estes, Seamus 6. Michael, Caleb, Inky, Kent 5. Casper, Bartholomew, Raisin Annie, Scott, Hansel & Johann, Wats 4. Pip, Max, Little John 3. Erik, Sheldon, Alvin, Ashár, Henry 2. Edward, Clark, Zeb 1. Adam <1
User avatar
Johnny-Jack
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2646
Joined: Sun May 29, 2011 3:07 pm
Local time: Mon Feb 18, 2019 10:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (40)

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby Square84 » Mon Jan 15, 2018 7:28 am

Thank you for your responses. I guess the observing self is the same as the host. I'm kind of glad others have felt the same, even though it's not a nice way to feel. I guess it has taken a while for me to accept the diagnosis (and I'm still not sure I have).
Square84
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2018 12:33 pm
Local time: Tue Feb 19, 2019 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby birdsong87 » Mon Jan 15, 2018 5:20 pm

I can understand the idea of just letting go, taking care of all of this is so tiring, and let things go down and just be in a clinic where others have to bother with it or we get meds or it would be ok to be out of control and crazy....
Asti says that it doesn't make any sense because, what is the goal? that wouldn't get us anywhere.
for us that would just mean avoidance and that never solves anything.
it sucks to deal with things, every. single. day. but then, that is what is actually getting us somewhere.

any way you can give yourself a break? not think, not anaylize yourself, not observe? and do something with your hands or outdoors or try new experiences?

I am not sure if we experience the same as you, but for us, we get tired of having to control it all so we wont fall apart. instead of allowing us to fall apart we allow us to take a short vacation and do something different.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
birdsong87
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 3047
Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2015 10:20 am
Local time: Tue Feb 19, 2019 3:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby littleDaria » Mon Jan 15, 2018 8:28 pm

we know what it is to want to give up and let things take their course with professional supervision in our local inpatient psychiatric unit. Our T tells us to remember we are all 'parts of self' and have equal validity if that helps at all.
The Ohana Autonomous Collective
Daria (system age 17-23) (bio age: 50f) [NOT the Original]
Pixie (Fairy) | Ligella (Vampire) | Aloysius (60) | Snow (18) | | Mona (17)
Niki (15) | Naomi (14) | Mal (12) | Simon (11) Evora (9) | Willow (9) |
Ophelia (8) | Alia (6) | Denise (4) [possibly original] | Aura (3) | Newt (2/3) | Boo (2)
littleDaria
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 723
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 7:19 am
Local time: Mon Feb 18, 2019 9:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby comevuoi » Wed Jan 17, 2018 12:03 am

Square84,

I could have written your post myself. I'm also new to this and it feels overwhelming. I also want to just avoid it. This forum has really helped me. Reading what others have experienced and how they deal with their parts and their hosts is super helpful.
comevuoi
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 11:33 pm
Local time: Mon Feb 18, 2019 6:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby Square84 » Thu Jan 18, 2018 8:50 pm

Again, thanks for all you're replies. I think I need to try and accept the diagnosis more before being able to work with the parts, it's very true that it's overwhelming. As well as a private psychologist (who diagnosed this), I also see an NHS psychiatrist. The psychiatrist diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder who I don't feel really understands me.
Square84
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2018 12:33 pm
Local time: Tue Feb 19, 2019 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby Una+ » Sat Jan 20, 2018 3:23 pm

Square84 wrote:I guess the observing self is the same as the host.

No, usually not.

The observing self is a state of mind in which you observe and do not judge. In a person with DID the observing self very often is not the host identity, and there may be no observing self at all. Sometimes there is an observing self and it is called the internal self helper. In most cases the observing self is found somewhere deep inside or created or developed during the course of psychotherapy or as part of a spiritual journey.

Anyway this is all very technical and what matters isn't the labels but the process of coming to terms with your condition and getting well. The way forward is through this hot mess.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

Is your dx DID (or MPD/DDNOS/OSDD)? Join the 2017 survey: Time to diagnosis?
Una+
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 6938
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:17 pm
Local time: Tue Feb 19, 2019 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: New to forum - does anybody ever feel the same?

Postby contentbrace » Sat Jan 20, 2018 9:50 pm

Not that my knowledge is good to go this far back in my journey. I'd think the observing self is good for getting verbiage, reminders, it helps to know who last had influence. It can be good for knowing what it might want say watch a movie play a game get its impressions of the moment. Check its history, so that you know that it I've watched you quite, it is normal to feel bad about the observer or floaters for that matter.
contentbrace
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 296
Joined: Wed Oct 11, 2017 4:37 pm
Local time: Mon Feb 18, 2019 9:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: esuzie1115, Floralie, GKOKD, IainEtc, Majestic-12 [Bot], Marshalandmore, TeddyBear the helper, walden and 50 guests