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How are you today thread (trigger warning)

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby MakersDozn » Sat Nov 30, 2019 7:50 pm

Glad you're doing better, Viola. It's okay if you're not able to respond to people....we all have times when we need to step back and focus on ourselves.

We've been feeling discouraged (among other things) since the holiday the other day. And the technical problems with the forum haven't helped. Sometimes reaching out here is what keeps us going. :|

At least we're out of bed, and the forum is working now. We have to regulate our emotions, no matter how big the temptation to do otherwise.

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 57f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby IainEtc » Sun Dec 01, 2019 12:21 pm

Hi,

Tension really builds up in this like count down to Thanksgiving because some bad stuff used to happen around then. It's like we get all ready for sh*t that doesn't happen anymore. Really makes November super hard. Same thing for Xmas. Getting pretty freaking tired of this! Nothing to see here people! Everybody just move along! :roll:

I'm also pretty mad at Host because he's all in one of his 'I'm not really DID' things. Really? REALLY? When Host does this in front of our T she gets this look on her face like she's going to be really patient but Host is SO wrong.

Totally ready for Thanksgiving to be over! :roll:

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

When they say 'be yourself',
which one do they mean?
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby birdsong87 » Mon Dec 02, 2019 5:19 pm

I might write here more often, the season is really hard for us.
mainly extreme hypervigilance at night. come 2am we are WIDE awake until the sun rises.
and during the day the body feels like crap. it's not even that I have difficult emotions or anything. just the constant feeling of weakness and feeling low and the thoughts that I just can't go on. it is like a body flashback more than any real emotion. like the body is despairing while I feel little to no emotion.
so when I say I feel really bad it is more like the body is in some kind of trauma state that I am observing but I will have forgotten how difficult it felt by the next day.
just so you know. it is a weird season. I feel lonely and in need of support but its not like a cheering up would help against the body feeling this way...
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby fireheart » Mon Dec 02, 2019 6:25 pm

Wishing strength and support to all who are struggling.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby MakersDozn » Mon Dec 02, 2019 6:39 pm

Adding our good thoughts.

We are doing okay today, knock on wood.

MDs
Multiple self-dxed 1996. Body 57f, no host or original. System of 47: 42 ♀, 5 ♂; 17 littles (7+under), 9 middles (8-11), 14 teens (12-17+), 5 bigs (18+up), + a formless yin/yang duo. Oldest member is 25.

Notable: Charity 25, Deborah 23, Drew 23f, Mary 23, Rachel 23, Laura 17.5, Allegra 17, Cass 17.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Amythyst » Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:14 pm

Yeah same here as well - sending good thots to all who need them.

----

I gotta walk to the mailbox but I need lip balm first and i know theres a chapstic in this house but its lost somewhere. I've started looking for it like 3x and keep getting distracted & forgetting. I've found the same glue stick 3 times lol but no chapstick.

Also - a ways back MDs mentioned a thing on Birdsong's blog about a system crest? We read the blog and stuff and the idea stuck in our head, and they've been working on it inside since then.

Today the ideas all came out & we spent the last like 90 minutes or whatever drawing it on the computer.

We made some changes from the blog design tho - we made ours round cos the shape is more meaningful to us, and we have 5 value symbols cos we couldn't narrow it down to just 4. And each of the 5 symbols has like, multiple meanings to us.

We left room around the outside edge for text but we haven't got a motto or whatever... well actually the problem is we have several, but haven't been able to narrow it down or join them up or whatever. Maybe later. :)

Its been really cool tho and we love the idea, so thanks again to birdsong for writing it on her blog and to MDs for mentioning it. :D

Viola
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); Kate(17/22f); L(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby IainEtc » Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:16 pm

Hi birdsong,

A 'body flashback' sounds kind of interesting. Can bodies have feelings? I know they remember stuff so maybe they can feel stuff too. Or maybe somebody else is in the body and they have feelings. Don't know.

Thanksgiving is over and we did ok. All the people have left our house. Colin is still angry but he does that a lot. Host is stressing because he used the wrong pronoun (but it was just once and I don't think anybody noticed). The whole thing about people coming over for Thanksgiving was totally stupid and made us all totally thankful when they left. :roll:

Iain
Iain - 14, Colin - 17, Evan - 7, Cody - 16, Raven, & Host - the adult out front

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby birdsong87 » Mon Dec 02, 2019 7:26 pm

@Amythist so cool you are making your own crest! it is supposed to get changed to fit you! it sounds really cool.

@Iain there is something like somatic flashbacks where the body feels things like it felt back in traumatime. it was big when we foound out that it doesn't just mean pain. sometimes feeling hungry or exhausted can be a somatic flashback too!
and emotions are a very physical thing. try to feel an emotion without a body. not possible. because it really is a body sensation that we learned to interpret as a specific emotion given context.
I do this weird thing where I am very detached from emotions. I tend to notice the pattern in the body sensations that would make an emotion but without deeply feeling an emotion that would cause suffering. like I have a mile distance to what is happening, so I only feel the body part of the emotion. almost like "oh, my chest is tight, I breathe differently, funny feeling in my stomach, dry mouth, I think I am scared". we think it is one of those times where our training in mindfulness stuff has gone too far and I am observing too much and experiencing too little. totally reduces suffering but its also kind of strange.
Dx: DID cPTSD
L (host 1); Asti (host 2); Annett (teen protector); Maya (child); Age (observer); Thamara (child); Danielle (aut. teen); Mike (caregiver) and others
our blog on resources: https://www.dis-sos.com
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Amythyst » Tue Dec 03, 2019 11:20 am

Hey thanks birdsong! :D

We're really excited about the crest idea, they're talking about making stickers for our journal and stuff when its finished. :)

This morning tho we're in pain. :( Spent like an hour shoveling heavy snow & ice yesterday and this morning the whole body just aches. :x Plus theres like a bit of a headache and our throat feels off. We super hope this doesn't mean we're gonna get a cold or something.

We never did find the lip balm yesterday so we didn't go out lol. Today we gotta go buy some I guess, and maybe some extra vitamin C or something.

Hope everyone else is doing ok today.

Viola
Arin(22f); Charlie(6m); Claire(0f); Ewan(4m); Guardian(28m); Janet(4f); Kate(17/22f); L(∞f); Melissa(7f); Mike(35m); Nyssa(10f); Rebecca(∞f); Tegan(5f); Viola(17f); V1(22f); V2(16f); Waste(?); et al.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby SeveralCrows » Tue Dec 03, 2019 3:16 pm

We have another interview today. I am trying to get us focused on doing some practice work before the interview to get into the right mind space, to be able to speak well about it. Our ability to talk about this has deteriorated, which has come as a surprise. I think it is due to it having been a long time since last we practiced. We had an interview for this position yesterday too, but he didn't actually ask us any questions, was just trying to sell *us* on the job. It felt really nice, but I'm pretty sure it was because he isn't that familiar with the specific needs of the job, which is why we're talking to someone else today. Unfortunately, focus is difficult this morning. We slept poorly.

@birdsong87 We also have those sorts of flashbacks. I get so upset and tired from them, because I don't know how to stop the body from just aching. It's like it depletes me, which makes sense given all of the hormones and chemicals flying around in those heightened states. I have no particular advice, as I haven't figured out how to feel better after - I try to drink lots of water and eat as well as I can manage, but that doesn't really solve it, just makes it less awful the next day - but know that you are not alone in it.
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