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How are you today thread (trigger warning)

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby fireheart » Wed Jul 11, 2018 12:44 pm

I'm struggling so much this moment. I feel like I have to cry, but I can't.

Something bad happened a while ago, right? Well, the person wants to stay in touch and said over and over again that it is all my fault. Using all possible reasons that i think exist. It hurts so bad.
All I'm trying to do is to stay true to myself, so I was clear about how it hurt me.
But they insist that it was 100% my responsibility and now they even say that it is my fault because I have trust issues........ My head feels like it's going to explode.

I don't know what to do. Write back? Never talk to them again?
I feel very, very, very hurt.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby NyxX » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:11 pm

I don't know exactly what happened but I doubt it could possibly be 100% your fault and I feel that by saying it is they are shifting the blame onto you. Which is manipulative and unacceptable regardless who fault it is.

Even if whatever happened was your fault or happened because of your trust issues they should still respect that there actions hurt you. If they can't or won't take responsibility for there actions whether they intentionally hurt you or not they are toxic. And to not only refuse to take responsibility but to shift the blame to you is inexcusable.

I maybe oversensitive to being blamed for problems that result in my being hurt and projecting. But I feel you have every right to be hurt by this persons behaviour which I find inexcusable and would cut off all contact with them if I were you.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby BeccaBee » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:33 pm

I agree with NyxX. boundaries for the win!
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby VioletFlux » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:40 pm

Hi fireheart,

I agree with NyxX and BeccaBee. If this person wants to stay in touch, yet they're insisting you are 100% to blame for the bad thing, that to me sounds manipulative and abusive.

If it were me, I would end the contact. You don't need that in your life, you deserve better, and you are doing the right thing staying true to yourself.

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby raptureblues » Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:00 pm

@ fireheart - I'm in a very similar position with my abusers, they blame me for what happened and only take "responsibility" to guilt-trip me into feeling bad for blaming them. All I can recommend is putting up boundaries to keep you safe, as the others have said. Your safety and well-being is important, and anyone insisting they are entitled to your time and your company despite refusing to take responsibility for previous actions are people who don't deserve your time or your company.

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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby fireheart » Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:27 pm

Thank you all for responding. It means a lot.

If the roles would be reversed, I would be sure to apologize. Even if you don't intend to do harm, you can still do harm!
They started saying how I need to gain more insight in my behaviour and how it affects others and it just... It leads to some sort of error in my brain. I think it brings about a lot of hopelessness and powerlessness and maybe it is a bit too reminiscant of the abuse I went through when I was younger. I've spoken about the situation (the original bad situation) with several people and every one of them has commented on how well I had handled it. Well, that's not what the person thinks, apparently.

Yes, I will cut off contact with this person. It makes me sad, but I don't see another way. :(
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby birdsong87 » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:33 pm

there is holding someone accountable and then there is demanding the impossible for their own personal comfort.
People who want to stay close to us know that we are difficult and that we cannot live up to their expectation of the perfectly healthy other in the relationship. Agreeing to stay around means agreeing to show some grace. Often. Cause simply demanding that we are different won't make us able to change.
When people confuse our inabilities with unwillingness we cut them off. They are doing more harm than good and we are harsh enough with ourselves without someone adding shame.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby fireheart » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:52 pm

Yes, I'm difficult. Like, I come with trust issues and of course the DID is confusing to people - the inconsistent behaviour. Yes, I am also definitely harder on myself than anyone else could be.

I guess the same could be said for the person, you know, that they need grace. They have narcissistic personality disorder (confirmed by their therapist), so maybe they truly are unable to have empathy and to respect boundaries.

What happened was objectively bad. I tried to explain it to them, but maybe I should've known that it would only invite more attacks. The slippery way of communicating reminds me a lot of the abuse; how everything is 100% my fault, and all the twisting and turning of words. Switching positions and then acting as if the new position was their position from the start. Constantly repeating: "You must surely understand that..." or, "You cannot blame me for...". For me it gives the sensation of getting/being caught in a giant spiderweb.

I feel like I should have seen this coming. They didn't hurt me more than would be usual, in the two years that we lived together, so I just can't seem to wrap my head around what changed. What is different now? Maybe I changed, am less forgiving.

Sorry for talking so much. What happened today hit me hard psychologically. So much dissociation going on. :oops: :?
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby Ponyta » Thu Jul 12, 2018 12:32 am

I keep feeling horrible. Not sure how to explain it, but I feel like something is seriously wrong.

I keep feeling like everyone is mad/upset with me (even though they're not). I can't shake the feeling of being a worthless failure. I'm so terribly sad and lonely feeling. BUT yet it almost feels like its not me who is sad.

I have no clue why I keep getting these horrible feelings, but I think it might be an alter who is younger. I used to get feelings like this before I had to go to school the next day, but this is much, much worse. (I've graduated from school 8 years ago- so not sure what's up with these feelings).


I tried to distract myself, sometimes the feeling eases for a little bit, but then comes back with a vengeance. Went to a carnival yesterday and the second I heard the music the feeling became MUCH worse. SO BAD I couldn't take it.Felt like I was going to explode in tears. Not sure why as I used to love going to the carnival when I was younger. It was a bad idea (I was going to leave immediately until I seen the fireworks. That actually took the feeling away for awhile.
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Re: How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Postby KawaiiKitty » Thu Jul 12, 2018 12:33 am

We are goods
I keep feeling spacey though and referring to myself in third person, ehh it happens sometimes.
We are going to the park later and the littles are excited!
Musica and Evan had a big argument and currently not talking, but other then that we're pretty cheery!
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