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keep on keeping on

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Re: keep on keeping on

Postby MakersDozn » Fri Mar 08, 2019 4:13 pm

birdsong87 wrote:
for us it was more than a distraction. we were bullied in school too. it is not safe for a kid to just stand around during breaks and do nothing. it's like yelling "pick on me".

Asti with Annett


Oh, man, this is us. :|

We didn't have the option to go to the library. Not until high school. And then it was too late, because even though the bullying had stopped, we were already firmly entrenched in an ongoing trauma pattern.

Charity and others
Multiple. Self-dxed 1996. Body 57f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), + a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

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Re: keep on keeping on

Postby birdsong87 » Fri Mar 08, 2019 9:14 pm

no fun.
we only survived that time because D is hard as a diamond
I am sorry you know that too.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
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Re: keep on keeping on

Postby MakersDozn » Fri Mar 08, 2019 9:57 pm

Thanks, Asti. At least I've been able to reframe how I see learning. It's not a coping mechanism any more, but something that I legitimately enjoy. As do a number of our others. It's why we ended up needing 12 cartons for books when we moved. :)

Mary and others
Multiple. Self-dxed 1996. Body 57f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), + a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Frequent: Charity (25), Mary (23), Laura (17.5), Allegra (17), Cass (17)
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Re: keep on keeping on

Postby birdsong87 » Sun Mar 10, 2019 9:13 pm

is it ok to be a nerd?

I talked with the T and she said things about not hiding who I am. and how I want to have a life if all I do is try not to stand out.
because let's face it, I open my mouth and I stand out. all the time.
no therapy group where I am not the weird person who is way too brilliant.
no discussion where I don't get caught saying something extraordinarily clever.
at the same time... I am blunt at times because I get impatient with peoples emotions.
and I am more head than heart. and I most certainly know more entertaining things than engaging with people.
I looked at the criteria for ASD and I think I might still be too good at reading people and it doesn't seem the effort described for aspie girls. It is not all artificial. I am very coordinated too and good at reciprocity in conversation.
so it all comes down to me just being a nerd, with my way of thinking slightly different from other people.
and a certain degree of sensory processing disorder, especially with sounds, tactile stimulation and lights.
I think it is on the edge to aspergers. enough so that I understand what they experience to some degree. probably not enough for a dx. especially not as just one part of a system.

so it all comes down to the question if it is ok that I am nerdy and a little different and if there is room for that. and how bad our life will get if I am more like myself and less pretending to be L.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
birdsong87
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Re: keep on keeping on

Postby birdsong87 » Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:16 pm

we are trying to deal with our fear of money.
the T said to learn the rules of peace and the rules of war, so we can tell them apart. war means the rules during trauma time.
because we are on disability it gets more complicated because we are not really living in peace and under the rules of peace. we are living under the rules of poverty.
we figured out the rules of peace. Danielle is extremely good with money things and she explained interesting things about saving and investing. I didn't know we knew that stuff!!
I think that if we had a job that paid more than minimum we would be really good with the money things.
we still have to take a careful look at the rules about gift giving. the Littles felt insecure about that.
just that, looking at some today stuff, was very draining. something broke in our kitchen and we suddenly felt overwhelmed by the whole situation.
today I took a big step and bought us a birthday present that we've been wanting for more than a year. it doesn't feel good.
next week the money topics will continue.
we will meet with an organisation that helps to fill out applications for a certain fund. they support abused people with finances for their therapy. so we could do the SE and not worry. it takes forever til it is processed, so this is a long-term thing. it includes a questionaire that asks pretty detailed questions about abuse and abusers and times and places. even just looking thru it was extremely stressful. and triggered some of the abuser-loyal girls who want to protect family, insisting that what happened wasn't bad at all. it will be super challenging.
and then we meet with a friend to set up a fund-raising thing for us and the blog. the only legal way we can be supported. more money topics.
We are still on top of things but I can see that the next week will be stretching. we are never sure how much of the therapy homework will move us forward and make it easier and when to stop because it would just pull up too much and kick us off balance. we are taking one day at a time.
Asti is feeling more of the exhaustion.
it doesn' feel hard, it is just a challenging balancing act we are performing here.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
birdsong87
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