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How are you today thread (trigger warning)

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby spinningtops » Sat Mar 27, 2021 2:51 am

GKOKD wow, i don't know what to say.

feeling very disassociated today.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby IainEtc » Sat Mar 27, 2021 9:09 am

Hang in there KK. It stucks but as long as you're still in there things can get better. Right now you're acting like something is triggering you're system pretty hard. Protectors show up when we need to fight something.

Hey Christian. I'm a Protector in our system. Want to check on you. What's got you going? My bet is you're seeing something your host needs to know about.

Colin

KK - Sounds like you're going through depersonalization and derealization. It's something hosts do when we're overwhelmed. I felt that regularly for a while (and still do sometimes) but when I got more communication with the system it settled down. I agree with Colin. If you're being shoved aside, your Protectors are engaging a threat.

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Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby GKOKD » Mon Mar 29, 2021 10:55 pm

Another rough day.

I had emailed my T my post on Friday and I thought if we could just survive the weekend we would see her today and maybe sort it out and maybe she could help us in some way to feel... I don't know... but maybe something better. But first thing this morning the office called and said she was out for the day and the littles cried so hard and Seven got mad and body-destructive and Christian was super active and hyper-vigilant all day and I feel so foggy and I'm afraid she's going to be out again tomorrow, then what will we do? We're not scheduled to see her tomorrow, but she usually calls us every morning during the week and checks on us and gives us something to focus on during the day and it's been three days and everyone's in chaos and I can't see my way out. We don't have another in-person appointment scheduled for over a month! I feel so stuck and locked up! I'm trying so hard to stay safe, but it's hard with Seven so close.
body is 48 yr old mother of 2 adopted teens
KK - 17 yr old f
2T - 2 yr old f nonverbal
"Little K" 3 yr old f
Christian - "The Rulemaker" - adult m
Seven - Young adult m
Kat - 7 yr old f
Major Depression, Anorexia, Anx Disorder, DID (or maybe OSDD), PTSD
Gracie - Greyhound Service Dog
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby BeccaBee » Thu Apr 15, 2021 7:50 pm

very bad rage.

thought I was done with rage. now worse than ever.

even after I calm down my brain is not working just frozen from the rage.

helper came today. she takes cat to the vet. she takes kid to her house and they will have fun and cook and come home later.

dont even know where or how to get help anymore. see my neuro in a.month and ask him. dont know if it's the stress. or a reaction from my Pfizer vaccine. or I'm just bat $#%^. maybe a little bit of everything. I hate getting worse instead of better. feel like I dont belong anywhere. hiding all difficulties from.my employer. wondering how much longer I can keep it up.

need to level out.

struggles. many legal and financial matters at same time I think is problem. need to fix nutrition and exercise. fix brain better again. hope so. ###$ dementia. too pissed off to die is good news. too soon. wont do it. REFUSE.

I miss my friends. so sorry I am not here for you. im trapped inside this stupid body that doesn't work.
Female, 39
Dx: DID, C-PTSD, TES


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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Snaga » Sat Apr 17, 2021 3:45 pm

BeccaBee wrote:very bad rage.

thought I was done with rage. now worse than ever.

even after I calm down my brain is not working just frozen from the rage.

helper came today. she takes cat to the vet. she takes kid to her house and they will have fun and cook and come home later.

dont even know where or how to get help anymore. see my neuro in a.month and ask him. dont know if it's the stress. or a reaction from my Pfizer vaccine. or I'm just bat $#%^. maybe a little bit of everything. I hate getting worse instead of better. feel like I dont belong anywhere. hiding all difficulties from.my employer. wondering how much longer I can keep it up.

need to level out.

struggles. many legal and financial matters at same time I think is problem. need to fix nutrition and exercise. fix brain better again. hope so. ###$ dementia. too pissed off to die is good news. too soon. wont do it. REFUSE.

I miss my friends. so sorry I am not here for you. im trapped inside this stupid body that doesn't work.


When it seems as if everything is going to crap, I think blowing up a little is understandable. You struggle, and you struggle, and it's like especially for the last year it seems as if things just won't let up, will they? Hugs, if wanted.

And folks here understand- and the thing to do is take care of You- if PF is part of that, then great for us! But you don't have to apologise if you can't be here in forums. Your well-being comes first.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Sun Apr 18, 2021 2:07 pm

We enjoy getting pick-up food from one of the local restaurants once in a while. Usually it goes smoothly but this time, it did not.

We like to wear a kilt and we present as masculine - broad shoulders, low voice, masculine haircut, masculine shirt, sometimes a tie too.

