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is this DID?

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is this DID?

Postby iamihsan » Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:34 am

Hello everyone.

I'm new to the forum, just registered coz I'm worried about my wife. In situations of extreme stress in our relationship or at work she sometimes complains about headaches and being 'dragged' into a dark place. She then dozes for a short while and when she wakes up it's like someone else has taken over.

So far I managed to identify 2 alters
1 calls him/herself the defender (protector? Not sure). Also not sure about the gender I'll just use 'it'. It is 100% hostile towards me. Talks about my wife in the 3rd person. It says things like she's mine, I was here before you and I'll be here after you, leave her alone. It recognizes me and seems to have some recollection of previous encounters. At this point it straight attacks me physically on sight.

2 seems like she identifies herself as my wife. Asked how old she is she said '19.. well I was born19 now I'm 24' (my wife is 28). she seems sweet but she's very much suicidal. Also mentioned there's others (as she is trying to convince the others to commit suicide).

My wife doesn't talk much about it but I managed to find out that she was assaulted and abused when she was about 19. She was then kidnapped when she was probably about 24.
She is also aware that something is not right. She told me she s been in a room with 4 doors where's she's seen herself. She associates the defender alter with bricks (wall) and she also mentioned she met herself holding a snake but I don't know what alter that might be.

These alters I met seem to have a very sketchy personality (the defender is literally pure hatred) and don't seem able to function nor to keep control for long. They also come out very rarely and only when she is completely overwhelmed with negative emotions. I noticed that if I manage to keep her eyes closed for a little I can Induce her to doze off again and switch back.

Apologies for the long post but I'm trying to give you the whole picture. My wife refuses to seek any professional help and I hope someone here could give me some advice based on your experience. What am I dealing with? Is this some form of did?

Thank you
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Re: is this DID?

Postby LadySlippers » Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:05 am

It sure sounds like it .
Even if she won’t go it may help you to have a professional to talk with
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Re: is this DID?

Postby iamihsan » Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:53 am

Thank you for the reply. I didnt know I could talk to a doc myself,I thought a professional would only speak directly to the patient.

I didn't mean to get an actual diagnosis here, I know it's not the right place.

I was just wondering if anyone here is in or knows about a similar situation
_ trauma not as a child but later as a young adult
_ 1 main persona + a few alters with no much personality depth (I understand the correct name is fragment?)
_ switching only when very distressed
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Re: is this DID?

Postby IainEtc » Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:58 pm

Hi,

I have an idea. Maybe you could both go see a counselor together. That way you could see if you're accidently triggering your wife and she could hear what's going on for you. Just a suggestion.

Iain
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When they say 'be yourself',
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Re: is this DID?

Postby LadySlippers » Thu Jan 11, 2018 2:31 pm

She may remember the young adult traumas but not the earlier childhood ones. Pretty common . I was clueless until I had flashbacks as an adult
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Re: is this DID?

Postby Una+ » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:36 pm

Welcome, iamihsan.

You can always see a counselor or therapist for your own problems, and your own problems obviously include a wife who is an undiagnosed, untreated multiple and for some reason now she is also florid. (This could be a positive sign that she is becoming ready to begin healing.) You can always talk to another person's therapist about that person; the therapist just cannot tell you much (meaning give you information or advice specific to the person) unless the person gives written consent. Without written consent, a therapist can still provide valuable but general information: how DID works, good books to read, other resources you can access.

What this can look like: When I was in treatment I gave each of my therapists written consent to talk with my husband about me. They used their judgment about what to share with him and as far as I know they shared less than I would have liked. I also brought my husband to some of my sessions. One therapist wanted no part of talking with him, and I did not work with that therapist for long. Two other therapists were eager to meet him and include him in the therapy, and one even called him to talk with him privately about how he was coping.

From what you describe, your wife has DID. Everything you describe is very typical, nothing at all unusual.

By way of example, my most recently formed alter formed in my 40's. Before that, one formed in my teens. Neither formation was due to trauma (which is unusual). In fact I have a history of severe stress and some major trauma without splitting, and my system is small. My other alters have been around since before any of us can remember, so I don't know why or when they came about (but I can guess). One likely has been around since infancy. Two of us are well elaborated "apparently normal parts" (ANPs), the rest are "fragments". Or were; there have been fusions.

