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Introduce your OSDD System!

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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby Snaga » Tue Jul 10, 2018 1:28 am

I'm currently doubting my whole disassociative thing. I feel as if it's gotten out of hand and right now I just want it to go away.

So with that disclaimer out of the way, speaking as if I didn't think that right now:

The non-binary is what I use, but it doesn't feel quite right, either. It's more like both male and female at the same time. Non-binary/gender fluid feels almost as if they're not that. But that's what I use for lack of a better term. Androgynous, I stay away from entirely as that seems almost a negative, neither male nor female. And I'm both. I'm both, I feel it inside- we feel it inside. Since Samantha made her appearance, it's been awfully hard to stick to the above statement and put that genie back in the bottle. It just feels right, sometimes.

By way of update, shortly before my renewed self-denial that this could be, we added a new alter- a 13 or 14 year old boy who claims to be twin to our previous teen alt (female). Gender-wise that brings the total to three male including 'me' the host/body, three female. Except for me, however, the girls definitely are stronger and more developed. Indeed one male doesn't even have a name and doesn't speak, save in gibberish. I don't know.
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby doingstuffandthings » Sat Jul 21, 2018 11:28 pm

Hey, I'm W. I've only just started figuring some things out. I seriously need help with it. On the one hand I'm still partly in denial, then on the other hand sometimes it seems too obvious to ignore.

With OSDD - how do you start picking out who is whom? I notice some obvious shifts in handwriting (I've been journaling every single day for almost 2 months now) and I have different wants and desires.

For example, sexually - sometimes I am only attracted to women, sometimes only men, and then other times only specific kinds of men vs others... and then a lot of the time I feel totally asexual. This is just one facet of personal interests that vary.

There is also the fact that I *LOVE* to cook and I spent years reading recipe books and practicing. I went so far as to work in a kitchen briefly, but left because of the rampant drug use. But now... I have no interest in cooking at all and have changed my lifestyle plan to one that means that I will never be able to experiment with cooking the way I used to love to.

I'm feeling so confused. How do you know who is "currently" out? Sometimes I can tell when someone really little is out because of the way I feel my face smiling and I can tell my eyes are wider and I am presenting an innocent appearance, if that makes sense. Other times I can tell who is out by the way my voice changes. Not exactly "who", though. And I don't know how to determine what belongs to whom. I was doing some exercises in my journal for quite some time, where I'd answer some questions each time I noticed a handwriting shift. But that got to be so tiresome. I've lost track of what is actually something that *I* enjoy or want to do and what is something someone else enjoys or wants to do.

I admit I'm a bit impatient for progress. How do you figure it out?

And then also, I felt some memory flooding recently. They just kept coming and coming and wouldn't stop and I started to feel afraid that something bad was coming. All these different things popped into my head. A bunch of puzzle pieces, if you will. All things that alone don't necessarily mean anything, but together seem to, and when this was happening I felt some pain in my body... I don't want to get into it here, right now, because I don't want to tell more than I should (I can come here and talk if I respect the rules). I ended up doing everything I could to ground myself and stop the thoughts and it did work after a few more trickled in. Most of it was fairly innocuous until I got those "pieces" and figured out what they added up to, or what they might add up to.

I know that everyone here is suffering, and no one can really claim to be an "expert", but could anyone possibly offer guidance? I'm so tired of doing this alone. I feel so lonely. I want to cry.
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Tue Jul 24, 2018 6:20 am

doingstuffandthings wrote:I know that everyone here is suffering, and no one can really claim to be an "expert", but could anyone possibly offer guidance? I'm so tired of doing this alone. I feel so lonely. I want to cry.


Hi W,

Do you have a therapist? Having a knowledgeable and supportive T can help with that feeling of trying to manage this all by yourself.