Today, the people at the checkout kept calling us "Madame" even though we corrected them. Each time we corrected them, they repeated "Madame" one more time. At the third or fourth iteration, I raised my voice and told them that it was an unacceptable behavior on their part, to keep saying "Madame" even though we correted them for "Monsieur" each time.

They exchanged a few look among themselves and send us away with a "Sure thing, MADAME".

Of course, we emailed the restaurant about the incident. But I am still angry at them.

Most of the time, when people mistake us for a woman because we are short and wear a kilt, we only need to say "I'm a guy" to make them apologize profusely and call us "Sir" many times afterwards. This time it sounded like they only wanted to mock someone.

It is even more irritating because we recieved yesterday our gender-marker change notification letter. We are thoroughly and officially a "Sir" for the administration offices (give or take a few weeks/months to get all the different services to update this information).

We are furious and we hope that the "tricksters" from the restaurant will get what they deserve from their boss.

__
David.
Autistic, DID

Alter {sub-systems} | he/him | she/her | they/them

Hohenheim | Trisha | Urielle{Uriel|Theia} | X/Solomon/David/Scar | Ulysses | Lust | {Pride|Wrath} | {Zami} | Saul | Aragorn | Sherlock Holmes | Envy | {Isaïa|Reyna} ...

Journey thread
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Apr 18, 2021 5:50 pm

That's awful, David! So childish and inappropriate on their part. As if they were rowdy teens loitering on a corner instead of employees serving a customer! I'm glad you reported them.
____________________________________

We've been feeling so overwhelmed lately. I think our bodywork therapy is more destabilizing than it is helpful, and I'm not sure we should continue. I guess I'll write more about it in our journey thread.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Snaga » Sun Apr 18, 2021 7:04 pm

That is unacceptable- I don't care what a person thinks, but when you're in the service or retail industry by God you keep it to your own damn self and you apologise and you save your snide remarks for away from customers. They deserve to have you complain about their behavior. That was hurtful and unnecessary and a terrible set of employees.
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby SystemFlo » Tue Apr 20, 2021 9:04 am

David, I'm sorry for what you had to hear. Hope you get platinum bonus card and free meals for next ten years because of it.

It's pretty sure that if someone doesn't wanna understand you first time you say something, it's not about understanding, it's about not wanting to. Repeating same thing never works, you're just making it longer for yourself. If there's no reason for that, like recording it with your phone while it happens, I wouldn't do it. But it's easy for me to say, I wasn't in the situation.

I know it's easy to be smart afterwards and know what to do and how. And thinking about that for future situations is wise. But there's no universal thing that works, it's about the situation and it's about your confidence level and who are you against with and in what kind of surroundings. But you can see your confidence level rising, after you have flipped the cards of the power game with few people successfully. Don't stay anywhere while someone makes fun of you. At least take your phone out, record it, and walk away and use the record for your advantage. And if you take footage, at that point they may suddenly have very different attitude. There's food elsewhere too, for that day. You go back if you trust to eat what they serve you, after you emailed the owner. (Owner, not the manager. It might have been the manager.)

We have huge advantage, since Sami is so good at power games, people do weird things just because he walks on the street, and doesn't try to make anyone do anything. We have like ton of inside "jokes" about situations where someone has reacted to him sooo differently than people usually do to other people. They have same reactions, it's all everyday things, but waaay more strongly than needed. They're not jokes to be honest, that doesn't sound right, more of shared memories of funny incidents. But it comes down to your personality. Sami has tons of authority, few people have. He switches out, and suddenly people take "me" very seriously. You can practice being assertive in everyday situations if you want to, but it's not the way all of us has to be. It's totally fine to be peaceful and avoid open conflicts. It doesn't take your fangs away, you can still audio record your "customer service" and if you wanna be difficult, call to local newspaper or something. That's big and mean kind of thing, certainly not something you do have to do or should do, if you're not that angry. I just want you to know what all you actually can do, without needing to confront anyone face to face. There's open power and there's the kind in the shadows.

Your sex and gender is nobody's business, I wouldn't bring them up at any point, or lower myself to be discussing about them with anyone I didn't choose to do that with. I mean while you are giving your feedback of what happened to you. You don't have to proof your gender to go to the restaurant, so if someone else tries to bring it up, don't take the bite. I'd write I was wearing a kilt, and here is what happened, and that's from someone called David. It's explanation enough to clarify you were made fun of, and rest of it is your business. Or actually, it is someone else's business and hopefully they are willing to run that properly. But if was you, I'd do something anyway. Otherwise it stays with you as a lost combat.

