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Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed May 30, 2018 1:32 am

If the goal is to increase communication inside, then you can just write things like, "Does anyone have anything they want to say?" Or write that you want to hear whatever anyone wants to tell you. Then just write down whatever comes into your mind and just be open and curious. (But stop if it feels like too much to handle).
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby Soggycereal » Wed May 30, 2018 1:34 am

To: TheGangsAllHere.
Oh, okay, that makes sense, sorry if that was stupid to say.

Thanks for letting me know.
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed May 30, 2018 2:07 am

No--not at all. It wasn't very obvious to me when I started. I found some guidelines online, but I just looked and I can't find them again. They were from something called the D.I.D. Journal Kit, but I'm not sure if it's still available.
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby Soggycereal » Wed May 30, 2018 2:09 am

To: TheGangsAllHere.

Thank you so much for all the help!
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby Soggycereal » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:31 pm

**trigger warning: weight loss/ relating topics(?)**


Hello everyone, i hope you're all well.

Today i was talking to my mom about not being able to push myself past my daily calorie goal if it's not within one meal, when i decided to reduce my portions to a healthy size it went very well for a few months, but after a while i started realizing that i was eating less and less, and became addicted to weighing myself (which i have since gotten control over) recently i realized just how little i had been eating (700 at most), i didn't think much of it until yesterday i became really dizzy and fell to the floor, and for some reason, it was almost as if i felt happy about that? Like i found comfort in the feeling i had while sitting on the floor, (it reminds me of the comfort i get from being depressed, it's strange to me) anyway, i wanted to tell my mom about how i felt comfort in the feeling i had, but as soon as i started telling her i randomly blurted out that what i wanted to tell her is that I've been weird about eating over 1000 cals, i still want to tell her, but thats not the point of this post; after telling her about that she told me when i was five i used to purge, i dont remember anything about this, and it just had me thinking if whats happening now is related to that situation, she said it was so bad that she ended up taking me to a doctor, but i dont remember this at all, and im worried.

Sorry if this makes no sense, I'm just confused and scared(?) I guess.

I don't want to throw every little thing i experience as "that's because of did" so sorry if it seems like that what im doing, im just worried, and i don't know if it can even be related to that or not.
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed Jun 13, 2018 5:17 am

Soggycereal wrote:after a while i started realizing that i was eating less and less, and became addicted to weighing myself (which i have since gotten control over) recently i realized just how little i had been eating (700 at most), i didn't think much of it until yesterday i became really dizzy and fell to the floor


That sounds very disconnected from your body. Not realizing how little you've eaten until you fall to the floor means you were dissociated from any of the signals that could have let you know that you needed to eat.

Soggycereal wrote:she told me when i was five i used to purge, i dont remember anything about this, and it just had me thinking if whats happening now is related to that situation, she said it was so bad that she ended up taking me to a doctor, but i dont remember this at all, and im worried.


From what I know, that's a very unusual symptom for a five year old, and would make me wonder what was going on in your life at the time. I wouldn't think of it as "because of did." It could have been because of some kind of trauma you were experiencing and that was how you were showing your distress--unless your mom said they found some kind of medical cause for it.
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby Soggycereal » Wed Jun 13, 2018 5:33 am

From what i was told it sounds like when i was 5 that was around the time my mom had started having lots of surgeries done (not sure, i just remember bits and pieces from her having surgeries and me having to help her out, but that particular memory of me helping was around 11 i think, the only image coming up is when i had to **graphic** help stuff this huge hole she had in her stomach region because for some reason her doctor that was coming out to the house didnt show up that time, and the gauze needed to be changed often, but that's all i really remember)



On the eating thing:
Eating has gotten so tedious for me recently, like i can go an entire day and realize i hadnt eaten anything, and then just eat dinner or something because my mom will come in and make me come eat, but i honestly feel like if she didnt do that i wouldnt even bother doing it.

There are times where i can feel hungry, get up to go eat something, and then as soon as i start preparing something or trying to figure out what i want i dont feel hungry anymore or i just forget that i was going to go make something to eat. So it usually just ends in me going "what was i up for, meh, back to my room i guess?" Theres even times where i swear i ate a few times that day and my mom would say "that was two days ago when you ate that" or something, it's really confusing


My mom said that she thinks that I could have just been copying her since she stayed sick so much from the surgeries, so i decided to make myself get sick too?
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby Soggycereal » Wed Jun 13, 2018 2:30 pm

I don't want to throw every little thing i experience as "that's because of did" so sorry if it seems like that what im doing, im just worried, and i don't know if it can even be related to that or not.


I guess what i was trying to say instead of "is this because of did" is could it be from someone inside (if there's even anyone in here?)
Sorry, i word things weirdly and apologize a lot.
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed Jun 13, 2018 2:46 pm

Soggycereal wrote:I guess what i was trying to say instead of "is this because of did" is could it be from someone inside (if there's even anyone in here?)


Do you have a journal? You could try asking. The answers are inside you--it's just a matter of being open to more awareness. It's not easy though since systems are designed to keep things out of awareness.

But also self-care is one of the basic important things. Maybe you should keep a food log so you can see when/what you've eaten?
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Re: Everything is quiet. Possible tw?

Postby Soggycereal » Wed Jun 13, 2018 2:55 pm

I started the journal, but since we moved and im still unpacking I've been trying to find the best time to try and chat inside. The standard "hey how's everything" and commentary from inside is all that's going on.

I've been logging my food into my fitness pal, but the strange thing to me is that i was able to see what i had been eating and how little it was, yet it was almost as if it didnt register in my head that it was so little until the other day. It was to the point where i felt disgusting eating over 800c and had to push myself to do it (which i figured was a normal thing since i went from eating so much to trying to stay lower, but instead of staying low i went too far and was convinced it was fine since all my meals were healthy) i go from eating so little to binge eating (but when i binge it usually totals out to what i should normally be eating)
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