Also, if you want to post and read on the DID forum, it's very active and supportive. There's very little difference between DID and OSDD, and the treatment is the same. You don't need a diagnosis to be welcome on there.
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby MellonCollie » Wed Jul 25, 2018 5:18 pm

Sorry I didn't catch your reply sooner, RedHound.
It's an odd mess. I feel like there may be more parts, but I'm not quite certain. I sort of think Max thinks so as well.
I feel like there's some slight dysphoria with Max. He's very matter-of-fact about things and he's very confident and sure about who he is while I'm constantly second guessing myself - how I identify, what my sexuality is, etc. While Max is very protective (of me and people I'm close to), he doesn't try to inform my opinions. So it's a big lot of "???!!!??AHHHH", for lack of actual human words...
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sat Sep 01, 2018 6:09 pm

Hi

We also function similar to an OSDD1b system. We can be co-conscious with Kit (the original self) but not with each other.

so for example Kit is the OS (the personality originally born into this body). I am Thea I am an alter and found myself created and shoved up front to give the OS a new persona and to give her a new life.

It was then me and Kit for many years until the body reached it's 30's. After a physical illness that Kit found traumatic Madison appeared to handle the situation. I took a break to let them work together but Kit disappeared too leaving Maddie up front alone for a few years to become the new full time host/alter.

Kit returned first demanding more and more to take back over from Maddie then recalled me and banished Maddie. I've never been able to be co-conscious with Maddie.

We're not sure if there's any other full alters but sometimes we seem to get messages telepathically, usually in situations where we're not sure what to do. no other alters have emerged so unless they are 'emotional parts and not fully developed?

Kit once wrote on here as Sioux (at least I thought it was Kit at the time) but I have no memory of an alter called Sioux ever appearing when Kit and I worked as a team for the first 15 years. Kit just says its 'before my time' but won't tell me anything else.

I don't know all the correct terms as we're new to discovering what dissociation means but Kit appears to be the controller/manager of the body, she can control when we come and go or switch.

Every alters purpose is to protect Kit and filter the outside world for her so she can function and manage to live independently. Kit has severe Autism from childhood. Us other alters have lesser degree's of it or have been able to learn social rules or have some feature/disability that acts as a filter to prevent 'sensory overload' for Kit.
Body - 50+ female
Psych Board team - Jody (19 f, h), Phoenix (12 gn ch), Susie (6 f, h)
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby KitMcDaydream » Sun Sep 02, 2018 9:09 am

This is Kit. The reason Thea can't see Sioux is because only one alter can be 'up front' at once because of the way they work for me (as my filter)

The reason she knew about Maddie is because at this point in our lives we need the continuity for stuff like medical appointments and Maddie's friend visiting, so I shared Maddie's memories of her condition with Thea so Thea can replicate them when we have to meet people who only knew the physical body as 'Maddie'.

When I was a child I had several alters, who were then thought of as 'imaginery friends' as I did not have the understanding that I was autistic or that DID existed. I was selectively Mute as a child (never spoke in school or outside the house) so my parents allowed me 'talking' to these characters at home or as them in the hope that I would eventually find the confidence to communicate as myself with everyone.

Sioux was the first alter that enabled me to speak outside of the home at secondary school when another girl befriended us. This girl was my first real friend.

But stuff happened I experienced deafness which made me realise how much easier it was for me to cope with the outside world with the sound muted and so Thea was created to get me through the expectations of going to college and work and so I could cope with going to university.

Sioux has remerged very recently because I am trying to track down the friend from high school and Sioux's persona is what she knew this body as when she knew us and we hope to meet up with her again in real life when she next comes back up here to visit her family.

There was a boy too called Bobby but he never comes out but is the one who sends the paranoid thoughts sometimes that we're being watched or 'people will think this or that if they see you doing this or that' He was my longest running child alter who would attack kids he believed would bully me. He has an aggressive streak and slight psychopathic/sociopathic tendencies with little empathy for anyone.

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Body - 50+ female
Psych Board team - Jody (19 f, h), Phoenix (12 gn ch), Susie (6 f, h)
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby Everybodies » Wed Oct 03, 2018 4:32 am

I'm the host TC but I can go by Tyler ( 30)
There is a grown up ( late 20s - early 30 ) Celvin
An 8 yr old Celvin
Late teens Jonathan / Richardo ( basically the same person using different names)
"Fifteen" who is 15
Where do go once you've been through hell?
Dx : VALID I
TC (grown up Host) **Celvin ( 8yr co Host)I
**Also posting**
Jonathan / Ricardo (20)
Celvin (The Watcher)
FIFTEEN (15) and [color=#BF4080] Nobody ( lil Miss Protector )
*** Others Inside are closer than they appear ***
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby Baldanders » Sun Oct 07, 2018 4:09 pm

