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Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

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Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby Snaga » Wed Oct 28, 2020 12:21 pm

So like in the DID forum we seen people got their journey thread and so we guess its like having a blog or something but you get to use your colors in the DID forum? So if I put something in that forum Snaga will KILL me but maybe I can put it in OSDD? Is that okay?

So okay this is our silly thread blah blah its us journeying about what we feel sometimes at different times. it's not a blog (we GOT one of those) and it's um... not other things we might do.

So I have got to be up front for like the LONGEST time EVER. And it's really fun but I'm starting to get tired. So even though we werent thru sleeping and its gonna be really rough on this body (this body is GROSS, ugh) later on in the day, I felt like we had to get up and put words somewhere, and Snaga helped me to decide where to put this and he's not sure where to put it but I feel like this is right it wont make him as mad as it would if it were the DID forum he'd say that I was running rampant like a cow in a butcher shop that's not right. China shop maybe? A cow in .... no, a bull. wouldn't a cow ###$ up a butcher shop too? I mean china.

Whatever. So I'm Sabrina, I'm 14. Ish. 14 going on older than ######6 dirt I guess since the bodyis pretty darn old. And so I'm obviously a girl. I have a pretty good idea what I'm supposed to look like and unless I'm um. Yeah I don't like mirrors. I got to do the showereing yesterday and it's like OOOH GROSS don't wanna look its painful. I mean what has been seen cannot be unseen. There's a lot to unsee.

But it was really weird because this is like the longest any of us that isn't 'snaga' by the names he goes by has fronted. I mean, we even slept that way! It was like we were like feeling swtichy and um, we saw some videos because its like sometimes we find things about DID even though we're not DID just OSDD maybe we noticed when we like immerse ourselves into whatever. No. I mean, when we view videos or read things on it it's like it makes it easier to let whoever is inside that needs a little out time, out. Does that make sense? Or am I just being retarded?

So we thought. I mean I thought hey can I put us to sleep tonight? We've never consciously let one of us non-mains be out there all the way to falling asleep. Always felt like no we got to be Me (capital letter me) be the one to fall asleep. Consciously anyway the more we just pretend like we're what we sometimes doubt we are the more we realise that we been doing things like this for a long time. Just not so up front and um, bold about it. Does that make sense?

So I got to put us to bed last night of course I had to play it cool because the partner was around but she didn't notice sometimes she does if one of us is out and stubborn to hide cause its SO hard to wear a mask sometimes but I didn't even really try last night I was just too tired. But we did it and OMG it's like all night long I was me in my sleep and I was worried about daddy (our father- god I hate that word who uses that, old people?) and I don't know it's like my dreams I was me and not us or him and we were worried because we just got back from taking care of him cause he's going crazy and we were just worried that we'd left him with strangers or something. I don't remember the dreams now but it's like the older parts of me had to tell me that he's okay now he's with people he's supposed to be with and stuff. And I was like oh okay so I'm just dreaming then? And they were like yeah you're just dreaming. And I was like, okay cool but I got to go write about it before I forget or switch. I don't wanna switch cause they never let me out but I've been really good. I mean really good. I haven't tore nothing up I haven't acted out I haven't um done other things and I've been good. HECK!!! Albert got out for like, five whole minutes? He's my twin. He's angry all the time and all of us were like OMG what's he gonna do? And he said chill he's angry 'cause someone got to be the angry one and we should all be thankful that's his job and he's not going to like go on some killing spree or nothing and he didn't even wanna be out anyway he doesn't like it. So he asked if he could go back in and we were like ###$ yeah man sure whatever dude go back in. So he did.

I remembered so much of the dreams and I wanted to put them down but I can'r remember them now except that I was like really super upset that Daddy wasn't being took care of and the others had to tell me that I was just dreaming and confused. Then I woke up as like, still me! It's a little scary. Cause we're like OMG what if we get stuck this way? We can't be me all the time damn I'm just a kid. ###$ I wouldn't even want to be me... wait... no shhhhh lol that's retarded. I WANT out. More. But no really I am tired I was thinking OMG is theis what the 'adults' have to put up with all the time being out and worrying about $#%^ ###$ no maybe it's not so bad after all that I can like hang in the background who needs this $#%^. Although I can kinda see how they might like it sometimes cause it lets them rest. ###$ knows we need some kinda rest I mean life is so ######6 hard man. Sucks. Being dead sucks, too. So... yeah. Whatever. Existing sucks. But then if you didn't exist you wouldn't like know it then that would suck too wouldn't it? Or maybe not. You got to exist to know that not existing would suck. Why do we exist? Why does anything exist? Why would things NOT exist? Man that's twisted.

