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Persons with DID supporting each other

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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby Johnny-Jack » Tue Nov 15, 2016 3:15 am

Three and a half years later, we've become a family. Even though there are technically just two of us, it's a really large family. Early on Nic's littles began referring to me as daddy, tentatively at first, and his older guys followed with dad. I've been referring to him as my son for a long time too. It is who we are, what we've become.

Within months I made Nic the beneficiary of my life insurance but I also want to make sure he gets the home and everything if anything happens to me and a simple will didn't feel so dependable. So we have a court date this month for me to adopt him legally. It really just makes sense at this point but it also means something special for people whose lives have been wrecked by our biological family. His relatives don't know and won't be told about this. One sister of mine knows.

It's weird to look back and remember I had never actually spoken to him on the phone before he arrived. I've told our story to several people and some have even pondered adopting a young adult themselves. As tough as it's been at times, I recommend it!
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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby iZombie » Tue Nov 15, 2016 8:35 am

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby birdsong87 » Tue Nov 15, 2016 10:12 am

thank you for sharing.
this is very touching and very encouraging.
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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby BeccaBee » Tue Nov 15, 2016 11:14 am

I can really relate to your OP. it is so hard to do everything when working for the man. having a partner makes things easier. I think so many people might have an unconscious bias that the only acceptable partner is a romantic one. while I see that there are many layers and kinds of bonds that could be a partnership.

I am glad that you have found each other.

I do not think I am capable of healthy romantic attachment, but it would be nice to have a home partner while I work or vice versa. it is exhausting doing everything yourself.
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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby Una+ » Tue Nov 15, 2016 4:29 pm

Johnny-Jack and Nic, I am so happy for you all!

If anyone reading this is thinking it might be all a made up story, it isn't. I met Johnny-Jack, several of his inner family, in person long before Nic came on the DID Forum. Johnny-Jack discussed with me having Nic come to live with him, and I was supportive. Later, I spent a few days with both of them.

They are a good match. I could not live with Nic. Nic is rather florid and C popping out triggers me into an emergency switch. I really don't tolerate that well; for me switching like that is associated with life threat situations, so it is extremely aversive. But Johnny-Jack is remarkably comfortable switching, so can ride with it. He is smooth! I don't mean to suggest he likes being triggered, just that he tolerates it much better than I do.

Good job you guys.
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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby Team78 » Wed Nov 16, 2016 2:07 am

Kudos to you Johnny Jack!
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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby elemenopea » Thu Nov 17, 2016 2:51 am

how beautiful! :D <3
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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby snailgirl » Fri Nov 18, 2016 2:55 pm

Thanks for sharing, very good and encouraging for us to hear. :D

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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby Johnny-Jack » Sun Dec 04, 2016 9:13 pm

Thanks everyone for the kind words and thoughts. And of course Una, especially since you spent time with Nic, thanks for yours too! Nic and I have both developed a high tolerance for switching and a much greater tolerance for being triggered. Actually Nic switches an average of maybe 50 switches a day, almost all cooperative so he's probably moved beyond tolerance.

There has been positive movement for both of us since the adoption became official. Reading the legal words "final and irrevocable" on the document kind of got through to both of us. For me, it was a clear indication that I am no longer alone. Of course neither of us have been alone since Nic got here, we've spent an inordinate amount of time with each other, an unsustainable amount really, and we're trying to create more independent lives.

For Nic, it is becoming more clear to all that his birth parents have no legal control over him whatsoever, they are legally no longer connected to him, that he is truly free. If he were to want to interact with them, he probably will again, that's entirely his choice. He controls every moment of that. I pointed out that if he were in an accident and needed someone to help him regain his health, his family would now have no legal right to step in. His littles may need the security and finality of separation even more. His mother used to kick him out of his home even when he was quite young and that fear has never really left him in our home here, though the legal adoption is helping.

After you get to know people you work with, you usually learn about their life outside of work and that sharing is important. I can't tell you how many times I've heard comments like "I guess I don't really know that much about you" even though I've known someone for a decade or more. I'm more comfortable talking about my private life now because dad-son is so much more relatable, "normal" than "guy I asked to move into my home because he had a rough childhood" or some such. As a consequence, people at work are starting to say things along the lines of "well, you know what it's like, being a dad."

I know people who live by themselves and seem quite content with that but that's never felt natural for me/us. Having a family to care about and come home to is awesome. The fact that it's several young adults and a lot of wonderful little boys and girls of various ages, that's just icing on the cake.

I hate to end this on a dark note but I need to mention what Nic and I both managed to avoid. He thought about suicide too much for someone so young. He was looking at possible homelessness, with no resources, no connections, no one to help him, and no clue about how to do well in life.

For me suicidal thoughts were even more constant. For decades, I had thought about ending my life almost every day. I had formulated plans more than once. In fact, my system only moved away from the constant suicidal ideation maybe a year ago. It was largely due to the fact that our system, which will not condone being cruel to another person, especially a child, finally admitted that our suicide, no matter how carried out, would devastate Nic and his littles. So all of us who were involved came to agree it was simply no longer an option. We needed to work our thinking away from suicide as a possibility and it's clear now that that happened over time.
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Re: Persons with DID supporting each other

Postby crackerjack » Tue Dec 06, 2016 1:46 am

This is absolutely outstanding ~ I just LOVE what you've managed to accomplish!

I also love that it has even had such an impact as to reduce your suicidality... that is truly significant. Thank you for sharing that, as it gives me hope for my own future.

I can only assume that some people have posted sad-face ( :cry: ) because they long for such support themselves...

I wish that I had a DID friend as a support person, but I can't find a support group in my area.
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