Our partner

How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Dissociative Identity Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: Snaga, NewSunRising, lilyfairy

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed Aug 04, 2021 3:50 am

Good to hear from you, Amythyst! I’ve been wondering how you guys were doing. It’s nice to have an update. I’m sorry things are still so hard. Guess that’s par for the course.

We’re not doing very well right now. There’s a lot of hopelessness.
TheGangsAllHere
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 4250
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 4:15 am
Local time: Sun Sep 26, 2021 8:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby littleDaria » Thu Aug 05, 2021 11:47 am

are we broken because of what happened to us or was our being broken the reason for what happened to us?
OSSD, PTSD, ASD The Collective | Host: Daria
Aloysius ?, Pixie ?, Tee 3, Closet Girl 3 1/2, Mouse 5, Ghost ?, Bones 5, Bedroom Girl ?, School Girl ?, Alia 6, Ophelia 8, Marianetta age slider, Willow 10, Kitty 11, Mal 12, Aria 12, Simone 14, Rowan 15, Dennis 16, Naomi 17, The Mocking Voice, Long Armed Monsters
User avatar
littleDaria
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 889
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 7:19 am
Local time: Sun Sep 26, 2021 11:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby littleDaria » Fri Aug 06, 2021 3:36 am

um, sorry, was not in a good place.

- - - - -

we went through a scrapbook our mother made some years ago. we discovered about a dozen photos that very clearly demonstrate we were NOT a happy child.

this was in no way an easy exercise, but we did it for the exact purpose of looking for trauma in our photographic history, having heard of similar personal discoveries before.

a few of the photos we found shook us particularly profoundly, photos of us next to our twin brother. in these photos his face is free of care, his eyes shining with happiness. we, however, are not.

we could use many words to describe what we felt we saw in our eyes; fear, sorrow, loneliness, suspicion, wariness, veiled anger.
OSSD, PTSD, ASD The Collective | Host: Daria
Aloysius ?, Pixie ?, Tee 3, Closet Girl 3 1/2, Mouse 5, Ghost ?, Bones 5, Bedroom Girl ?, School Girl ?, Alia 6, Ophelia 8, Marianetta age slider, Willow 10, Kitty 11, Mal 12, Aria 12, Simone 14, Rowan 15, Dennis 16, Naomi 17, The Mocking Voice, Long Armed Monsters
User avatar
littleDaria
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 889
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 7:19 am
Local time: Sun Sep 26, 2021 11:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Aug 06, 2021 6:06 am

I totally understand what you are feeling, little Daria! We used to feel the same.

Then we started reading more about the attachment theories of dissociation as well as the "people do not dissociate into DID, they lack the integration into one only identity and remain dissociative through life".

So now we prefer to use the puzzle metaphor.

Everybody starts as a puzzle mixed in a box. People who grow in nurturing environment "integrate" well which means they learn how to put the puzzle pieces together. So when the reach pre-teen age, their puzzle is mostly put together and they have a good idea of what the whole picture looks like.

DID people never learnt to put the pieces together so their "inner puzzle" is used as different separate pieces. Sometimes a few work together because hey, lucky me, I shook the box until two pieces fit together! But that's about it.

So each puzzle piece or pile of puzzle pices of ill-fitted-by-chance puzzle pieces function more or less independently.

And that's DID.

Not "broken" but rather "in need for some long work to fit the pieces together".

Hope it helps!
__
Zami.
Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion & trauma holder)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 978
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 27, 2021 4:54 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby littleDaria » Fri Aug 06, 2021 11:59 am

thank you! we struggle with worth frequently.

things have been very challenging lately, our therapist says she feels we are close to a "new layer" in our process, which has been destabilizing.

- - - - -

yesterday was really really strange. for some reason we found the energy to do quite a bit of housecleaning and did some redecorating in our living room. we spent much of the day doing this. we also ate a snack and a sandwich. oddly, the day began poorly, as we felt very fragile and vulnerable.

- - - - -

we had a very unusual episode during which someone was extremely distraught.

she, a very young little, was also clearly beyond desperate for their mommy. we found ourselves rocking almost violently, our head down, sobbing, struggling to take a breath, uttering, "mommy! mommy! mommy!" in a gasping pleading voice. we may have screamed, it's hard to tell.

wherever we were it most certainly wasn't here. beneath us it felt hard, like sitting on a thin carpet. though our eyes were closed there was a sense of overwhelming enormous space around us which felt dizzyingly terrifying.

eventually we came out of it and was astonished because we cannot remember anything this primal and profoundly transformative happening recently.

we have NO idea who this is, and though Daria later tried to talk to them, Daria got no response.

at least we have some idea of what triggered it. we'd been watching a cartoon on pbs and a character said, "I need my mommy." then, in an instant, we had switched.
OSSD, PTSD, ASD The Collective | Host: Daria
Aloysius ?, Pixie ?, Tee 3, Closet Girl 3 1/2, Mouse 5, Ghost ?, Bones 5, Bedroom Girl ?, School Girl ?, Alia 6, Ophelia 8, Marianetta age slider, Willow 10, Kitty 11, Mal 12, Aria 12, Simone 14, Rowan 15, Dennis 16, Naomi 17, The Mocking Voice, Long Armed Monsters
User avatar
littleDaria
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 889
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 7:19 am
Local time: Sun Sep 26, 2021 11:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Fri Aug 06, 2021 3:42 pm

Well, what can I say appart from welcome new little one! And I am sure that you will find a new, comforting, kind, perfect mommy (or mother figure) among your system mates. Maybe even more than one!

