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Does this seem like DDNOS?

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Does this seem like DDNOS?

Postby WhatZitTooya » Fri May 24, 2019 8:06 am

Hi, this is my first post here.

I have current diagnoses of OCD and Complex PTSD. Im a survivor of child abuse and ive also been through a lot of other trauma in my life since then. I feel my mental state has worsened significantly over the past few years, even throughout trying various forms of therapy and medication.

One thing ive noticed about myself that worries me, is that i dont really feel like one person, but two or three somewhat-similar people taking turns sharing a collective consciousness. I cant remember how long ive felt this way (it’s possible ive always felt this way; a lot of my past is very blurry to me).

They are divided based on strong emotional states. My most prominent one has taken on the personality of my childhood abuser, and it emotionally abuses me.
These ‘alternate states’ dont have fully-distinct identities and personalities, but they are capable of having distinct intentions and agendas, as well as their own distinct thoughts and beliefs. We have one continuous consciousness, and there isnt any immediately obvious amnesia between us.. but there is some amnesia-type haze around emotions. We do fight for control of my mind and body but I never fully lose control, I usually feel i have at least some degree of influence over my body, even when im not in direct control of it.

I could be completely wrong about this and i might just be crazy. My mind is a disorganized mess i cant make sense of, and I usually cant trust anything i think or believe. Sorry if this whole thing was a stupid question.
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Re: Does this seem like DDNOS?

Postby Snaga » Fri May 24, 2019 1:47 pm

Oooh an interesting post! Hello, and welcome.

It could be. If my reading is correct, DDNOS is now rarely referred to. The forums here were set up on earlier incarnations of the DSM- it's my understanding, that in the DSM-V, a lot of DDNOS was folded into DID, and what was left is mostly now referred to as OSDD- Other specified disassociative disorder- OSDD-1A & 1B, I think.

http://did-research.org/comorbid/dd/osd ... _osdd.html has a pretty good paragraph to help differentiate things:

The most important difference between individuals with DID and OSDD-1 is the way in which they experience their alters. While alters for individuals with DID can be highly distinct and individual, dissociated parts for those with OSDD-1a might present as the same individual at different ages, as the same individual in different modes, or as the same individual reacting with different learned responses to trauma. Even individuals with OSDD-1b might experience their alters more as different versions of themselves, though they're more likely to experience a noticeable change in skills, memory, temperament, or overall personality. It is important to note that even the least differentiated OSDD-1b parts are still more differentiated, separate, and autonomous than the most developed parts that can be present in borderline personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, or complex posttraumatic stress disorder, none of which involve dissociated parts that have a unique sense of self or self history. Even OSDD-1a parts are often more differentiated than the pure dissociated trauma materials, emotions, or attachment needs present in these latter disorders. As well, some individuals with OSDD-1b do have highly distinct alters such as those often found in DID. For these individuals, the main defining factor is their lack of inter-identity amnesia.

So... none of us can Dx here, but it reads as if you might be experiencing something akin to OSDD, yes. Perhaps the 1a described above.

WhatZitTooya wrote:I could be completely wrong about this and i might just be crazy. My mind is a disorganized mess i cant make sense of

Yeah. I wasn't badly abused as a child, and I tend to pooh-pooh things that, looking from the outside, I'd call traumatic, if someone else was talking about them, but yeah, I get you. I often question the validity of my own experiences.

I... at the least, have Borderline traits, which could account, apparently (from what that link above says) for some of what goes on in my brain-cage, somewhere up to OSDD-1b. Mine aren't drawn along emotional state lines- or if they are, I'm not self-aware of it. I do voluntarily ask/let my main alt take over when I need to destress.

They.. I cannot and will not say I'm full blown DID, although sometimes I do struggle to remember things. But I do feel as if there's a part of 'me' that's always in control and at least partially aware. There's not walls between us- more like curtains. Sometimes the curtains are easier to look thru, than others. Sometimes we agree on a certain level of inter-personality privacy.

But yes, it can feel like a jumbled mess for us, as well. Also I feel as if I'm rather fraudulent when I post here about it. As a moderator I keep myself to a higher standard, and don't ever wish to trivialise a condition, when I doubt my own authenticity of my experiences. Which for me, just adds to this feeling of... maybe I'm just nuts... So yeah, I empathise with how you feel about it. Like you, I'm rather OCD- not an official Dx but I've experienced a lifetime of it (I suspect it was a case of PANDAS or something similar at a young age that triggered it), and well, we overthink. "I'm just making this up." "I'm shamming." "I'm _________."

Meh. It is what it is, and you are experiencing something, and that something does sound like OSDD to my limited knowledge.

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