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Need Support

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Re: Need Support

Postby MakersDozn » Thu Apr 12, 2018 3:58 am

Thanks, BeccaBee and Menagerie.

MDs
Multiple. Body 56f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles/tweens (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), and a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Frequent: Charity (25), Mary (23), Laura (17.5), Allegra (17), Cass (17)
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Re: Need Support

Postby birdsong87 » Thu Apr 12, 2018 10:05 am

yay, so glad for you.
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Re: Need Support

Postby VioletFlux » Thu Apr 12, 2018 10:11 am

Congrats MDs!

Older places can have their issues, but they have lots of character!

-V2
Violet aka V1 (22, host); Violet aka V2 (16, 2nd host); Rebecca (∞, internal helper);
Mike (35, protector); Charlie / Charles-Henry (12/24, persecutor);
Melissa (7); Arin (6); Stephanie (previous host, dormant); et al. Body: 48f;
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.
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Re: Need Support

Postby MakersDozn » Thu Apr 12, 2018 4:26 pm

Well, it was built in 1960, so it doesn't have much character. :-P

We've always been kind of amused at how popular mid-century architecture and decor are today. We were born in that era and lived through it. IMNSHO, it was ugly then, and it's ugly now.

Shrug.

Thanks,

Laura and others

-- Thu Apr 12, 2018 11:27 am --

Thanks, L.

Allegra and others
Multiple. Body 56f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles/tweens (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), and a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Frequent: Charity (25), Mary (23), Laura (17.5), Allegra (17), Cass (17)
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Re: Need Support

Postby MakersDozn » Sun Apr 15, 2018 11:57 pm

We get stuck in dysfunction and just sit there helplessly doing nothing. We just sit in the feelings and do nothing, because we don't want to be the one(s) taking care of ourselves like an adult. We don't want to do the things that an adult has to do.

We want somebody to take care of us.

MDs :(
Multiple. Body 56f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles/tweens (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), and a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

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Re: Need Support

Postby Menagerie » Mon Apr 16, 2018 2:52 am

MakersDozn wrote:We get stuck in dysfunction and just sit there helplessly doing nothing. We just sit in the feelings and do nothing, because we don't want to be the one(s) taking care of ourselves like an adult. We don't want to do the things that an adult has to do.

We want somebody to take care of us.

MDs :(

I can totally relate. Never had this; really really want it badly. I also have a strong desire to be rescued sometimes. I hear you.
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Re: Need Support

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Mon Apr 16, 2018 2:58 am

Do you have a practical, lets-get-this-done part who likes to have a to-do list and buzz through it?

You seem to accomplish many adult things that I've never handled by myself, like real estate transactions and managing your own finances, for example. So clearly you are doing the things that an adult has to do.

I think that most people spend a good portion of their time doing things that they don't want to do, but that just need to be done. But it sounds like this feeling that you're supposed to want to do those things is very strong for you.

If someone suddenly appeared whose purpose was to take care of you, what would you have them do for you? There are so many ways to be taken care of--I know if someone is there for me emotionally, then doing difficult and responsible things that I don't want to do becomes a little easier. Or do you want someone to just do all those things for you?

I'm just tossing out whatever thoughts come to mind, so just disregard all of this if it's unhelpful. Your post really made me think because I have kind of the opposite issue. I have had someone to take care of me, and because of that, there are ways that I've avoided adult responsibilities. I'm really not sure how or if I would manage navigating adult life on my own.
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Re: Need Support

Postby birdsong87 » Mon Apr 16, 2018 12:22 pm

our littles can identify. seems like we split into the extremes of those wanting care and those who are scared to death by it.
just curious, if you could find someone to take care of you, could you receive it? and how would that influence your life?
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host); Mike (caregiver); Asti (co-host, achiever); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Thamara (child); Danielle; and others
our blog on resources: www.dis-sos.com
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Re: Need Support

Postby MakersDozn » Mon Apr 16, 2018 5:25 pm

Thank you, Menagerie, Gang (your assesment is spot-on, Allegra says), and L.

As for "if someone suddenly appeared,"....well, we don't know. The bottom line is that the reality of the outside is very different from the magical thinking that created our innerworld. We miss the feeling of safety and disengagement that the innerworld provided.

There's so much raw emotional pain within us, and we're stuck in those feelings because we haven't found the outside support to nurture us enough to process those feelings from an emotional standpoint. Nature abhors a vacuum. We need good feelings to take the place of the painful ones, and we have nobody other than our T to help us create those good feelings.

Last night we emailed a good friend who used to work with us. She's one of the few 3D friends who know that we're multiple. We arranged to speak by phone tomorrow evening and catch up. I really hope it helps.

One last thing. I'm strongly conflicted about the fact that the five adults in our system (Deborah, Drew, Mary, Rachel, and me) have the most difficulty in dealing with external reality and the responsibilities that come with it. It adds so many layers and complexities to our difficulty in healing.

I appreciate talking with all of you about this and would like to continue. Thanks again.

Charity
Multiple. Body 56f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 females, five males; 17 littles (7+under), nine middles/tweens (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), five bigs (18+older), and a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Frequent: Charity (25), Mary (23), Laura (17.5), Allegra (17), Cass (17)
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Re: Need Support

Postby SamsLand » Tue Apr 17, 2018 2:34 am

I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way.

but sometimes I feel like the "good feelings" that come from others to take place of the painful ones are just window dressing. That you say you have only the Ts but yet those (for us) seem to be the only ones that can replace the pain. I am dying to figure out why we think that but I think it is because the T knows why. Good feelings from others are very very helpful but don't have the same impact.

do you have to avoid the safety and disengagement of your inner world. Many of our parts embrace it. It's really all they have sometimes. I am wondering why you think it is bad.

Reality is a b*tch even for singletons. I am not sure we should fully embrace it. It is disturbing and terrifying to be honest.

I can understand however if you have adult parts that don't' want to deal with reality. That can be frustrating and often we/you end up parentifying a little. Can they do it in spurts - e.g. if you do this (in the real world) you can go back to your more preferred activity in the inner world?

I don't want to be a downer but I think some of that raw emotional pain is just there. I am not convinced we can resolve or move past the feelings of some things. There were extremely hurtful and damaging things done to you. IF there is everlasting love, there can be everlasting pain, dealt with with different intensities at any given moment. How we approach it is - are we going to give it the power to disrupt our lives - disrupt our relationship with our kids- even disrupt our days? Sometimes we have no control but we choose to empower each other to say " you have done enough damage, you aren't taking any more from me". There are still moments of suffering but there are also moment of kicking it to the curb.

thinking of you MDs.
keep ya head up, Don't let up, keep slayin em
-eminem

not sure what the point was.
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