You are safe now, little one. The bad time is over. You will recieve help from your system starting now.
__
G/Hosties.
Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion & trauma holder)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 978
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 27, 2021 4:54 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby littleDaria » Sat Aug 07, 2021 1:28 am

the new little made a thankfully brief appearance earlier today but wasn't as distraught. her name might be Opal because we heard the word on TV and we immediately became excited and almost giddy (?) and made a strange gesture repeatedly, making a kind of excited noise.

- - - - -

it has occurred to us why, and more importantly, WHO, has been cleaning, rearranging and redecorating our apartment.

we found out it was Rowan and what her motives are. her ultimate goal is to make our apartment presentable enough to bring someone home to have sex with.

how are we supposed to deal with this?
OSSD, PTSD, ASD The Collective | Host: Daria
Aloysius ?, Pixie ?, Tee 3, Closet Girl 3 1/2, Mouse 5, Ghost ?, Bones 5, Bedroom Girl ?, School Girl ?, Alia 6, Ophelia 8, Marianetta age slider, Willow 10, Kitty 11, Mal 12, Aria 12, Simone 14, Rowan 15, Dennis 16, Naomi 17, The Mocking Voice, Long Armed Monsters
User avatar
littleDaria
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 889
Joined: Fri Aug 25, 2017 7:19 am
Local time: Sun Sep 26, 2021 11:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Aug 07, 2021 7:06 am

Well, the positive thing is that the appartment is neat.

Now, you might need to discuss all of you together to see if it is a good idea to have some sexy time with a stranger, how to make it safe, how to make sure it is safe for all of you, make sure all of you are comfortable, and if not all of you are comfortable with it, find alternative solutions (e.g. in adult stores as an example...)

Good luck and I hope you manage to discuss among all of you (and maybe the help of your T if you have one) how to find the right solution for the situation at hand!

***

AS FOR US!!!

We are super anxious about our upcoming chest surgery (transition surgery). Not because of the results, not because of having to go under general anesthesia (even though that would be stressful enough) but because we are socially isolated. We know there are friends we could call over in case of emergency but we have absolutely no way of knowing for sure that they WILL be available to come over in case of emergency. URGH.

(Follow-up and full story here: post2288215.html#p2288215 )
__
G/Hosties.
Key: ♂ he/him | ♀ she/her | ɸ they/them

Social: Zamiel ɸ (complex fusion & trauma holder)
Self-care: David ♂
Managers: The Mirror ♂ (inner self-helper) - Isaïa ♂ ("trauma-sitter") - Theia ♀ (gatekeeper)
Trauma holders: Pride|Wrath ♂ - Lust ♀ - Reyna ♀ - Ulysses ɸ

Journey thread
User avatar
ArbreMonde
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 978
Joined: Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:28 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 27, 2021 4:54 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby gremandco » Sat Aug 07, 2021 1:29 pm

its been a weird one.

grem did his first commission and got 55 dollars for it after finally managing to open up a bank account after like months. which is cool because now we have around like 60-70 dollars total i think. its not really a lot but we dont have any job other than this so. its also one of the first times weve had complete and total control over our money. our mother is extremely controlling with things like that and refuses to let us get a job but she cant really complain about us doing commissions on our own and getting money like that. first thing we bought was a package of infinity cubes (currently our favorite fidget toy) off of amazon.

other than that i havent really slept and its very irritating that im having trouble trying to sleep right now. i also realized that i share one more thing in common with our step father and it kind of kills me inside because i really dont like that guy. hes caused us enough trauma and i dont want to be like him. but i guess thats the way the news goes sometimes. whatever.

side question unrelated to anything else: does anyone else get the feeling that theyre being watched? not by someone outside but by someone in your system?

-kat
name: manytown
age: 18
pronouns: he/they
member count: 60+ known (6/25/21)
frequent fronters: grem/fragments (18), teef (40), D (adult), kat (16)
introduction thread blog journal
User avatar
gremandco
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2021 2:38 am
Local time: Sun Sep 26, 2021 9:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby gremandco » Wed Aug 11, 2021 1:05 pm

well today ive found a new alter so thats fun. dunno how long shes been here. no idea if shes adjusting well. she just watched me struggle for 20 minutes to put in contacts and ###$ with our hair without saying anything.

its been a day.

-kat
name: manytown
age: 18
pronouns: he/they
member count: 60+ known (6/25/21)
frequent fronters: grem/fragments (18), teef (40), D (adult), kat (16)
introduction thread blog journal
User avatar
gremandco
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Jun 22, 2021 2:38 am
Local time: Sun Sep 26, 2021 9:54 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

PreviousNext

Return to Dissociative Identity Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Arik, LearningToo and 54 guests