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We are new and happy to be here !

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We are new and happy to be here !

Postby littleDaria » Fri Aug 25, 2017 11:36 am

***Trigger Warning (sexual abuse, self-harm, PTSD, flashbacks, suicidal ideation)***




HI! We are happy to have found this wonderful forum. We are Daria, Naomi, Pixie, Denis, Aloysius,etc... We are going to let Aloysius speak for us: I am an abuse survivor, which I will not go into for obvious reasons, but suffice it to say, my early childhood and early teen years were nightmarish. There is much of my childhood I don't recall at all; in fact, I am realizing that there are a lot of gaps in my memory in general (I always figured I just had lousy memory). I have recently entered into trauma therapy, which has revealed a great deal, and is likely one of the most challenging things I have ever endeavored to undertake.
As a child I suffered from a great deal of confusion due to amnesiac dissociation. I was often accused of saying or doing things I had no recollection of and you might imagine how distressing that was. I was adopted when I was four, which took me away from abusive parents, but in my early teens a new round of abuse occurred at the hands of two abusers. As a result of this I became dramatically withdrawn and begun cutting. Eventually, this was noticed and I ended up being treated for depression by assorted mental health professionals. Repeated hospitalizations occurred, and have occurred throughout my life. Episodes of suicidal ideation have put me in hospital many times. I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD too, which explains the flashbacks I guess.

***End Trigger warning***

It is only recently that I have learned that I have a dissociative disorder, which was pretty shocking. I had always thought I just had sort of very different mood states or something I guess, and I thought myself pretty absent minded and forgetful. I can't tell you how many times I've been talking with someone and proceeded to ask them questions only to be told I'd asked those same questions before, or they'd ask me about something which I had no recollection of. A common occurrence is finding a book on my bedside table, with a bookmark in it. I pick up the book and realize I don't remember any of it, despite it being clearly bookmarked.
I have been doing a lot of research into things, learning terminology and such, and have been realizing that so much of my past can be explained by dissociation of one kind or another. I am particularly impressed by the theory of structural dissociation, as it seems to illustrate things quite adequately.
I am the dispassionate one, and am sort of a father figure maybe, to my littles. I seem to come out when we are stressed or facing confrontation. One thing I am learning is my ANP's have rather different temperaments and speech patterns, something I hadn't noticed before. My trauma therapist is preternaturally aware of our states; nothing gets by her. She will often stop me to sort to ask, 'who is talking?' I have found myself staring at her in incomprehension, which she notices right away, that I haven't heard (or understood) a word she's said.
To conclude, I feel like I am only now getting to know myself, ourselves. It is both exciting and scary, if that makes any sense.
OSSD, PTSD, ASD The Collective | Host: Daria
Aloysius ?, Pixie ?, Tee 3, Closet Girl 3 1/2, Mouse 5, Ghost ?, Bones 5, Bedroom Girl ?, School Girl ?, Alia 6, Ophelia 8, Marianetta age slider, Willow 10, Kitty 11, Mal 12, Aria 12, Simone 14, Rowan 15, Dennis 16, Naomi 17, The Mocking Voice, Long Armed Monsters
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Re: We are new and happy to be here !

Postby ColouredLeaves » Sat Aug 26, 2017 3:02 am

Hi Aloysius and group. Welcome. I also had a long history of suicidal ideation and hospitalizations before I was properly diagnosed. Now you are on the right path and I'm so happy for you. Sounds like you have a great T. I look forward to seeing you around the forum.
C.
C, 28, f
Heather, 44, gender neutral
Heather Black, 44, gender neutral
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Re: We are new and happy to be here !

