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Feeling People in My Head

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Feeling People in My Head

Postby deerfeet » Fri Jul 23, 2021 7:15 am

Hi. I posted about this funny ongoing issue of mine in the spring but something happened recently that I just kind of blew off. I realize that I shouldn't have, obviously, because I'm writing this. I don't know what to make of it.

Its pretty simple; the day before yesterday (7/21) I was chilling in bed at night, it hadn't been a particularly stressful day IIRC. I have been stressing about plans I made with friends (which I cancelled because of many reasons, mental health being one) to go to a cabin this week then, but nothing major. I'll come back to that.
Then, really all of a sudden, I felt really what can be called "people" just sort of.. fade in? I wasn't hearing voices externally but I could certainly hear what they were thinking and knew what they were thinking of, like a song stuck in their head. I say they because there were about two to three or four of them, they waned in and out. It was very sudden, going from basically my normally empty head to three people thinking of songs, talking, making decisions, etc. It wasn't especially panicking for me, just confusing, and I tried to focus in on them and speaking with them. I guess I didn't make any progress because I don't remember what they said. It was hard to have a coherent thought through all the noise. I remember one, a girl named Kissy or Hissy, something like that, and a small boy who didn't talk much but I knew was there. Then they faded out, same as they had came. I didn't really know what to think and just continued about my night.

Since then (as corny as this sounds) I've felt sort of numb. Things that would normally scare me don't, and while the things that I enjoy are fun, they don't really make me happy, if that makes sense. Today has been a much worse day than the last few. I had a horrible dream, family argument, and altogether sense of dread, depression self-loathing, and many other things that influenced my decision to bail on my friend's plans. Again with the split thing, there's a part of me that's very much relieved, and one that regrets it. Maybe that's normal, when thinking of all the stuff I'll miss out on.

My previous post is here (https://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-disorder/topic218883.html) for reference. I don't know if this is CPTSD related or not, it's gone outside of the box of what I consider to be normal structural disassociation but it could also be a prank my brain pulled on me or something. Who knows.
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