I'm gonna end it here cause we're starting to feel switchy again but anyway it's been like real interesting and a little weird and scary that we put US to bed. I mean I, me, Sabrina, put us to bed and apparently whoever puts us to bed is the one that dreams and wakes up. OMG that could be some ###$ up $#%^ of some others do that. Weird enough I did it. Yeah. that wouldn't be good, I just nkow. But it was interesting even though I don't know we need to do it much cause we are like you gotta be kidding me that is like, hours and hours! That's scary what if we get stuck? ###$ I don't want out that much. That's grownup $#%^ right there. Bye now.

Last edited by Snaga on Fri Oct 30, 2020 4:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby Snaga » Wed Oct 28, 2020 1:42 pm

I promised a mod she PMd that I'd come back in and look over this post but I'm just too tired too, and she's still just out enough to ... lol I was about to say, 'be like'.

She really overuses that word.

Okay so we're sliding back into me- Snaga the usual me. We were getting tired and scared. Do others have a fear of getting stuck as one person or the other? Because it would be like, well I don't know. Is that when people with full-on DID switch hosts? That has GOT to be extremely disconcerting, unless you're really used to it. And having to maintain an appearance of 'normality'. Just the idea of it makes me question my sanity.

So we were getting concerned and frightened. Especially remaining that way in our sleep. Knowingly doing that is a new experience for us, and at the time Sabrina seemed to think it was a capital idea, but I'm not so sure. It had us questioning our sanity, once we actually put pen to paper- well journalled it here. Yeah, I'm not so sure that as a whole system we appreciated it. I know I don't. I hope that it doesn't happen again, tbh. She thought it quite profound but I'm like oh baby this is just too darn confusing and the very last thing we need, is for Sabrina- well, anyone we know of, besides Samantha and I, to become a major fronter. Life is more than a 14 year old mall rat can handle, unless they're actually in a 14 year old's world. And this most definitely isn't.

So by the end of the previous entry, also she'd been PMing someone who is, sympathetic and accepting, and that means more to us than words can describe... so by the end of all that flurry of activity, we were all tired, and her especially and she was begging to be let back inside. And she asked Samantha for help- it's funny. Samantha seems to be our common go-to when we need help with the system, or if something needs to be done. For example, I was recently having to care for my aged dad, and a Little- I assume. I'm thinking five years old, male- calls himself Charlie- which is a bit cheeky since we've stuck to S's and A's for our names- really needed to go back in so we could get the day started, and I asked Samantha to please come out- Charlie wouldn't go back in for me, and he was just in the way, we couldn't get past wanting to make a fort and hide in it. So I was like Hey Sam, can you give me a hand here? And she came out and I don't know she just handled it.

Well, so poor Sabrina was stuck, and couldn't unfront. So she asked Samantha for help, because Sam is good at that kind of thing, and Samantha suggested we shave. Sabrina really hates looking in the mirror, it's like a stranger to her- it's a fat old man and she's not a fat old man. So it's really gross to her. Samantha doesn't care, she's confident enough in her own sense of identity, that she's like whatever, it sucks but it's not existential for her. Thank GOD, otherwise we might have urges to crossdress or something, and that would be... fairly hideous.

So anyway Sam was like, Let's Shave- that will ground us (am I using that term correctly?) and bring Snaga back out. I seem to recall last night as Sabrina was out and we showered, that I normally shave at night, and she was very resistant to that, scared that it would unfront her- and she was enjoying her freedom. She had already cussed the mirror when we got in the shower.

But this time she agreed that it was a good idea to shave- we're going to have to anyway, later today- and sure enough, that brought us down off from being Sabrina, to.... still feeling like we're not all 'me', I've noticed that the longer one of the others is out, the longer it takes to switch back to myself. And this is by far, the longest 'not me' that I personally am aware of- even intruding into our sleeping dreams- which is VERY disconcerting. Perhaps it's the tiredness of the body. Looking back on what I remember of the dreams, they were very like what I experience when extremely tired, And Lord knows I was pretty darn tired. Still am. But it's more important to write, while things are fresh.

Shaving was not without its risks- Sabrina nearly took our lower lip off, and how it wasn't cut bad enough to bleed, I don't know- it sure felt like we'd sliced it open. But in a way that just further helped it along, because she was like okay I can't do this right, Snaga come out and help me- even if she didn't say it quite out loud- She talks to the rest of us, out loud, incessantly- and more than once last night I was afraid the Snagina would overhear Sabrina's prattling, and wonder if I'd gone off my rocker.