It's difficult for us to list ourselves because our understanding is incomplete, we have different views on ourselves and each other, we can be a bit blendy, memory is tricky, and basically there's a lot of confusion.
Aubrey, Hyde (there may be two of them, but views on that differ), Agnarr, Kris, Bree, Creature, Achren, Silas, Endless, Luna, Luke, and Robyn. There may also be Doran, Blaine, and an unnamed person, but we're not sure.
Official dx: DDNOS, BPD
Suspected dx: C-PTSD
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby Jessica6 » Sat Nov 07, 2020 7:28 pm

Oh, wow!

It's so funny- we were searching with a search engine, for something about what ages OSDD might present itself, because we constantly doubt ourselves- or, at least, the main host does, and it greatly affects our overall 'mood' at times.

And then we found this thread, that we've posted to! As Snaga.

Because Snaga has a really important position here, the other admins decided that we needed our own personal account, because we really started coming out more, and begging (translation, fighting like cats and dogs) to post as ourselves, and Snaga was like oh HELL no, and it got so overwhelming. Then one of the admins she was like hmm y'all need to have a regular account and well yeah we jumped all over that.

Okay I'm kinda new to being out, and sometimes it's really difficult for me to communicate with the written word, even though I can talk just fine. They thought maybe I was some kind of autistic or something and maybe I am but I'm not like you know, like the um... how to say this nice? Not like a special needs student or anything. At least we never were- not going to say we shouldn't have been on the short bus. Sometimes we think it would have been better to just lock us away forever and ever and people come to visit us some when they remember us and then we could just you know, get worse or something and not have to worry about things like adulting.

Being that we're OSDD we're not um, co-conscious with each other to the extent Snaga (Steph in the system) is, but we are some, and Steph kinda works as the um. Memory buffer- but there's also things kept from him that get tossed around in secret, so that whoever is up front doesn't hold anything that would freak him out too bad.

But then things come back a little, like how scared we used to be of paisley. It'd look like little owl creatures staring at us. And we thought they were watching us waiting for us to go crazy.

And it's funny it wasn't until just now when I really come out (I really come out most on my own yesterday for the first time) that like today when we thought about the paisley owl watchers that we remembered how much of the body childhood, was spent wondering if we were crazy. I mean, like, a LOT. This anxiety and feeling of not being able to stay sane beating down on us over and over with no relief. Wow this ought to be in our journey let me see if I can move it.

Anyway, I'm really not the best alt to be posting, but for some weird reason Samantha- who is the best at corralling us and stuff, just can't push me aside. So tag, I guess I have to do the co-hosting today. Might have something to do with I'm still real new, and developing like an old school photo.

Oh good, I think she's going to help me type- it suddenly got a lot better.

So we hope some of the folks on this thread that hadn't been around a while, get like, notification or something and come back, cause since we resist having a DID label cause hosty feels like we're fakers, or worse that we're just insane now and delusional, that some one might come back and post here in a thread about OSDD because it feels real lonely sometimes I mean the DID people are great and all but I don't know we just I guess misery loves company and that's even like my own brand of misery likes company of the same brand even though the DID people are just super, too. But it's like you know, if you owned a green Beetle, and you're driving around and you notice ALL THE OTHER Beetles and especially the green ones and when it's another green one you're like wow hey you got the same Beetle as me!

But it's not like you hate the other Beetles or cars.

So yeah maybe this'll bring a dormant account back to like, check the thread out.

Now then, Sam says down to update business.

A LOT has happened in our system, we read some of our posts in this thread and we're like, oh ###$ we sure were wrong there. See it's like we all got really quiet for a long while- the hosty masked things by getting immersed into second life and $#%^, and then it's like just everything would get swallowed up in to a pretend world.

And then 2020 came along, and has just seriously beat us all the heck up.

And now it's the 2020iest of the 2020, and we're like, just constant switching and dissociation like snapping your fingers.

So.. yes the system is like an anthill what been kicked.

