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How are you today thread (trigger warning)

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Sep 23, 2021 6:09 am

We are very sensitive to the light changes lately, with the cold and dark half of the year approaching. We are also exhausted by the many phone calls and appointment which are part of the pre-surgery preparation.

We have also started to look for informations regarding the next surgeries we are planning. We want to find as many informations as possible regarding the different surgeons as well as the quality of their work. We have heard that some surgeons are more talented than others and we want to take our time deciding who will work on us. We also want to have the possibility to discuss with the surgeon about the different options they offer (transition surgeries can have a lot of different "options" and "mix and match" possibilities downstairs, allowing different people to pick what makes them more comfortable depending on their own needs).

I have been skipping the integration body therapy lately and it shows. But I need some break from it. Being reconnected to some areas of the past is difficult enough for me as it is. I will see with the T (we have an appointment with her today) if she can give me more mindfulness exercices and less integration exercices for a month or two, time for me to recover from the first stages of integration. Being fully connected to the here and now is exhausting but it helps a lot to function better. We need some rest though, for a little while.

A lot of things start to make more and more sense in our daily life. It starts to be a little bit more than what I can handle right now. Mindfullness exercices might be helpful for this, to help me gather more "brain power" to face the "here and now", without connecting too much of the past for now.

October will be a more quiet month, I will take this time to find my balance again, get organized again, but most importantly, rest. I also turned on again the "go to bed" alarm on the phone. I thought that the habit would help me be reasonable on the bed-time without an alarm yet it turns out that, it did not help on the long run. I really need an alarm to remind myself to go to bed at a reasonable hour.

Life is a constant adjustment to our ever-changing needs.
__
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby YunaTheSummoner » Sat Sep 25, 2021 9:45 am

I feel very sensitive to light changes.The eyes have been very itchy this week I'm not sure why as it hasn't been hot here all week...quite cool and cloudy most of the week.

I hope your surgery goes well @ArbreMonde.

On the memory games where you turn over matching cards I've gone from not being able to remember any before the cards turned over to being able to remember the locations of around 3 pairs. On the remembering light sequences (remember the 'Simon' game from years ago??) I have got up to remembering 12-15 lights in a row..it seems to depends how often the same colour is pressed and whether the next colour is immediately next to it or not.

Daily living...I've mastered the order to get dressed in without having to follow a checklist, but still need the checklist for making a meal and remembering to tidy up and do other jobs. It's now a month since the stroke.

I still don't know all the body's past internet ID's. Juno and I found an old laptop whilst sorting clothes but the screen is very cracked and it won't start up despite being on charge all week. We wondered if there was more detailed journal on there documenting screen-names, passwords and any other email addresses we haven't discovered yet, but we don't know how to get it to start up as its surely had enough power now?? but will not start up! :shock: I'm guessing I wasn't the tech savvy alter! Neither it seems is Juno!
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Sep 25, 2021 10:43 am

Congratulations on your progresses regarding memory issues!

I hope you will remember the passwords etc. when they will be needed. It can be annoying to be locked out of one's own account. (We switched to a password manager so now we can use super secure passwords, and only have to remember the one for the manager.)

We made tremendous progress in how David and Pride (respectively our trauma-denying ANP and traumatized Little) interact. They are finding a way to coexist without neither deny nor remember the traumas. We feel more at peace today thanks to this.

10 days before the surgery. We just cannot wait!
__
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Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby gremandco » Sat Sep 25, 2021 7:36 pm

YunaTheSummoner wrote:I still don't know all the body's past internet ID's. Juno and I found an old laptop whilst sorting clothes but the screen is very cracked and it won't start up despite being on charge all week. We wondered if there was more detailed journal on there documenting screen-names, passwords and any other email addresses we haven't discovered yet, but we don't know how to get it to start up as its surely had enough power now?? but will not start up! :shock: I'm guessing I wasn't the tech savvy alter! Neither it seems is Juno!


if you’re struggling with figuring out why the laptop won’t start, it may be because it was dropped (that may be a reason why the screen is cracked), and it may be broken. you might need a new one. however if certain parts of the laptop are not damaged, you can still get all of the information you need off of it. i would suggest asking a friend or someone you know to help you find a tech shop to take the laptop to so you can have it looked at and figure out if it can be fixed, or if you need to take the information off of the laptop and buy a new one and have them put the old information onto the new laptop.

hope that helps.

