Unable to come out of a bad habit because of dissociation

I am the trying this for so long but still unable to figure out why I lose my personality each time when I come out of a h abbit. That I nearly forget everyeverything I used to do for the days and then my present self withdraws inwards and I act out on my h abbit. It appears scary after ach relapse I feel like i have living another life for the last 10 or 20 days.
I used to do meditation and yoga namaskar daily and some posting in a group as a part of coming out of a h abbit. And on the 10 or 13th day I forget everything.
I forget even how totake mobile and which site to go.
Also I forget how to do meditation and where I will get that. The site all appears so strange to me. That I myself ask am I the one who did this for last 10 days?
This gives me so much anxiety that I nearly wished to let the addiction control me but on the other side the addiction is destroying me. I cannot even understand why my personality switches when day 13 come. And I know part of it was stress and tension but the switching and immediate loss of short term memory make me feel so bad.
That normal people don't understand what I am experiencing. For them they intentionally act out but me I just want to ocmeout of addiction so badly because the addiction is so much affecting my memory consiousnes and thoughts which was already affected by dissociation.
So even though i feel helpless. Anybody have any suggestion tegarfing how to deal with strange feeling of memory loss and personality low during coming out of addictions.