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How are you today thread (trigger warning)

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby companionwolf » Sun Jun 14, 2020 3:00 pm

We started the physical journal and it’s been going really well. Prompted two new parts to speak up which is a always a tiny bit scary (I get overwhelmed a bit when new ones appear) but I think it’s a good sign? Spending the weekend with extended family, which has been ok save some intrusive thoughts and almost paranoid worries that we need to discuss as a team (who is thinking those thoughts? who is afraid? of what? why? are you willing to let the t know when we see her again?)

Congrats, fireheart!! I hope the baking makes you feel good. Sending safe hugs!!

- Wolf
ADHD, cPTSD, and a unspecified dissociative disorder
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby SeveralCrows » Tue Jun 16, 2020 9:31 pm

TheGangsAllHere wrote:I'm sorry things are so hard, SeveralCrows.

People need to express themselves and be heard--that's a basic need. Attention doesn't have to be a bad thing. That's something I'm working on in therapy. There's so much fear of being seen and then negatively judged.


Thank you - and thank you to everyone else who sent well wishes. We saw it all in time, just weren't up to replying last week.

I am very accustomed to people not seeing me, refusing to see me, and then negatively judging me for what they have chosen to see instead. No one wants to see who I am, only what they are looking to see, whether that is good or bad in their eyes. Partners who are angry to discover we are exactly who we have said the whole time, instead of the fantasy they kept trying to force us to be. Others who twist our words and get angry at that instead of what we actually said. Repeatedly, people seem intent on not seeing us, no matter how much we speak up or show that we aren't what they say. We feel like, why bother to reach out or show up if everyone is going to project onto us or misinterpret our words anyway? They want a fantasy person or an excuse to abuse, not a messy complex person. We wish we could be seen, but it feels like we won't even if we show up.

Gangs, we are sorry to hear things have been hard there too. Things are reopening here more than they should as well, though I feel fortunate that they aren't moving faster. I hope you are coping better with the changes than you anticipated. It is overwhelming to us some days too.

We hope everyone else who is having a hard time is able to find some relief.

Today there is a lot of pent up frustration and exhaustion and impatience and sadness. The body feels better than it did last week at least.

Crows
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System currently being reconfigured. Please stand by.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby birdsong87 » Sat Jun 27, 2020 5:27 pm

we got through the first few appointments. the 24h ecg went well enough. just a few moments where it was diffficult to tell apart what was real and what the story someone started to tell about it. I was able to hide the wires so the Littles never realized they were connected to the body.
someone actually felt more secure with it, like it was already doing something to help the heart and not just recording the heart beat. so when I took it off it felt less safe.
2 down, 3 to go. and then we will wait for results to see how we need to procede.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby MakersDozn » Sat Jun 27, 2020 7:53 pm

Glad the first few appointments have gone well, birdsong folks. Hoping the remaining appointments go well too.

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Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby 08uP » Mon Jun 29, 2020 1:59 am

@companionwolf
I hope your physical journaling goes well.

I hate to sound like a wet blanket but I've been in the process of shredding and disposing of my old journals. I don't have a lot of storage space other than what I can fit into my vehicle, and it makes me anxious having literal garbage bags of who knows what laying around for people to discover. So I decided to discover myself and downsize. Two journals left. One is rather inconsequential, but the other one I just haven't been able to destroy yet. It's turned out to be very very old, and covers a substantial time period, and is *completely* filled. Interesting handwriting. And content. I have to destroy it, I just have enormously mixed feelings about the whole thing.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby icecreamvi » Thu Jul 02, 2020 5:13 am

Doing bad today folks, a former friend found out im a csa and csem survivor and told me they didnt want to associate with me any more because of it. It apparently makes me a "pedophile supporter" because I was an (unwilling) participant in csem (I WAS 9). they already cut off all contact with me and told me they think they are in the right and that i am disgusting because i told them people who arent attracted to children areent pedophiles. its just messy all around.
despite that im glad i have good friends, when one of my friends found out she was utterly furious and told me that its not my fault for what happened to me.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby MakersDozn » Fri Jul 03, 2020 3:00 pm

We're really sorry about what you're going through, icecreamvi.

Our week off has been a mixed bag. Good day followed by a difficult day. Rinse and repeat.

Good thoughts and encouragement to everyone.

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Ponyta » Sun Jul 05, 2020 8:03 pm

We're very sorry to hear about that, icecreamvi. It's NOT your fault. We're very sorry someone acted that way. We can relate to bad "friends". In our opinion, even though it's painful (our experience) it's best they left. It sounds like they were miserable (to act like that towards all of you). We're sorry. :(

It's good you have a good friend though. Like your good friend said, it's NOT your fault.


We hope things improve for all of you soon!
There are A LOT of us: 140+.

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