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How are you today thread (trigger warning)

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Peanutbrain » Wed May 20, 2020 12:30 pm

I'm feeling disconcerted. As someone who doesn't have access to most of my traumatic memories, I try to be very conscious of what triggers me so that I can process it with my therapist. My understanding is that I was sexually abused. I have no memory of my parents being angry but, at the same time, I have been afraid of others' anger, my one time I was near a violent fight incredibly freaked me out, and it's been mentioned that my dad used to have an anger problem.

Last night while interviewing a new therapist briefly over the phone, I had asked her about her group therapy session she plans to hold in the fall. She said that the topic was "sexual violence". I was disappointed because I thought it was focused on childhood sexual abuse. She said "yes, that's right. Sexual violence and childhood sexual abuse are used interchangeably". I immediately sensed that I was upset by the equation and would not be able to be part of a group that used the word "violence".

I'm pondering this this morning and am now remembering that I am triggered by anything to do with violence. I have had some body memories-just a few-where I sensed involved violence. I suspect this is a memory that is deeply, deeply hidden from me. At the same time, I think it's strange that a therapist who focuses on survivors of sexual abuse and trauma would so casually use the word violence, but maybe it's just me. But it's a reminder that, even though I feel like I'm at a safe place and pretty even keel as I search for a new therapist (my current one is retiring and I thought this was a good time to transition), there are triggers that will pop up when I'm not expecting it. UGH.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby companionwolf » Wed May 20, 2020 4:01 pm

HI all. Sorry for being kinda absent, have been occupied with finishing up this year of school (it’s over now and everything has been passed so that’s a big relief). Summer school comes next and I’m worried about it, since it’s online, but I guess we’ll just see how it goes.

It’s been pretty quiet for us, since everything has been focused on school and maintaining survival mode. Saw the t for the first time in person in a while (since this whole virus started) and we did some work; there’s a sense of discontent inside post session— I think some folks are a bit upset with how it went.

I see some of y’all are struggling and I’m sending warm vibes to all of you. Take gentle care of yourselves!! It is especially important during this weird weird time.

- Wolf
ADHD, cPTSD, and a unspecified dissociative disorder
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Wed May 20, 2020 5:12 pm

birdsong87 wrote:they keep throwing away stuff we need. like, important stuff. or socks.


Something about this just cracked me up. :lol: :lol:

I'm sorry--it sounds really difficult. I hope you can talk to them and figure it out. And it's good that you go through the trash before you take it out.

I don't have much amnesia, but when we're stressed, I'll move things around without noticing and forget where I put them, or start a task, and go into another room to get something I need, and then start something there, and only much later notice that the wash is only half put into the dryer, or we never did get the snack we went into the kitchen for, etc.

Yesterday, I started to walk across the room to get a piece of chocolate, but then I was sitting down near where the chocolate bar is, looking at my phone, and then I got up to do something else, and it was hours later before I dimly remembered that we had planned to have chocolate. We never did end up having some. :roll:
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby MakersDozn » Wed May 20, 2020 5:22 pm

TheGangsAllHere wrote:
birdsong87 wrote:they keep throwing away stuff we need. like, important stuff. or socks.

Something about this just cracked me up. :lol: :lol:

Us too. :)

We almost never throw out socks. We'll mend them until they fall apart. And we don't even like sewing.

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Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby birdsong87 » Thu May 21, 2020 5:44 am

forgetting about chocolate is harsh.
we have weekday socks (to help us stay oriented) and we lost one pair of friday socks a while ago, now someone threw away our last pair for fridays. what are we supposed to wear!?
but I am glad this is entertaining. that part disposed of a full box of tissues too. so, no socks and no crying please. wish I would know what is going through their mind.

rebooting our sleeping rhythm isn't happening easily. been awake most of the night. but had incredible breakfast. I need more grilled mushrooms in the morning.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby MakersDozn » Fri May 22, 2020 10:35 pm

Hey, L, sorry about those needed items gone missing.

Funny how different how people can be. We detest mushrooms. We wish that we could send you every mushroom that we've refused during our 58 years, so you could grill them to your heart's content.

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Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 58f. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17, shawn 16f.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat May 23, 2020 6:25 am

Hello Birdsong,

Sorry to hear about all the stuff gone missing. This is starting to be a bit ridiculous even though, it is somewhat funny.

I hope you will find a way out of this situation by finding a way to communicate with the one who is going Marie Kondo all over your house.

Moral support !

--Zami--
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | {Wrath} | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | ♥Lust♥ | .....

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby birdsong87 » Sat May 23, 2020 7:37 am

I am just glad nobody tried to throw out the mushrooms :lol:
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Muninn » Sat May 23, 2020 12:52 pm

Hey,

we weren't here for a while as far as I remember. We had (and still have) an intense time, with another cat emergency and on top a huge pile of work and overtime in the evenings and weekends. We don't have a lot, if any, time to take care of ourselves, or give the non-work-headmates some space for themselves.... or to write here in the forum
In times like this I wonder what kind of job would fit us better, but honestly... we are still quite lucky, with what we have and most other jobs would be worse, so we will try to stick with it.

Ongoing pandemic tension outside doesn't help and we didn't leave the house since the cat emergency a month ago. We had to wear a mask and apparently (okay, to be honest, it is not a new discovery) having stuff in front of our face is quite a trigger for panic. Because of the amount of work we also don't have much time, to face this issue and figure out how to improve this

But I just wanted to leave a note, that we are still here and sometimes read the forum, but just don't have time to write much. Hope this will chance in a few weeks.

- a weird mix of muninn-people
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby ZodiacDragon » Sat May 30, 2020 11:14 pm

Wow where to begin. A lot of things have happened/changed since we've last been here.

Since we've been gone:
Through a long process we've been able to discover that Flair is indeed polyfragmented (pegasus and dragon are two seperate alters sharing one body in the inner world). They say they have their own equivalent of an innerworld, but that it's just blackness (which makes sense, that's what our entire inner world was at the start).
The dragon half of them has picked a name for herself, Aki. And we've been slowly getting to where she can be out in place of Flair (innerworld only for right now). So far only Akane and Neko are comfortable enough with her to spend time with her, it's akward a lot of the times but we're slowly getting there. Flair (only Flair not Aki), has also gained a horn and gone from trans to non-binary and they are so much happier now.

We got put on some bipolar medicine which seems to be helping so far. Flair/Aki are more mello, and Akane has had some changes for the better.

Akane was for the longest time the most physically weak of us (both in the innerworld and when out has had the worst stamina), but recently he has gained what we're calling his demon form. It's still him, just a mostly visual difference (he can switch between them at will). But since gaining that change he's been a lot stronger, which has been great for the system as a whole!

So we're doing good despite not being around as much.

- Alex

My demon for looks so cool I like it! I have a long fluffy tail (normally have a short husky/wolf tail), antlers (8 point rack), and some white markings under my eyes. Other than that I haven't changed much but it's a alot of fun! :D
~ Akane
BPD, Anxiety, Gender Dysphoria, DID

Alex: Host, Human, 22, FtM, Pan
Sarabi: Opossum, 21, F, Pan
Akane: Anthro wolfdog, 21, M, Pan
Saggita: Dragon, ???, M, Demi-Pan
Anime: Dragon, 2100+, Agender, Demi-Pan
Neko: Human-nekomata mix, 945, M, Gay
Flair(NB)/Aki(F): Pegasus/Dragon mix, 2000+, Pan/Gay
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