Here is something you can do. Next time that hostile one comes out and says "I was here before you" be ready to say something like "You're right. And I am so glad she has you to protect her. Thank you." Anticipate the attack and make a "timeout" gesture and say "Whoa! Time out! I need to tell you something." Then however you can manage to say it sincerely, tell that part something like "Hi. Welcome back. I remember you from before. I was hoping you would come. We need your help. Can I fill you in on what's been going on? Or, can you fill me in?" Your objective is to ally yourself with and befriend this mysterious and interesting and powerful other part of your wife whom you love.

Also, when she is in her normal state you can sit her down and gently, calmly talk through her to the hostile part inside. Pause between sentences, allowing time for your words to reach them and sink in. Often, if you wait and watch, you will see a body response of "Okay, I heard that." It might be as slight as a flicker of the eyelids or the faintest possible nod. Say something like this: "There is a part inside who sometimes comes out, a protector, very strong and fierce. I am thinking maybe that part can hear me right now, so I'd like to say something and I hope that part is listening. Next time that part comes out, I'd like a chance for us to talk before the fighting starts. Okay? And... by the way, if anyone is wondering, my name is ____. ____. Does that part have a name?" Then address your wife in her normal state and ask her: "Can you feel anyone listening inside? Can you hear anyone trying to say something?" Any response is good. Don't worry that you might be creating DID; you already saw and heard more than enough to know the DID already exists. All you are doing is opening lines of communication.

We have some old threads here about talking through.

It is funny and also sad how often our insiders don't know anyone's name. One of my insiders was crushing on someone for over a year before learning his name. Then when she did learn it, because she had begun to be able to hear me, I had begun to be able to hear her and she drove me utterly bonkers for a few months by constantly saying his name. LOUDLY. NAME NAME NAME I love NAME. NAME NAME. NAME NAME NAME! NAME. NAME. Name name name.... NAME NAME NAME NAME.

As one of my T's was fond of saying, you can't make this stuff up.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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Re: is this DID?

Postby IainEtc » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:46 pm

Great stuff Una+. You're really smart. :D

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: is this DID?

Postby Una+ » Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:53 pm

:b
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

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Re: is this DID?

Postby KudzuVines » Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:27 am

Una, I think you're my hero. I've shown your post to my husband, to give an example of how react when my own protector type parts are ascendent.
Dx DID, PTSD - most child alts use host's name so using Youngun (age) here.
Host (39f), Shelley (34f), Candace (32f), Ray (23m)
Imogene (17, 11, and 7 who now is Emma)
Youngun (11, 9, 7, 6, 4ish)
Rare to front but active inside: The Scientist (elderly m), The Curator (elderly f), Amber (9f), Kendra (7f), fragments
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Re: is this DID?

Postby Una+ » Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:50 pm

Most of this comes from a foundational textbook for therapists about how to diagnose and treat DID. Arguably it was the first book of its kind and its author was also pretty new to DID then, and writing for an audience of other therapists who knew basically nothing about DID. What he did was send a massive survey, hundreds of questions, many calling for essay responses, to everyone he could find who had treated DID. He got hundreds of responses and he organized them all into a coherent package, this book. So it is a really good basic primer. I have read it cover to cover several times.

Diagnosis and Treatment of Multiple Personality Disorder (1989) by Frank W. Putnam

This great book remains in print even now. If you don't want to buy a personal copy, ask your local library to buy a copy to add to their collection or borrow a copy for you using interlibrary loan. It is available also in translation:

  • German: Handbuch dissoziative Identitatsstorung Diagnose und psychotherapeutische Behandlung
  • Turkish: Coklukisilik bozuklugu : teshis ve tedavi
  • Japanese: 多重人格性障害 : その診断と治療 /
    Tajūjinkakusei shogai : sono shindan to chiryo
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.

Is your dx DID (or MPD/DDNOS/OSDD)? Join the 2017 survey: Time to diagnosis?
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