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby YunaTheSummoner » Mon Sep 27, 2021 10:19 am

gremandco wrote:
if you’re struggling with figuring out why the laptop won’t start, it may be because it was dropped (that may be a reason why the screen is cracked), and it may be broken. you might need a new one. however if certain parts of the laptop are not damaged, you can still get all of the information you need off of it. i would suggest asking a friend or someone you know to help you find a tech shop to take the laptop to so you can have it looked at and figure out if it can be fixed, or if you need to take the information off of the laptop and buy a new one and have them put the old information onto the new laptop.

hope that helps.

kat


Hi

Good idea. Though we live quite rurally (some distance from a city and can't drive). Getting fuel is an issue here right now and family have to make sure they have enough to get to work all week and pick up food.

I've put it to one side for now until I can find somewhere family may pass on the way to work so it's not too far out of their way.

Juno is worried as we don't know what tabs were left open or if there was a journal and it was left open, so others could read it...what if they nobody else knew about 'them'? ..and the repair person got it up and running then family were able to read it before giving it back???

In the meantime because the waiting list is so long for physio and speech therapy family have found us private help... a lady who is a retired stroke nurse, she had been asked to come out of retirement in the first lockdown to home visit CEV patients so more recently trained staff (with emergency resus training) could go help on the wards when covid cases were very high here.

Family have paid her just to visit and see if she can give me any exercises that I can be doing that may help (memory, walking, speech) as we've been told if (covid) cases shoot up again I won't get rehab before this xmas as there are others that have already been waiting up to 6 months (who had their strokes during the previous lockdowns).


So now I'm crossing my fingers she managed to get enough fuel to be able to get here for my appointment Wednesday. (as we are 'out in the sticks')

So many people panic bought last week the stroke group was full of posts from people whose carers had told them they couldn't get to them as they'd been to 3-4 stations trying to get enough fuel to reach all their patients and some were closed or they hadn't managed to get enough to reach everybody! :(

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Sep 29, 2021 8:29 am

We are super annoyed.

The package a friend sent us is noted as "in the mailbox" by the post office since monday, and still nothing in the mailbox.

We might have had a "brain fart" but we think we noticed the mailbox was unlocked yesterday when we checked it?

There are nasty teenagers in the building, they have spat on our door before, thrown garbage on our balcony and in our mailbox... It would not surprise me that they stole the package. Which would be very problematic, not only because it contains things important for us, but also because the friend knows we are DID and filled the care-package with letters and small items for all of us. Anyone opening it would understand in less than a minute that we are DID.

We do not need this. Oh gosh I hope it is a mistake in the "in the mailbox" announcement.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Sep 29, 2021 3:04 pm

UPDATE: we managed to come into contact with the post office and the mailperson who delivered the parcel into our mailbox. He clearly remembers to deliver the parcel to us since he did not have a lot of mail to deliver this morning, and we have an unusual name.

Which means that the parcel is not lost somewhere at the post office, but has been stolen by a neighbor.

Which means that now, at least one neighbors knows that we are DID. As if we were not vulnerable enough.

This is painful.
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Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby YunaTheSummoner » Thu Sep 30, 2021 8:00 am

ArbreMonde wrote:UPDATE: we managed to come into contact with the post office and the mailperson who delivered the parcel into our mailbox. He clearly remembers to deliver the parcel to us since he did not have a lot of mail to deliver this morning, and we have an unusual name.

