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overall memory problems?

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overall memory problems?

Postby posgodxoxo » Sat May 02, 2020 6:20 am

hi so i have dissociative amnesia but don’t really understand much about it and the different types.
i don’t remember anything before the age of 12, if anything it’s just like random little movie clips that are foggy and from someone else’s perspective. i’m pretty sure a lot of my personality changed after that age as well. but fast forward to now, i’m 26 and i still have memory lapses and constant memory problems. the big lapses aren’t too frequent i don’t think. i usually don’t even know i have them unless something requires me to think back to a time period.

example: i had to go to the doctor for a cat scan, i knew i went because i had the paperwork but i couldn’t remember it at all, i couldn’t remember the entire day and had to go through my photos to try and figure out what i did that day. but i didn’t even know the memory was missing.

almost all of my memory is more of recollections than anything. i’ll know things happen but i won’t be able to think back and “see this memory”.

is this a common thing that happens with dissociative amnesia? or does anyone know anything about this type of situation?
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Re: overall memory problems?

Postby TheGangsAllHere » Mon May 04, 2020 12:56 am

Hi posgodxoxo,

Have you seen a professional who has explained any of this to you? Having big memory gaps, especially for your childhood, is usually due to trauma.

It's common to have "amnesia for your amnesia" as you described. It sounds like you aren't aware of a lot of the time gaps in the present. Something to think about is how these different activities are being accomplished. It's fairly involved to make one's way to the doctor, get a CT scan, and get safely home again, with the paperwork. So part of your mind was able to do that while you "weren't there."

Are you in therapy for these symptoms? An important goal of treatment is to improve the communication among the different parts who are handling your daily life. You can do some work on your own to help with decreasing time loss in the present, but the separations are usually there to keep all the past trauma out of awareness. So it's important to see a therapist with experience treating this who can help you deal with what happened to you in the past.

Are you aware of any other parts? Like having conflicting thoughts in your mind that don't always feel like yours?

The dissociative identity forum is very active, unlike the other dissociative ones, so you may want to take a look at posts over there for helpful ideas and information. It's a very supportive place.
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Re: overall memory problems?

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Tue May 05, 2020 1:20 pm

I don't have this disorder, but I occasionally fully dissociate, I've had ongoing episodes of derealization and times where I've spent days or weeks in half dissociative states.
I've forgotten chunks of my life too.

I recently remembered I was brought up speaking two languages, I've been to Europe more than once, and that I lived on a relative's farm for a while with horses - and when I was very young, I had a grandma who was my primary attachment figure before she passed and that she loved and adored me.
It's fascinating what memories appear (when they're positive, of course).

Usually dissociation connects to trauma - development becomes entrenched in the lower parts of the brain and not enough development occurs further up. Psychiatrist, Bruce Perry, has some great info on that. There's numerous papers on his website too. https://www.childtrauma.org
It's directed towards working with children and youth, but his papers are still valid at explaining things and have useful ideas to incorporate for strengthening the mid and upper parts of the brain (his NMT).
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Re: overall memory problems?

Postby NeilPye » Sat Aug 08, 2020 12:53 am

My dissociative amnesia really started causing problems in my late teens/early 20’s, but has caused issues most of life. Mine was caused by trauma as a child. The thing is that it was a learned response to stress that carried over into adulthood and much like you, it causes problems. After getting help with this and other mental illness, I learned it was my subconscious stepping in to take those memories and hide them from my consciousness so I could just get on with my life and not dwell on the abuse or stress.
It sounds like you have a similar experience. Good chance you have those memories hidden in your subconscious and your consciousness has no idea what or where. This causes a ton of anxiety. Strange to think we can stress over things we can’t even remember.
The thing is, we really want to get professional help to try to have those memories brought back to our consciousness a.s.a.p.. Sounds cliche, but the sooner I dealt with what happened in my hidden past, the faster I started to feel better. For me, they accumulated into repressed memories. These memories weren’t brought back to my consciousness until I was a lot older and flooded my mind. It caused depression and I ruminated on these recently remembered memories. Anxiety meds and therapy gave me tools to deal with it. Now I understand what happened and it’s like this huge invisible boulder is off my back and I have never felt this good in my life. Very good chance it will work for you.
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