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How are you today thread (trigger warning)

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby 08uP » Sat Aug 10, 2019 3:27 am

Been feeling weird lately. I was doing great more getting worse for some reason again. Feeling weird and panicky. And nervous. And not like myself. And I swear I keep hearing... I don't want to finish that... I can't tell what they're saying but I'm scared. I want to laugh and cry and yell at them to shut up. I'm sure I'm just imagining them but Idk why. But I'm scared it's getting worse. I just feel depressed and resigned. Just waiting until I can't wait anymore. Idk. I'm scared it might be something organic. Something with no cure that's just going to keep getting worse until there's nothing left of me. I wonder who I will be then and I hope I won't be here to see.

I saw not everyone is doing so well either. I'm sorry to see that and wish... And wish I wouldn't lose my train of thought... Wish I had more time, no just common human decency, and a home and a computer with internet, and I wish I would read all your posts and take the time to give the good replies you deserve, since I know most of you here have posted really great helpful replies to me and I'm very grateful and I always mean to reply but I'm pretty sure I never did. Thank you.

But Becca, et al., your boss sounds like a bitch lol. You have always seemed like one helluva badass. If your boss can't see how valuable you are, both as an employee and as a person, then that is her mistake she makes at her own peril.

Also, I think i read about Cody and Ian having trouble with their host going back into denial. Really sorry to hear that. I hope he remembers to stay calm and not make any rash decisions to jeopardize all the progress you have made. But you've been there before, so know matter how hard you fall, you'll remember to pick yourself up even higher, so things can only get better even if they seem bad now. Stay strong boys.

Stay safe everyone. Thanks again. Goodnight, and try to enjoy your weekend.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Amythyst » Mon Aug 12, 2019 3:14 pm

It was raining here this morning & still more rain & storms in the forcast. Anyways we didn't get to do a bike ride this morning cos of the rain. :(

Now I'm feeling stressed. I dunno if it's related. Maybe. Could be Melissa is upset that we didn't do the ride, she didn't get to see any bunnies. :? Or maybe not. I dunno.

Just feeling stressed and I dunno why. Like tense, uptight. Trying to get work done and stuff but it's hard to focus.

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby birdsong87 » Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:15 pm

we successfully keep the facial pain down, but the Lyrica makes us feel weird and we often feel like falling over and sleeping or like we are on a boat.
it is difficult to manage daily tasks properly and we are totally avoiding inner work.
not sure where we got stuck. already forgot what happened last weekend, memory is really bad...
life is not super bad, no dfficult emotions, just needs a lot of focus to do anything.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Amythyst » Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:57 pm

Hi birdsong -- we're glad you're keeping the pain down. Sorry the side-effects are unpleasant. :(

--

We had a nice bike ride this morning. Went out early, like right at dawn so we had the lights on the bike and stuff. Went up the trail to where the beaver dam is, cos its super peaceful and nice there.

It's happened a few times there where we just like, let go and enjoy the peace and the scenery. Birds chirping and the sound of the river going under the bridge.

I think we switch there sometimes? Someone (Melissa I think) either takes over, or is coconsious. It's like a noticable shift in perception and awareness but really peaceful.

*** trigger warning - flashback, medical, hospital, surgery ***

As soon as we got back on the bike & started to come home, we got almost overwhelmed by a strong chemical smell. I am positive it was not "real" cos we didn't smell it at all on the way there.

We instantly knew the smell too. It was the stuff they wipe on your skin before an operation. Stinky antiseptic stuff. Usually your unconsious when they do that, but the smell is still there when you wake up.

As soon as this hit we almost fell off the bike and someone let out a cry of fear. We weren't 'seeing it' or 'feeling it' up front, but we knew someone inside was having a panic flashback about hospitals and surgery. :cry:

I dunno what triggered it. It couldn't have been the smell cos that was imagined? I'm sure it wasn't a real smell. Maybe whatever started it, was completely inside.