Which means that the parcel is not lost somewhere at the post office, but has been stolen by a neighbor.

Which means that now, at least one neighbors knows that we are DID. As if we were not vulnerable enough.

This is painful.
__
David.



This is awful for you :cry: Do your flats have CCTV so you can ask them to look who removed your parcel after it was delivered??

Also it is exactly why I am being so wary of telling people on the outside and really need to know if close family already knows or suspects without telling them if they didn't know! which is why its annoying I can't remember or connect to that information.

The lady did manage to get here yesterday so I at least have a list of therapy exercises and games to be doing over this winter.

I feel complete in myself that I can remember aspects of earlier life when I know that 'I' as a social front/ANP was not yet created. (I'm the one that changed the legal name in our late teens) but yet I feel I am now the whole name and not just the nickname I added if that makes any sense? ...but yet we cannot be fully joined as one because Juno is still seperate? ...and the spirit guide and protector were experienced as 'seperate beings' straight after the stroke...so I don't understand why I can still see or feel them, remember things that were not part of my initial time 'fronting' but not remember who the others were or if they had their own nicknames or we just all answered to the legal name and no-one has ever realised?? :oops: Maybe it will come back in time???

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Thu Sep 30, 2021 9:44 am

YunaTheSummoner wrote:Do your flats have CCTV so you can ask them to look who removed your parcel after it was delivered??


It doesnt. But we have seen more than once the teenagers of the buiding temper with the mailboxes and trying to open them all. All mailboxes have marks of having been forced or tried to be forced open.

YunaTheSummoner wrote:I feel complete in myself that I can remember aspects of earlier life when I know that 'I' as a social front/ANP was not yet created. (I'm the one that changed the legal name in our late teens) but yet I feel I am now the whole name and not just the nickname I added if that makes any sense? ...but yet we cannot be fully joined as one because Juno is still seperate? ...and the spirit guide and protector were experienced as 'seperate beings' straight after the stroke...so I don't understand why I can still see or feel them, remember things that were not part of my initial time 'fronting' but not remember who the others were or if they had their own nicknames or we just all answered to the legal name and no-one has ever realised?? :oops: Maybe it will come back in time???


Yeah, dissociation can be confusing. The amnesia is far from being "the memory is perfectly compartimentalized between different alters". Some alters can remember that stuff happened, without having the "full picture" (such as, knowing "bad stuff happened" but NOT carrying the traumatic aspects of the memory). Moreover, the memory can come and go when dissociated. Add a stroke to the mix and of course the confusion is high.

The identity of the alter, and which alter feels more strongly "me" than the others, can also evolve through time. We also experienced that the "content" of an alter evolved and changed through time without their identity changing. And the other way around too. And both together too.

These things change and evolve as the whole system changes and evolves with time. And yes it is confusing.

Good luck on the stroke recovery!
__
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby spinningtops » Fri Oct 01, 2021 8:17 am

ArbreMonde I am very sorry! That sounds awful. i had someone do something where they delivered the gross bag at the doorstep and it was very upsetting and i had wondered if someone specifically disliked me or if it was a generic prank. i decided it was generic prank that they'd do to anyone, but it was really upsetting for me anyways.
This is a huge invasion of your property and not to mention against the law. i would consider setting up a camera if someone tries this again? So this can stop.. cause if they did this once..then they could do that again?
One thing is there has been mail theft where i live, but it's probably more to try to get things to sell back. And so my family tries to get any packages inside ASAP for that reason. So that could be a possibility to, if so then they maybe wouldn't care or take the time to really read it?

-- Fri Oct 01, 2021 12:20 am --

not feeling very well today, am feeling emotional, and i don't like it. i have been asking for attention from my spouse but he's been very indifferent and i don't know what to do with myself. But am gonna try not to think about it and find other things to do. I did that earlier today and it was fine but a little came out and totally our protocol to not be around him went out the window, but then he just rejected the little one too. sad. hopefully will feel better soon..
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