Maybe I have. Right before turning the computer back on to come back in and write this, We had to have a calming moment- the last... ten hours we hadn't been our normal self, and were beginning to feel as if we'd passed some 'point of no return' and had some kind of breakdown, some sort of break with reality. And... I'm not sure which part thought of it- it was thru Sabrina talking, however- that it's silly to worry about having gone insane, because it's things like DID, OSDD, etc., that are specifically designed TO protect a person and keep them from just losing it. So feeling like we're going crazy, is just a feeling- a terrible one, a scary one, but if we were just plumb nuts, we'd have known that a long time ago, yes? I mean we would have long ago ceased to be able to function at all.

However, someone who is not Samantha or myself, fronting for a long time, is quite disconcerting. It just begins to feel like 'crazy' at some point. Heck, even when it's Sam doing it- and she's the most used to popping out. If it goes on too long, for anyone but myself, things just start to feel really strange, and then the fear sets in that we'll get 'stuck' that way. I suppose that would signify a host switch? I don't think we're differentiated enough for that to be a good thing. Which sounds weird, because if we're not full blown DID, but OSDD or something, you'd think that if we have more a sense of just being facets, rather than more self-contained, complete personalities, that it'd just be minor differences between this one, or that one, being a 'host', main front, whatever. But... it's hard to explain but there's also the sense that because we're not quite as 'individual', at least, we don't ... rephrase that. I don't think we are- my attitude has spilled over to the others, but it's MY attitude, I think- because there's not as full ... IF... there. If we're not as fully individual as someone who has presented with bona-fide, full-blown, DID from an early age- and yes I understand that if I have disassociation, it began at an early age but I just mean a known history conscious to the fact okay I Switch- if we're not as fully 'individual' as all that, then someone like Sabrina suddenly being the one stuck OUT front all the time, would be a bloody disaster. She's completely not equipped to deal with that. I mean, ###$, I'm staring at a wallpaper on my desktop that is very not me. I'm leaving it up for her, for now- but Lisa Frank unicorns are just a bit over the top. At least now I know where our secret liking of Lisa Frank stuff comes from.

I'm still a bit frightened to lay back down, wondering if I slip into REM sleep will I dream as me, or as a messed up 14 year old who has to be constantly reassured everything is okay. I can only remember vague snippets of the dreams, but at the time they seemed very real, and revolved around the recent caregiving duty we put on ourselves. Sensations of... handing him off, and forgetting that we'd done so- and us having to reassure her that no, it's just a dream, sweetie, we're home, things are handled, we're good. The past weeks have been pretty intense for us, and we were completely out of our depth. There is a difference between knowing what needs to be done, and being able to do it, and Samantha turned out to be invaluable help in that. Without her, it would have gone, but not gone as smoothly as it did. She was a frequent go-to, and my only regret is that we couldn't transform more into her, even in a physical sense, because female caregiving was really what was needed, a daughter, to take charge of things, instead of an inept son. Women are, I think, taken more seriously when they put their foot down, in a carer role. And we really could have used that. But. It is what it is. We worked within our limitations, and Samantha really filled some gaps- it's not perfect, of course, but still, I found it ever so helpful, and actually, whatever this brand of crazy is- whether it's some kind of sham that even fools myself, or is actually something disassociative, or is even full on unrealised DID- whatever it is, for once I was grateful for it. It helped to break tasks up and assign them to someone more fitting.
Last edited by Snaga on Fri Oct 30, 2020 4:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby Snaga » Thu Oct 29, 2020 3:56 am

I am extremely tired and worn out today- I slept... well must have been only five hours, and as I probably mentioned, our dream state was as Sabrina- still the oddest darn thing to have experienced- at the time, it seemed almost pleasant, but upon waking it seemed nightmarish, and borderline break-with-reality.

I... aren't completely sure of my terminology, but I think I was a very slow switch back to 'me' today, for most of the day. The more I got 'less' that way, the less exhausted I felt- although the long, long night and day have now caught up with me, and I'm simply done in. But it's just simple exhaustion, now- for most of today, it was an unreal, to the bone, disconnected exhaustion, if that makes any sense. There was still a lot of Sabrina present- our interactions were minimal with other people, and our sentences tended to be simple and terse, and our word choice was very simplified and almost.. formal. It's hard to explain; but I've noticed that before, when I feel as if I'm not completely One or the Other. It's as if we resort to the basics of language and communication- almost as if fluid conversation is difficult. I felt (and to some extent, I think I behaved) very 'simple minded'. I felt very 'shut down'.