This is just our point of view, and you don't have to agree, but to us being respected as a human is a "me"-thing. You don't have to do it ever behind a certain role. You don't do it for lesbian women or trans men or autistic people or wheelchair users etc. You are you, and that's why you will be respected. It's not a battle of values or morals of some one else's, it's not religious, it's nothing else but a "me"-thing. I will be respected, because I won't take anything else. I won't talk about my orientation or tattoos or anything that shares opinions, it's not about a group of people, it's about me. You are you, do not let anyone put you into any category and then try to fight about that, because if you let them share all cards putting you into a category while the opponent is "everyone else", who's gonna win? The one who shared the cards so unfairly. It's simple "this is bad customer service" -case, and nothing else, or what ever it happens to be at any given time.

You don't have to share my view, and there is place to all work done for all special groups there are, but you're not just your special groups. You can be that when you choose to, but you don't take that from other people. By that I mean, you won't try to debate over ethics or morals of some big issue that divides people, if someone tries to make that a topic, you won't react to it, but continue about what the situation really is about. It's not about your gender. Your gender is yours, not restaurant's.

No shape or form was it your fault, and I hope it doesn't stick with you the way some things can. And it's not what I meant the slightest. To be honest, Sami is close and he's all about protector/defender stuff and got pissed off, so that kind of pushed it's way thru, so I ended up writing a book about how to fight properly or smth. Sorry.

Us
DID
main system:
Flor F adult co-host
Sami M 15-26 (age slider) system&safety manager
Lucas M 17 caretaker
Leon M 4
etc

subsystem:
Fourteen M 14 co-host, trauma holder, persecutor:
teens: Rain, Diamonds, Prince, Romeo, London, Random
tweens: Elias, Oliver
groups: Gotham kids
littles: Paris, Milan, Milo, Little Prince
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Wed Apr 21, 2021 8:11 am

Thank you very much for the support and advice, all of you.

We emailed the customer service, and got called back. The person who called us back spent ten mintues saying that it was no mockery, and that it could not be ethnical discrimination either because, you see, that day, there was one black woman among the crowd of white employees working here.

Apparently it was all a misunderstanding, they just did not understand why we were repeating "no it's MONSIEUR" each time. Our argument of "Other places don't judge and apologize on the spot and repeat Monsieur many times in a row to make sure they do not slip again" did not work. The person on the phone told us that, you seeeeee, with the masks and everythiiiiiiiing, it happens to me tooooooo, and even if I understand the correction I slip agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.

(Urielle adds: "Transphobic piece of shirt!")

Hear ya hear ya, having one black token employee makes one incapable of racism or transphobia or any other discrimination. (No, it does not. But using her as a token IS a racist move.)

I was told on the phone that, next time I go to the restaurant, if I call for the manager, they will "have a friendly gesture" for us. It will probably mean, a free dessert.

Had we not pre-paid the meal before going to the counter we would have walked away. I almost did, then I remembred, the price of the meal we have decided to buy as a take-out once a week to be nice with ourselves, is not negligible on our budget.

We will follow your advice, SystemFlo, and start recording a video next time we get the "yes Madame" dance.

We are torn between,

- going there again each and every week as a power move (instead of rotating between the few places in our area for diversity), recording the whole interaction, and being loud and masculine, while wearing eye make-up and a kilt and maybe shaving our legs too, just to mess with their heads (Urielle adds: "AND TITTIES OUT!" as a joke. We are totally not confident enough to see our masculinity respected if we go out without a binder) (now Urielle says: "LET'S GO TOPLESS AFTER TOP SURGERY AND ASK THEM IF WE'RE MASC ENOUGH NOW" and I think it shows how pissed we are as a whole) (Lust adds: "Being a cis woman alter in a trans man's body and being called "Madame" feels like a sad win..." and I do agree with her)

- and between never going there again because, screw them.

It's a shame because their food is the best in the area but, there are other food services, more polite. Less tasty (in our opinion), but more polite. (Pride: "And they sell macaroons too! ... But the ice cream machine is out of order sometimes ...")

We are never pissed when people misgender us at first glance, as long as they apologize when we correct them. But this time... This time was different, and it feels much, much worse.

Thank you again, all of you, for the support.

__
David
Autistic, DID

Alter {sub-systems} | he/him | she/her | they/them

Hohenheim | Trisha | Urielle{Uriel|Theia} | X/Solomon/David/Scar | Ulysses | Lust | {Pride|Wrath} | {Zami} | Saul | Aragorn | Sherlock Holmes | Envy | {Isaïa|Reyna} ...

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