But the whole ride home, we'd get that smell again every now and then, like randomly, suddenly that strong antiseptic chemical smell, and feel the fear and discomfort from inside. :(

*** end trigger warning ***

When we got home, we had tea and sat outside to try to get everything calm, and things feel better now. It just leaves me kinda confused and wondering what happened to cause that. :(

V2

p.s. we've had lots of phantom smell / triggers before but this is the first time I know of that it was this particulr one. Usually its tobacco smoke. (our dad smoked when we were little.) :(
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Amythyst » Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:59 am

I'm a little bit worried this morning. Last night we started getting dizzy, like really bad. I figured it was cos we didn't get much sleep the night before, so we went to bed early. Fell asleep quick, and we slept good. Like 7 hours or so?

But this morning I got up and the dizziness was even worse. Like hard to walk straight, feels like everything is spinning sideways. :? I lay down again but even in bed I could feel it spinning. Finally got up and had some tea and still feeling dizzy & spinny. :(

I did a search on the forum here thinking maybe it's related to DID and maybe other people get dizziness attacks or whatever. Was kinda shocked to see that like almost half the recent posts mentioning dizziness seemed to be from us. :(

Like maybe we have a problem with dizziness and just didn't notice? But it feels way worse than anything I remember now. Like I'm questioning if we can even ride our bike this morning, if this doesn't go away or whatever. :(

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby birdsong87 » Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:48 am

maybe you should see a doctor. it's not normal and maybe it is not DID related.

I kind of hate everything and everyone today. inside they are making pms jokes. but I hardly know myself, I want to attack everything that makes a sound.
I hope this is over soon.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby KingsleyHere » Wed Aug 14, 2019 1:49 pm

Trying to be logical. But so many aren't. A picture was part of a news feed of a group we belong to. Just a picture to accompany a story. No evil intent. A closeup.It was from an angle we frequently viewed our abusers. Some went right back to that time. Resurrected the events. Lost in that time space warp. Even ones who somehow reasonable know it's not happenings anymore are upset. Well, and those that don't....well...you know. Don't know what to do. Some want to get up and get active to prove life is not the same. Get in touch with our now. Offset by those who are hiding in bed afraid to move...hoping nothing happens this time. Some waiting resolutely for abusers's arrival. Poor body..caught in this breach. All because of a picture.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby BeccaBee » Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:36 pm

yeah Vs. gotta hit the doc for dizziness.

does it fit any of these patterns?
    when you stand up from sitting
    when you change position
    when you turn your head

are you having any vision symptoms? that stuff can be totally harmless or way serious.

what was I going to say? I dont remember because my brain is fried. oh! that's right. going to work feels like when Frodo is carrying the one ring to Mount Doom. and the Eye of Mordor grows more and more oppressive each day.........that's what work feels like. God willing, I can endure and survive long enough to ensure my daughters future.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Amythyst » Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:55 pm

Thanks Asti. We hope you are feeling better soon.

BeccaBee we think you're super strong and brave, we're sure you'll make it.

KingsleyHere, sorry you all got triggered. We hope you're able to calm the ones who got really upset and get yourselves all grounded and in the present.

We're feeling better now, our dizziness stuff started getting better around noon and is mostly ok now.

BeccaBee, it seemed to get worse from changing position / turning our head. Like moving around a little bit wasn't bad but when we were moving around the house, making breakfast or getting dressed, made it get really bad. We haven't had any new / unusual vision stuff.

If it comes back again tho we will make an appointment with the doc. I'm thinking maybe its just from lack of sleep, like maybe we didn't sleep as good last night as I thought we did.

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby BeccaBee » Thu Aug 15, 2019 12:28 am

good! if you get vision + vestibular that's bad.

positional dizziness super common. at home remedy is epley maneuver. its ear crystal voodoo. you can find about a million doctors demonstrating it on you tube. that's IF it's your inner ear. and this isn't medical advice. its girl talk, right?

your name change got me confused!! but my memory was so bad I forgot the header by the time I got to the signature.
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