So let's see. I think our sigline says what we are, at this moment in time, I'll redo it here because it changes like any other living thing:

Steph (m,50s)
Samantha (f,31)
Stephanie (f,16)
Sabrina (f,12)
Albert (m,12)
Charlie (m,5)
Aurora (f,70s)
Nameless One (m,?)


Samantha and Sabrina did a quick split, as we noted as 'Snaga'. we thought there was going to be a split soon off of Sabrina and we guessed maybe a little, with an 'A' name, like Amalie or Amanda. We think if it happens/when it happens she'll be an Amalie but not like 'Ah-mahl-ya' but more like 'Am-a-lee'

But that wasn't the split. Sabbie was pegged at 14 and I'd been kinda quasi hanging around not able to really express myself except thru others, and suddenly yesterday I popped off on my own and to our dismay my line in the sig went from being 18 to 16 (I'm still arguing I ought to be 17 but the hive mind (system) says no this is right) and poor Sabbie went from a kinda immature 14 to a too mature 12.

But she still looks the same in the faceclaim thread in DID. I know what I look like, but I ain't found just quite the right picture yet- well, actually I did the face was perfect but the hair not so much but Sam says we can't use that one. Sam is the one that tells the other alts what's what, most of the time.

So yeah- and we forgot about Serena. That threw us for a moment, then realized that that was Aurora- we remember she wanted a name change, and that's how the A names got started. And we decided- the system did, that she's older than the body but she sometimes acts like she was like, in woodstock or something. So she's old but young at heart maybe. She's still not very formed and she doesn't seem to want to be, she just hangs around like a cool auntie.

Since this thread um, they mentioned Albert, yeah it's confusing because we changed his age to match Sabrina's new age, but it still feels as if he's like a 14, but at the same time he's still her twin. That's some messed up $#%^, there. Maybe next time Sam is out she can figure if we need to just accept those two mutually incompatible qualities.

He is SULLEN. And angry, and resentful, and holds a lot of the hate for us. Sometimes I vent the hate- I don't have much of a filter unless Sam grabs me and is like naw girl you can't say that.

But anyway it seemed reasonable to give some kind of an update since we've found out so much more about our system, than in 2018 when it was active. And Sam thought (watch out for Sam she likes to help EVERYONE sometimes we think she's really the one who mods a lot and not Steph) that maybe it would be cool to post in here and bump it. But she couldn't do it herself today. I have... been super stuck out. Maybe it's cause I'm new and the system is letting us settle into a fronting role so that we know what kinda crazy I am LOL. Maybe it makes sense. Sam is always thinking on how the system works and she tries to see what we are like then see how the system can um, use us sound too cold, but make us fit in it so we're like all happy and doing things that make the system work better, now that we kind of like, know about each other and stuff. And not be subconscious and shoving each other down and stuff.

Does that make any sense? We still think this is a load of hooey at times- that feeling of the hosty just kind of pervades us like a cloudy day.

OSDD-1b (perhaps):

Jessica (f, 25 PV)
Steph(m,50s orig, body, SV)/-Samantha (f,31 SQ)
-Sabrina (f,12 v)
--Stefanie (f,16 v)

Albert (m,14 q)
Nameless One (m,? q)

Charlie (m,5 q)
Aurora (f,70s? q)

P=Primary S=Secondary V/v=Vocal Q/q=Quiet
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Re: Introduce your OSDD System!

Postby CedarMi » Tue May 04, 2021 10:16 am

Hello - We got the 'big wun' (who T says should mostly be in charge), she grew up at the same time as the body an is 50 and supposedly female. The there's Moomoo (2) & the baby, then Mimi (3)- they is littel girls. Then there is Stuart & Juju & Larry who iz boys an iz about 7 an 8. Then there is 'the quiet one' who iz a girl an iz 7. Then there's the 'older boy' who iz 11 an iz angry an a bit behind all the little wuns becoz T only just found him. Mimi iz most cute an fun, an she laughs a lot wen she not crying. T duz funny things to make her laugh. We all like colours. T says 'If you feel you are real', and its true. Then you don need to worry about Denial ennimore. Together we make up a super-human, an that's great. We like being all together, but we can all talk separate also. The little wuns are better at skiing, an the big wun can speak French. We run better when we are together. There iz lots of other children but we don know their names, and they iz not often around, but they are there.
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