It's taken literally all day to feel anything really like 'myself', but I think I'm most of the way there, now- and just am hoping that when I sleep, it's as 'me', and the strange dreaming just goes somewhere else, and leaves me alone- I don't need, or want it, tonite.

One major source of anxiety- and not a little bit of recent switchiness- has been fortunately alleviated- I will not be expected to act as a parental caregiver, as I had been recently. That was incredibly stressful, and now it's over and done. The problem has taken care of itself, for now, and I feel very relieved. That right there, has helped me lots, today, the last part of today, to feel as if I can relax a bit.
Last edited by Snaga on Fri Oct 30, 2020 4:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (snaga journey thread)

Postby Amythyst » Thu Oct 29, 2020 1:48 pm

hello Sabrina & Snaga (& Samantha & anyone else we missed)

alot of this is super relatable to us. we hope you're all doing ok & stuff settles more so you don't feel so inbetween or shutdown.

btw i'm a 17yo teen catgirl who wound up 'stuck' out front coming up on a full year now. our outside body is an older woman & looks nothing like me & i hafta pretend to be a mature responsible person for work stuf & its exhausting & stressful. i dont recomend it lol

anwyays just wanted to let you all know we're reading & relating & cheering you all on & stuff

<3 <3 <3

viola
Ciara(10f); Em(22f); Teg(6f); Viola(17f); et cetera
Dx: DID; previously depression, bipolar.(New) Journey Thread
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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby KalliopePS » Fri Oct 30, 2020 10:52 pm

Hello Sabrina and Snaga.

Also wishing you all well.

It sounds like a lot isngoing on. It isna lot to deal with. I hope you are doing lots of self care and fun too.

Hugs if you want.
Newly Dxed system. So many questions. Alts: Known who don't want to be named in public Three 2-3,5, Bastian 13,Lucy 16,24,27,30,31and several whose names are yet to be known.
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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby Snaga » Sat Oct 31, 2020 4:25 am

Amythyst wrote:btw i'm a 17yo teen catgirl who wound up 'stuck' out front coming up on a full year now. our outside body is an older woman & looks nothing like me & i hafta pretend to be a mature responsible person for work stuf & its exhausting & stressful. i dont recomend it lol


Oh heck no- it's... like walking a tight rope, isn't it? It's hard to hold it all in- at least, Sabrina feels that way, if she's got to be in front of other people, and act more mature than she really is- for now, I'm running with an idea of being OSDD, because we don't seem to be terribly amnesiac. I might not be able to overtly control what's going on, but I usually am 'present', and afterwards my memory might be spotty, but I remember things, if I try hard enough- sometimes it's easier to remember details of another fronting, than others- it often runs from easily remembering generalities to increasingly minute details, the harder I work at it. Oftentimes I choose not to try and remember, because we all enjoy the feeling of being our own person, after all. These might be fragments of a whole, but I feel as if, like any living thing, even a DID/OSDD personality is like a living thing, in that it seeks life of its own, and enjoys the act of being that way, and has a kneejerk reaction to resist being summarily squashed. If that makes any sense.

Sabrina can be out- and that's when our reflection in the mirror, seems most foreign, and unpleasant. When it's 'me', it's not half-bad. when it's Sam looking in the mirror, it's a neutral feeling- while she has resented not having her own body, and she does have a general sense of how she ought to look, she's sensible enough to accept things for what they are (mostly) and just it is, what it is- her sense of 'self' isn't dependent on not having the correct body. She's confident enough that she says she doesn't need the image, however, I have noticed, as time goes by, we subtly (so as not to draw attention) adopt things that are feminine, but not overtly so. We might choose a toiletry that is usually associated with the fairer sex, or accessorise in subtly feminine ways. I never used to do that, and am uncomfortable with it, myself. But we feel a bit calmer when doing that, as a whole.

Sabrina just hates it- she... goes between being fascinated by the situation, and repulsed by it. She laments that she's stuck in not only the incorrect sex, but a vastly older model. I can feel the disconnect ratchet up, when she's fronting- the feeling of just everything is wrong. We had that happen today while shopping- she'd glom onto things she likes (she's keen on unicorns, of all things, at the moment) and the... dysphoria, for lack of a better word, was stronger than anything I've ever experienced as 'me'. At one point, it made her really depressed. Then Sam came out and things smoothed out, and we began a several-hours long transition back to me being the driver. This morning started out in a very muddled state, it's as if no one felt themselves.

