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Over 9 months at age 9.

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Over 9 months at age 9.

Postby IamMorbid » Sat Jan 28, 2017 4:53 am

I am 24 and I found out I had dissociative fugue at 9 a month and a half ago. I just wanted to share a bit of my story. This board is empty and a few of the posts aren't fugue at all.

I don't know what happened to me at 9. I do know that I was perfectly happy before then. I thought I had the perfect life. Then in the summer when I was 9, something happened. I literally don't know what. But I changed. For over nine months I have almost no memory. The memories I do have are single "pictures" in my mind. A single thought, a single image, a single feeling. The only real memory is hanging myself on my 10th birthday. And I barely remember a thing. I awakened from the fugue in the late winter when I was 10. My parents told me things I said and it alarmed them. But I remember thinking at the time that I didn't ever say that. I still don't remember saying it. Life went on. I was diagnosed with an unheard of case of ultradian bipolar. I've been told my entire life that my case is simply unheard of.

I realized that I dissociated at about 18 or 19. Not feeling real was completely normal to me growing up, so I thought it was normal for everyone else.

Last year I found out that when I was 9 I overdosed on pills and had my stomach pumped. Literally no memory of it at all. Nothing.

The thing that made them realize I had fugue was that no one knew I didn't remember those 9 months. In fact, it took me a decade to realize that I didn't remember so much. So no one else could have known. I was completely normal to everyone. In fact, family, friends, teachers, NO ONE knew anything was wrong. No one knew I was attempting suicide and so much else at 9 and 10. I was 100% normal. My happy and care free childhood self.

The question now, is what happened to me at 9 to enter the fugue state. I have no idea and my horrible family doesn't know either.
My life has become so unimaginably atrocious, that my psychiatrist (who teaches at a nationally recognized university for psychiatrist residency/medical students) doesn't know what's happening to me.
I am going to go to a very specialized trauma center. If this doesn't help, nothing will.
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Re: Over 9 months at age 9.

Postby MsSchadenfreude » Fri Mar 03, 2017 1:58 am

Did you get put into any intensive treatment (inpatient) after your pill taking suicide attempt 15 years ago?
“The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no farther.Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
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Re: Over 9 months at age 9.

Postby eterea107 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:43 am

Do you mean disassociative amnesia?

Fugue involves traveling away .... relocating with a new identity, oftentimes. I think that's why the fugue forum is empty.

I wish you the best in your trauma therapy. Take care.
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Re: Over 9 months at age 9.

Postby SaintAugustine » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:48 am

That's intense, I can't even begin to speculate.
Let us know how you are getting on.
xx
SA
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Re: Over 9 months at age 9.

Postby OneOfMany » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:26 am

*mod edit* 4th reply. Hope you are still seeking since I am & hoping to share with others in our situation:

I'm a RAD kid, slapped with a few labels like borderline and schizotypal personality disoders. 1,500+ page CPS file full of useless attempts to guinea pig me with drugs (all bad, nothing nice).

Similar experience to yours, recalling 18 month period post traumas around age 20 (13 years on). A pristine perfect movie and flashes 3d vivid scenes. Bit weird.

Heavy disassociation throughout all childhood/early adulthood.

Am currently 15 months into amnesia, straight up not being able to remember a ton of personal information accrued in the 15 years prior to 'recent' violent incident. My 'self' or chosen experiences anyway. I can perfectly recall all my #######5 parts of life with amazing detail, every last ounce of lame junk I never asked for.

Have known a few with amnesia and reached understanding that something about language recall in brain is damaged or blocked physically, preventing one from accessing the 'missing' parts. Nearly NOTHING out here at all about it though. Feels like the medical community in general is missing 'a few parts'.

I only recently learned term for my most obvious symptom is 'Anomia', and that it is an Aphasia- regulated in the Broca's region. From the few others I know who also got amnesia from infection & pharmaceutical reactions (inflammation reactions) the usual is to lose consciousness from most of a day to weeks. In my complicated case it looks like my body going into a shaking fever for over a week from the horror of what I witnessed pretty much did it?

Not very comforting to hear that what I went through in the 1980s is now completely foreign/lost info to current state of the art centers. Your post serves to remind me as usual I'm on my own out here and especially now with the confusing/contradicting symptoms immediately cropping up from last month's round of high stress life & death incidents.
Last edited by seabreezeblue on Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: inappropriate comment removed.. no further changes.
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