Postby littleDaria » Sat Aug 26, 2017 5:38 am

Thank you ColouredLeaves ! Daria: I feel like I have found a home here. I also have a thousand questions. I am also, to be honest, scared. I feel naked, for lack of a better metaphor, for having expressed that I am a multiple. At the same time I feel liberated. Strange?
For most of my life I have never quite felt like I fit in my body. A good deal of that is because I am transgender of course, but there is more to it than just that. I have never felt my biological age, if that makes any sense; Other than Aloysius, nobody else is my biological age, and he is actually older than my biological body. I can't tell you how many times I have been in a group of other adults and felt like somebody was going to suddenly notice the child amongst them.
It has only been recently that I have truly begun to learn about the complexities of dissociation, and wow, there is so much to learn. It's like learning a new language. I first heard the word, 'little' for example late last year, and was astonished to discover I wasn't alone in being little. I thought I was sort of a freak for enjoying things like colouring books and Disney Jr. shows like Doc McStuffins.
I also wondered why I could spend 45 minutes making a meal and then sit down to eat and hate it. That never made sense to me, but I can recall the frustration of seeing what was on my plate and thinking, "I didn't want THAT!"
When I learned what depersonalization / derealization are it was as if here was the perfect definition for how I'd been feeling, so often, for decades. I recall in childhood, floating above my head as some teacher berated me, and wondering why I wasn't feeling anything.
I thought it normal to not remember most of one's childhood or other parts of my life! "Who could remember all that?", I pondered, until I learned my ex-wife could rattle of details of events from, say, grade four.
I should stop rambling on.
OSSD, PTSD, ASD The Collective | Host: Daria
Aloysius ?, Pixie ?, Tee 3, Closet Girl 3 1/2, Mouse 5, Ghost ?, Bones 5, Bedroom Girl ?, School Girl ?, Alia 6, Ophelia 8, Marianetta age slider, Willow 10, Kitty 11, Mal 12, Aria 12, Simone 14, Rowan 15, Dennis 16, Naomi 17, The Mocking Voice, Long Armed Monsters
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Re: We are new and happy to be here !

Postby BeccaBee » Sat Aug 26, 2017 6:02 am

greetings, welcome to the forum
Female, 39
Dx: DID, C-PTSD, TES


We are the Bees

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Re: We are new and happy to be here !

Postby IainEtc » Sat Aug 26, 2017 12:18 pm

Hi littleDaria,

Welcome to the forum. It's been good for us to be here. It's about the only place we can say we're DID. My name's Iain and I'm an alter. It took Host a long time to get comfortable with me writing here because he felt too vulnerable. But it's safe and really helped us with stuff.

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: We are new and happy to be here !

Postby littleDaria » Thu Jun 10, 2021 4:55 am

it's been quite a while since we posted here, wow. lots of stuff has happened. going to try to catch up a little.
OSSD, PTSD, ASD The Collective | Host: Daria
Aloysius ?, Pixie ?, Tee 3, Closet Girl 3 1/2, Mouse 5, Ghost ?, Bones 5, Bedroom Girl ?, School Girl ?, Alia 6, Ophelia 8, Marianetta age slider, Willow 10, Kitty 11, Mal 12, Aria 12, Simone 14, Rowan 15, Dennis 16, Naomi 17, The Mocking Voice, Long Armed Monsters
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Re: We are new and happy to be here !

Postby Truly_happy » Thu Jun 10, 2021 8:39 pm

Welcome back, guys. :) We just recently returned, too.

- Marcella
We are the Neighborhood, a DID system of over 30 people.
Hosts:
Imre ("EEM-ruh") - male, 20s, compassionate
Cullen - male, 13, loves life
Marcella - female, 30s, visionary

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Re: We are new and happy to be here !

Postby littleDaria » Fri Jun 11, 2021 12:10 am

have had several if not many challenges in the past few months. we've developed agoraphobia so have been working on it.
OSSD, PTSD, ASD The Collective | Host: Daria
Aloysius ?, Pixie ?, Tee 3, Closet Girl 3 1/2, Mouse 5, Ghost ?, Bones 5, Bedroom Girl ?, School Girl ?, Alia 6, Ophelia 8, Marianetta age slider, Willow 10, Kitty 11, Mal 12, Aria 12, Simone 14, Rowan 15, Dennis 16, Naomi 17, The Mocking Voice, Long Armed Monsters
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