Thanks ever so much for replying, Viola! <3

KalliopePS wrote:It sounds like a lot isngoing on. It isna lot to deal with. I hope you are doing lots of self care and fun too.

Hugs if you want.


I'll never turn down hugs! Back at you.

This morning, it felt like a lot going on, but it was also aimless and we just felt as if we'd been put in a Snaga-o-matic and switched to 'puree'. It took asking Sam to please do the fronting for us, until we settled down- and even then, it was most of the day before we settled down. But it was mostly a pretty good day, even so.
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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby Snaga » Sat Oct 31, 2020 5:13 am

This is going to be my last post in this thread, as 'Snaga', unless I'm responding as 'me', as a moderator (but not having to do with my Others). the title of this thread has been changed, to reflect the account we'll be using, when we're feeling disassociated or posting as our Others.

It is... an unusual move, and one that I might have done in secret- however my sense of ethics, as a forum admin, doesn't allow that. I'd prefer to be transparent, because it's going to be noticed, whether I want it to be, or not. Honesty is best, especially when my name is in Red. It's been decided by my fellow admins, who were the ones to ask me to do this, this wasn't my idea- however, I concur- that because I don't have a history of being aware of alts, until the last few years or so- assuming that's what's going on in my head- that letting them have unfettered access to the forum, thru the account of an Admin, may not be the best thing. While I always seem (stress, 'seem') to be co-conscious these days, I'm not always in perfect control. We're- well, let me rephrase that- THEY- are eager to have the freedom to post, as themselves, not merely something referred to in the third person, or whatever. Because I'm an admin, I've a long history of quashing any posts they try to make, and our system (for lack of a better word) has had some exhausting internal quarrels because of it.

This is all new territory for me, and it was proposed that we split ourselves into two accounts. When I'm here as Snaga, I'm either being an Admin, or I'm posting to forums outside of DID, such as the forums I'm named over.

In these disassociative forums, and anywhere my others are posting, it's going to be as the title of the thread now suggests, jessica6- that's an account that Samantha wanted, long ago, and I never would allow her to use. Well, now she has not only official sanction to do so, but it's been decided, that's the preferred course to take. So we dust it off, and begin using it.

I want to stress, as far as PF is concerned- THEY are not ME. They're just as regular member in orange font color, as anyone else- including when I'm using that account as myself. They're not 'Snaga', the color of the account name isn't Blue, or Green, or Red. It's Orange, and the mod team has firm instructions from the admin team, that they'll be treated as regular members.

I am exceedingly uncomfortable, posting this- but I see no way out of it. I refuse to somehow pretend that suddenly I don't have these others, for them to pop up in a new account. It's unseemly, and I won't have it. While I prefer not to talk about it- I thought one post here, as Snaga The Admin, was warranted. I am... and especially the girls... very grateful for the offer to do this- the alternatives would have been rather more uncomfortable, this is the best solution we could come up with.

Thanks for your understanding, from a grateful heart.
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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby Jessica6 » Sat Oct 31, 2020 7:32 pm

He don't like to look at what we write and I really don't want to see what he wrote.

We thought we'd journal today. We are SWITCHY!!! It was all Steph? I think that's what he's gonna be called is Steph and well I'm doing it he calls me things I don't know I like. And so in OSDD Land we got up and he was feeling very not switchy, and then we got dressed cause we had to go somewhere and the more we got dressed the more switchy we got and we're not sure exactly who if any one person but we was feeling all over the place but now it's me as much as it is anyone so I guess tag I'm it I get to write- yay! We can't stay on here long, even though I'd really like to.

He's fighting what I say cause I wanna complain about things but I ain't supposed to so I wont. Just to say that new users sure can't do much. See I didn't say anything bad or good I just said what it is, like the sky is blue. Unless it's raining, then its gray. Or night, then its dark.

I know it'll go away but it's like taking forever.

So anyway, to be all growupy and record what is going on, we woke up today and got up and stuff and came on here but you know like normal, and we were all him and stuff and he did some stuff and we were feeling really just flat and 'normal' like it's supposed to be it's him and we decided nothing was going to happen today and he could tell I wanted to get on here but he's like let's don't force it and I'm like okay whatever and that was fine. But... then.... we started getting ready and we put on our stuff and some of the stuff we put in is just a little bit like for girls without being like all sissy or nothing and then suddenly we just felt switchy all over the place and it was a while before it was me enough that we were like okay this is Sabrina. I guess people thought we were weird because when we're like this it's like we all know what is happening, well most of us more or less, well the parts we all know about maybe, but it's like you know when someone else is in control we all are like well we can't do anything about it the body's going to act like its' coing to act and that's about all there is to it. I mean it's not like one of us wakes up and is like where the hell are we why are we like 200 miles from home or something. Usually. Sometimes we do little amnesia things but most of the times naw that don't happen with us.

So anyway we went out all switchy but they kinda let me drive (shhh they think Sam was driving but ###$ no it was really me man) and it was fun but I didn't get too crazy cause if I do they won't never let me, and so we met up with everyone we was meeting and I ordered what I wanted and it wasn't no good but still it was all right and we ate and $#%^ and I tried to be 'normal' but I don't know it's like really hard I just want to be me and then we were done and we stood around and talked a bunch and I let Steph do the talking but it was like talking thru me so I guess they thought I was weird or something and then we got ice cream. I wanted beer. but. I got ice cream. Steph was like no you're not getting drunk. Said that would um, attract attention. So I'm eating ice cream- yay.

And I was like, well okay can I log in pleeeeeeeze and make a post while we're like this cause if we wait until you come out then we won't get to and even if you do it'll be all boring and stuff and so he was like sure whatever. He really hates it though. He hate ALL of this. Super hates it. I mean it really bugs the $#%^ out of him.

And I'm like a big old bunch of don't give a $#%^.

I'm out they never used to let me out and OMG I'll be good already jeesus. Just let it go, dude. I'm making the journal thingy you aint got to do a thing.

We are recording our thought for posterity. posterity. posterior. butt. Recording our thoughts for butt. Works for me.

Ha, this is fun. I'm like, can I say this? And he's like NO. Can I say... THIS? Yeah. Can I say this. And he's like mad but he knows he can't say no. So....... yeah this is fun.

He says we have to be all careful and stuff. yeah sure I guess.be all right. Not like any of it really matters anyway. He says its all crap but okay big boy, if it is why you act weird today? He ain't got an answer for that except maybe we're going crazy or something. And I'm like, dude, you just figured that out? He's worried about it, I'm just happy to be here. That's all.

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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby Jessica6 » Sun Nov 01, 2020 2:41 am

The darndest thing just happened.

We.... were Steph. We did some modding. We then logged because we wanted to log in as jessica6, that's fine that's what it's for. And we thought we were still steph but suddenly found ourselves posting in a thread in self-harm. Something we'd forgot about, until we logged in as jess. But here's the weird thing- we're still new members. We can't SEE a posting history, and we don't have (I don't think?) a posting history in self-harm. Not as this. Not us.

Next thing we know, I'm writing a post and thinking nothing of it, until I realised I have absolutely NO idea how we got there. I mean I vaguely remember finding our way there and at the time it seemed as if we knew what we were doing but now it's a total blank.

Often, when we get our little OSDD switchy we still all know pretty much what's going on- but this is just blank. Totally- even if it was just for a few minutes it's really weird. We've suspected things like this because we're constantly told that we've been told stuff, and have no recollection of it. But this time, we actually caught ourselves doing something without knowing how we got there. That's pretty heavy stuff. Honestly it makes me appreciate how people with definite DID (and not maybe something else) must feel. I mean, I'm not going to let myself be terrified over this, but it's.... disconcerting, to say the least. It's like hitting a pothole and your headlamps go out- just left us shaking our head going, what the hell was that?

Steph's OCD will probably have fun with THAT. I mean, Lord he checks things over and over enough already. Now we're liable to obsess over things just that much more. Odd.
OSDD-1b (perhaps):
Steph (m,50s)
Samantha (f,31)
Stephanie (f,16)
Sabrina (f,12)
Albert (m,12)
Charlie (m,5)
Aurora (f,70s)
Nameless One (m,?)


The world needs more unicorns.
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Jessica6
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Re: Our thread sorta kinda (jessica6 journey thread)

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Sun Nov 01, 2020 3:55 am

I just wanted to say hi to all of you, Sabrina, Samantha, Steph and the whole jessica6 system.

This seems like a big step forward for you guys, and I just wanted to let you know that I think it's very courageous, and you should give yourselves credit for what you're doing.

It's scary to let things come into awareness when a lot of energy has gone into hiding them for many years (I speak from experience :D ), so I have a sense of how hard this all is.

Looking forward to reading more about your journey.

--the Gang
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